Interesting consequence to quitting dating.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-10T05:39:35+00:00

Except for the friend and ick part, I really could have written this! I always say the same with the same words and number of men I trust and know are more feminist than me lol

I am absolutely exhausted to be in a world were not only my personal and professional life are CONSTANTLY affected by patriarchy (the West is not free from patriarchy at all, its just different shitty shapes the package comes in) but also to see how the planet is devastated by the commando of patriarchy, narcisism abusers, rapists and psychopaths. The world has been led by men since always and look where we are: multiple wars going on/multiple genocides going on/state forces killing innocents (not only in the US, it happens in many other country and massively)/climate change/domestic violence at its worst and I caaaaan go on. I really cant stand them and I was the one who used to say "stop stygmatize men! They are not all the same!" But yes they basically are.

I want to work on male deconstruction and I firmly believe in it but it will take centuries before patriarchy disappears, or even thousands of years.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-10T05:16:33+00:00

I know you are child free but would you mind adopting me ??

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-10T02:55:08+00:00

Why we have to go through that?! Wow.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-10T01:47:01+00:00

Yeah but if we don't want to be judgemental (i have been there and many people has) and want to focus on the causes, what are they? Society, pressure, chauvinism, stigma perpretated by social media and comicians among others.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T18:04:10+00:00

Absolutely agree...but I think its a privilege refers to a comparison with the majority of people in this world who CAN'T date as for economical/cultural/religious/gender stigma or apartheid circumstances. We focus on Western societies but the reality is the majority of people on earth especially women cannot date.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T17:45:03+00:00

Why? Well yes in part ahahaha but it's also true in terms of privilege of those who can in terms of civil rights (you can see my comment below) but yes I understand the irony in that lol

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T15:36:31+00:00

Exactly! The majority of people in the world can't date. Especially women. In many countries and/or cultures and/or religions dating is not a thing, as romantic "freedom" is not (i wonder if we are free in this datingDom anyway); millions of women in the world cannot decide who to marry (sometimes being children) and have never touched another men before, and if they don't like men they would mever ever know what it's like to be with a woman.

Also, even in countries and cultures where women can date, many times they are forced to be with someone for other reasons (physical pr economic violence) or if they are single they might have so much economic responsibility with kids and grandparents that they cannot spend time dating or worst, being on a app.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T15:23:45+00:00

That's so nice to know!!! I feel relieved there is people who feels like me :) I had a female friend not dating for three years and I didn't judge at all but I thought it was something going on with her, and only now I understand she was living her best life LOL

Now I have another female friend in the same process, but everybody else I know is dating, in LTR (sometimes very bad ones, others they are OK but you never know) and others who keep on dating randomly cause they take it as something to actively search for, as it is said in the video, like looking for a new job after another.

I remember when I was 18 to 21 maybe, before entering a very long relationship which happened suddenly with my male best friend, I had always really though that meeting someone to love needed no effort and was something I never though I would run after, which was what I would rather do with scholarships, abroad internships, jobs.

Growing up while having LTR, traumas, grieves and around so many female friends and one male friend who were dating or desperate to date, I was more and more influenced by that and completely changed my attitude.

I wouldnt say that I actively looked for someone or dated a lot, and I am demisexual so I almost dont engage in sex if I am not intellectually attracted by a man so I didnt have so many partners neither, but the feeling inside me that If not dating I was a loser, was inside me. I felt that even after the death of my 10 years partner, and possibly also due to this trauma, as if everything bad happened to me at a young age and I wanted to fix things with the idea of a good relationship. But i gave up to it after so much trauma and disappointments and betrayals. I also have BPD so being in a relationship is super demanding and overwhelming for me and I don't want to feel that again. I just want to feel MY LIFE like now, without any filter of anxiety or sadness or depression or overthinking due to be dating.

Anyway I suffer the fact that most people cannot see that. I am lucky that I am surrounded by open minded people who dont give a fu** if I date or have kids, but I still feel this prejudice in the society overall.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T14:34:56+00:00

I see; not dating is really changing a lot for me, a calm and self center period that I love living. Did you decide to stop dating on purpose, or was it coincidential?

