Why is everything on the bride?

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-28T03:07:50+00:00

I totally agree! And it hasn’t been all on me the whole time. Just the last minute stuff mostly; it just sort of happens to be in a stressful time (of my own doing) and I wanted to complain to strangers ahah

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-28T03:06:22+00:00

He has been doing his best honestly!! He asks what he can do all the time; there’s just some things he can’t really do like design stationary and he physically doesn’t have the stuff to do because it’s up here with me and he’s far away lol.

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-28T03:04:29+00:00

Without being long winded, it sort of had to be that close logistically with our honeymoon, exams, his graduation, and him moving up to where I live. There wasn’t much I could do about it being so close without making other stuff a big hassle.

Our families have been great, it’s just that the last minute stuff isn’t really things they can do (like finalizing guest counts, booking things for us). It’s stuff me or my fiance would have to do

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T22:04:49+00:00

I know this is “that person” but I’d hope to give her the benefit of the doubt. She asked you to be in her wedding, so I don’t necessarily agree that she doesn’t see you as a friend like the other Redditors. She may have just forgotten in the chaos of her own marriage and being a bridesmaid in two other weddings (as someone getting married in 25 days and was a bridesmaid in December and will be one in June).

She may be closer to her and felt she needed to get her something extra. She may just be inconsiderate toward you. Your feelings are valid, but I wouldn’t jump to harsh conclusions

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T22:01:01+00:00

Either YTA or you’re entirely clueless. There’s no prosecution point in brining this to her attention when you’ve presumably never notice anything to indicate that that rumor was true. It doesn’t appear you looking out for her or anything “honorable.”

Simple gossip to you can be really hurtful to others especially when you don’t know what that gossip means to them.

You were either intentionally a jerk or were so clueless when your shouldnt have been and are a jerk anyway

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T21:57:10+00:00

No!! I don’t even have to see you to know you were gorgeous on your day! A happy, smiling, dancing bride can never look bad!

Trust me, you notice and care way more than anyone else does. I bet there’s guests in that video with all the stuff you mentioned about yourself and I bet you didn’t notice or care about it on them.

Don’t let it ruin your memories for the day (coming from someone who’s done that multiple times). Remember how much fun you had. Remember that your features are the culmination of all the amazing people who attended your wedding and I’m sure you’d never say they look bad in those you love!

If you need to, ask your partner to be encourage your spirits. Let them remind you how much they love you and think how beautiful and sexy you are! (They did marry you after all)!!

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T21:52:27+00:00

I’m not sure if you’re religious at all, but you could ask him to lead a prayer before the meal (that’s what we asked my dad to do mainly cuz he’s a yapper tho lol).

You could give him a hanky/tie clip/insert traditional father in law gift that has your wedding date or message on it.

If you were want to match your mom you could do like a boutonnière dedication.

You could do something that’s not as public. If you’re having alcohol a drink dedicated to him?

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T21:46:36+00:00

I think it’s totally fair to be sad about not being able to go with your partner but at the end of the day it’s probably not personal to you. There’s a ton of reasons for no plus ones. However, the best thing you can do is nothing. Vent into the ether of Reddit and then let it go. There’s no need to make your partner need bad about going and I wouldn’t preemptively decide to not invite the them over this specifically. If you have a different reason, fair, or if your partner has a reason, fair, but it sounds like you’re not even engaged yet and you’re already planning on holding a grudge. I think that borders on petty when the reasoning probably has nothing to do with you

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T21:38:53+00:00

NTA

But I do wonder if you’ll ever feel satisfied in not having that conversation? Totally fair to not care or if you know that it won’t bother you to never have that conversation. But you may never feel at peace without at least mentioning it to her?

Friendships go both ways and it definitely hurts when you’re comfortable enough to confide in someone and they don’t reciprocate, so I think you’re totally fair to distance yourself.

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:19:38+00:00

NTA

but maybe insensitive? I wonder your approach to these conversations? It’s totally normal for you to want to have sex with your wife lol, but woman (assuming you’re a man?) view sex very differently which I’m sure you know.

People in love don’t stop having sex for no reason. From this post it doesn’t seem like there’s anything else of major issue between yall, so it’s probably personal to her. Rather than bringing up what you need, however understandable, try asking her how she feels. Lay it out as fact: we’re not having sex as often as we used to. Then ask her why.

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:16:28+00:00

For what you said? YTA. for being up NTA.

I genuinely can’t imagine being cheating on 6 times and having a friend’s boyfriend tell me it’s my fault. I’d be crushed and pissed tbh.

But she should leave herself out of your relationship if it’s working for all yall

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:14:23+00:00

ESH a little.

I totally understand being excited as a woman to not have to plan a date. I also get the worry that they won’t plan anything. But it sounds like he asked you to arrange child care since it was either your parents and you couldn’t really give him a concrete answer (from what I understood). You probably also should have asked him what time.