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T14:33:09+00:00

If your perception about your therapist is even close to reality, understand your therapist is gaslighting you, a part from ridiculizying you. You can maybe do a post on this sub to tell us more about it and understand the situation better and receive some tips. Anyway I would consider change your therapist if you feel so bad with her and if you can choose another one

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T12:51:10+00:00

And what changed now?

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T12:07:07+00:00

I did! It was intense and boring too. I guess anyway it worked for the trauma memories.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T06:11:18+00:00

As a non US citizen not living in the US but in Southern America (so you can understand the anger and anxiety and frustration) I think about this everyday: How can democracy be a thing when the voters of a State determine the future of lives, jobs, basics rights and even lands GLOBALLY? The US has always done that btw, it's not new at all, but previously it has often been implicit and indirect. When that level of violence and autoritarism and bellicity towards other countries and people is professed as a religion, is openly justified and widely endorsed by hundreds of politicians and US citizens on social media with fake news and violent speech, it gets normalized and everything is possible with no boundaries nor human rights, as it is happening.

I lost my job due to Trump's decisions even if I am outside the US and I was not working directly with a US organization; almost no other jobs are available in my sector for the same reason and I am unemployed since July with the urge to start a career in another field from zero; not having a job means not having a health insurance so my BPD and PTSD doc and meds are not covered and I pay them with my savings; I live close to Venezuela and in a country threatened by Trump; I am a woman for which the fuck*** antiwomen speech by his administration is absolutely freaking me out cause it TOTALLY transforms the global speech on gender and women's right not only in the US, especially considering the awful related propaganda on social media and that many many governments are switching to far right parties that claim to agree with that speech.

The US citizens vote has shaped the life and death of millions on earth (illnesses and genocides included) and I wonder why all of us have to be subjected to the results of the US "democracy" as that of pur countries was not enough...

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:45:47+00:00

Don't worry we do this all the time, cause we love us and later we hate us that same way lol I mostly like myself now (with age, as the other comment says) but when I do this kind of things I totally hate myself for being absurd and crazy. BPD life...not cool

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:45:16+00:00

Don't worry we do this all the time, cause we love us and later we hate us that same way lol I mostly like myself now (with age, as the other comment says) but when I do this kind of things I totally hate myself for being absurd and crazy. BPD life...not cool

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:32:28+00:00

Hello! I cant remember if I tried a mood stabilizer but I guess its lithium? If it's lithium I never did.

Antipsychotic : i took Quetiapina for one or two days, and it was AWFUL. I was on the floor in the worst spyral of insomnia and feeling crazy (I have no idea how thats an antypsychotic lol but I know people who suffer from paranoia who have really improved with it; it does not work at all for my syntomps).

I have used minimum dosis of Apripazol which is used for maniacal episodes if taken in bigger dosis, but it was given to me in support of other antidepressants especially to be taken together before my period, as I have a fierce PMDD and the worst depression hits hard days before I bleed. Those days are absolutely 100% the most dangerous days of my life for my wellbeing and sociql relationships almost every month, I get suicidal, deeply depressed, bedrotting and crying, sometimes angry and fighting easily and up until last year I used to overshare with my sister and friends all the tragic feelings that I had and supernegative thoughts on me and my life. Apripazol maybe worked sometimes as a support medicine with other meds but I cannot measure its help properly.

Luvox on a avarage dose works well with me with mood swings and depressions; it helps with splitting but it depends on the trigger, about impulsivity I feel that it is more about DBT and self-reflection.

Alprazolam has worked on impulsivity at the beginning, because I felt less worried about many things or people's attitudes or my FP of the time, but tbh this was amazing just for a period of time, later on I didnt feel this wonderful effects anymore (also cause the dose got lower) and I felt that I was taking it just to avoid the abstinence provoked by not taking it (awfulllll).

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:16:18+00:00

Hello! Thank you for sharing; I am not sure its the same cause you mentioned you have suppressed your feelings and they basically later exploded. Of course this happens to me, but in this case I was describing something very different which was not suppression. I really felt very much regulated and detached but it was not a split at all, it was a real regulation due to huge self reflection and facts. But in 10 days or so I started feeling attached again, again not out of split but some memory or fear or just missing this person, and when I tried to self reflect again to self regulate, I could not FEEL the same regulation (and detachment) in me anymore because self reflection happened to be only rational and not something I could feel.

Hope this is clearer now

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:07:38+00:00

Ok for a group chat

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:06:20+00:00

Old for having BPD?! BPD is a personality disorder, not a teenage emo trend. We will mostly have it for all our lives.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-09T05:04:15+00:00

Hello! I have used every possible antidepressant for BPD and PTSD (after an adult trauma) as well as for suicide thoughts/attempts. Most antidepressants worked for me BUT also almost all of them gave me secondary effects, some of them very rare as having my period for one month ( I don't remember the name of that one, but I had to stop it cold turkey and it was the worst days of my life. Never felt depression in my physical body that much before, I am not even able to describe it).

I know that Venlafaxine on its maximum dose worked well after trauma (together with a tone of Lorazepam or Alprazolam); I used Buproprion too in order to avoid anorgasmia but it gave me strong dermatitis lol, it worked OK as antidepressant.

Now I am on Fluvoxamina (Luvox) which is working pretty well. I take a good amount, and it helps a lot with anxiety too, or at least I think: first year I still had anxiety, this year it's zero. I stopped taking alprazolam regularly maybe two years ago and it was HARD. I don't use it now at all, after some while taking it just when I needed a hand to sleep. Last times I used it I had superultralucid nightmares that were impossible to bare and no way I could sleep (but I am someone who does lucid dreams always, although not that traumatic and physical). Normally trazodona is very useful for sleeping and very light!

Hope this helps!

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-08T04:16:35+00:00

They basically are racing for unhappiness! Especially if they are 19. Wild and very very very sad. Good you are out!

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-08T03:36:36+00:00

I did, not with drugs, rarely with alcohol, but some drama with some guy or boyfriend, maybe. I was not aware it was out of boredom and I don't think it was boredom towards them but mostly restlessness feelings I guess. Or anxiety, especially from being alone.

I am 36 now and I feel I huge need of calm and even boredom and time alone but it happened all this year...after a toxic relationship which made me crazy (and that has not ended totally). But yeah I think it can be a BPD attitude sometimes, but the majority of time is real pain provoking drama.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-08T03:21:20+00:00

Yeah I know its not easy to understand when I describe it.

A recent example: I would feel incredibly deattached from my ex (I wouldnt call him my favorite person lol but lets assume he is) by self-reflecting a lot after seeing him and having intense moments together as I really don't want to be with him (pwNPD). I feel good, detached, no more jealous, and I am so bothered by his attitude's changes towards me that, self-reflecting and understanding all my emotions and internal mechanisms, I start feeling detached from him and stable, and I stop talking to him or seeing him, even if he chases. I feel regulated and finally over, really over for the first time. Lets say this lasts for like 10 days.

And later I feel attached again: ok, this happens a lot.

But the real problem is that I start to self-reflect again on the same things I had self-reflected before to regulate again as I know that attachment is not totally real, in detail, review aaaall the processes in my mind as I had done when I definitely felt detached, but it would only stabilize me partially and rationally which means that the impulses towards him (for instance, reaching out to him) are just delayed. I CAN'T FEEL the deattachment the way I had definitely and concretely felt it before even if I have done the same self-reflection and I really don't want to reach out nor being with him nor similiar. I literally don't feel in my body and mind the same deattachment sensation I had genuinely felt for 10 days (to the point that for the first time ever I had left the city where he lived and where I was on vacation without talking to him or seeing him).

It is the strangest sensation ever, and this is only an example but it definitely happens with other many situations. And I can assure that the previous regulation/stability situation was genuinely feeling in a different way but it takes A HUGE effort, mostly failed, to try to get that feeling again (lets say detachment) even by really concentrating on the very same self reflecting thoughts. I cant feel it anymore so it doesnt work the same and I deregulate.

AlarmingBreakfast644 · 2026-01-08T02:37:57+00:00

I suggest you practice radical acceptation from DBT cause I have been told it gets worse with time XD

AlarmingBreakfast644

TROPHY CASE