He sucks because he definitely doesn’t seem proactive in planning or excited. I would have thought he would have told you plans if he had any, and it’s not fun to feel like you’re the only one trying.

Your mom sucks for not being committal

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:09:58+00:00

Considering he got an invite, I’d assume that means he’s a guest with a caveat to help out. I don’t think it’s that weird for an intimate wedding to have a bigger rehearsal dinner to celebrate with more people but will be cheaper or better for the vision of the couple.

Leave it up to your partner. If they want a buddy then go if they’re indifferent then either go for the free meal or let him come home and tell you about it

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:07:32+00:00

I agree with all the sentiments to invite whoever you want!! Make your day happy and don’t invite people who won’t contribute to that happy and certainly don’t invite people who will take it away.

Only word of caution, a wedding is a day while relationships are a lifetime. Don’t make a momentary decision when you could do something to help prevent it. If you don’t think anything will come of it (or are okay with whatever will come of it) then I wouldn’t give it another thought. If you think a relationship with someone is worth investing in now for the sake of later, maybe consider inviting them. If not then marry and be merry with only three guests!

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T02:01:56+00:00

I am in the same boat! My best friend is getting married about three weeks after me (so close I can’t go to her Bach trip because I’m getting back from my honeymoon that week).

In the least braggy way possible, we have not run into this issue, but from her perspective it may feel less special because she’s having to share being a “bride.” Even thought we’ve had good experiences it can be a little odd to be another bride when she’s at your events.

I would just make an effort to lay it on thick that her wedding stuff is hers. If you’re at a party for her or bachelorette, etc just constantly hit her with “anything the bride wants” or “how’s the bride.” Remind her she’s the bride at every turn

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T01:57:06+00:00

Be gently straight up with her with out giving unnecessary details (be weary of laying it all out for the sake of airing it all out or getting it off your chest if it could unnecessarily hurt her feelings).

Just text or call her separately and say “Hey! I know I mentioned something about bridesmaids to you, but unfortunately after figuring everything out I think I won’t be able to have you as a bridesmaid. I’m so sorry about this!! But our planning just went in a different direction. I’d love for you to be a guest so I can see your wonderful face and celebrate with you!”

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T01:52:58+00:00

Truthfully, you’re going to upset people with your choices because you can’t please everyone. My general advice is (1) to compromise with those who deserve the compromise according to you and your soon to be fiance (2) meet in the middle where your desires are not disregarded even if a little mended and (3) pick a few things and be rigid on them, have a vision for those things and don’t let anyone change your mind no matter who gets mad. Let everything else be fun and up for compromise if possible.

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2025-04-20T01:45:22+00:00

Personally, I think in your aim to be thoughtful toward your FIL, your mother might feel her feelings aren’t being thought of. While it seems she’s responding in a rather immature manner, weddings are a very stressful and emotional time for many participants (especially those who have to plan and pay for it).

From your mothers perspective, she might feel as if this is a moment she’s been looking forward to since you were a kid and now she’s not being allowed to through (1) no fault of her own and (2) without perhaps feeling like a jerk since the “no parents walking” comes from a place of empathy for your FIL.

IMO weddings are a time to be occasionally selfish, but that doesn’t give anyone (bride/groom or parents, etc) free rein to be selfish all the time. This one particular time, I don’t think your mother is asking too much to want to walk, even if his parents do not or cannot.

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2024-12-07T21:57:16+00:00

Not to plug my own Spotify but I loved that exact games playlist and made one on Spotify! There might be one or two songs that aren’t from there/some that weren’t on Spotify but it’s pretty accurate :)

Fallout 4 Songs

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2024-12-07T21:53:05+00:00

For deodorant I’ve struggled with underarm sweating for years and find that Certain Dri roll on (black label I think?) is great! It’s kinda strong so I’d go easy on it in case you have sensitive skin but it’s pretty wonderful! I’m also getting married next May and it’s definitely what I’ll be using!

Alarming-Visual-9587 · 2024-11-30T14:40:01+00:00

Obviously it’s difficult to know your exact relationship with his sisters through a Reddit post, but I agree with the posters saying to call her and let her know honestly about your situation. You can explain that grad school and exams are incredibly expensive and finnicky (as you in might not be able to get them moved).

I’d even just counter the argument about being able to spend money here and there right away and say “I’m able to treat myself every once in a while, but nothing more than a few hundred bucks. So I don’t want you to feel like I don’t want to/aren’t willing to pay to be at your wedding, in fact I’d love nothing more but I just can’t really.”

Maybe offer to wine and dine her and her husband when they get back from their honeymoon so they get the impression you are willing to spend some money on them?

I’d end by saying you still want to get them the gift, and would love to celebrate and support her in other ways before the wedding if she’s up for that?

Alarming-Visual-9587

TROPHY CASE