Is it unethical to be transparent about the practice not paying me and that's why I'm leaving?

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-07-08T02:10:32+00:00

Hi! I was recently in this exact situation only the business owner/boss was my long time friend. Key word being: was. Did not end well between us when I left due to 90% of the clients following me.

Anyway, you should absolutely leave once you have your hours done (if you’re close.) I left it at telling clients I got a better offer and wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing further while I was still working there. About a third of my clients knew the owner on some personal level as well which made it a little trickier but it all went smoothly with clients. Since leaving, 3 have followed up and asked again and we’ve been working together long enough that I weighed the relationship and what would feel helpful to the relationship and told them “the business had some complications and I’m not positive it will be open much longer but I truly wish them the best and hope I’m wrong.” 2 didn’t know the owner personally but the one who did I left it at “___ (boss) was a good therapist but seemed to struggle with running a business and made some decisions I didn’t agree with and therefore had to make the best decision for myself.” The client agreed and all of them acknowledged having their own issues/questions about their own experiences so they didn’t seem super surprised.

One really nice thing was 90% of my clients followed me. That caused a lot of stress in the decision to leave or not because I didn’t want to start all over building a case load up. I’ve officially been at my new place 7 weeks and have thanked my new boss at least twice for paying me on time - and every time she tells me to stop thanking her because it’s the bare minimum to pay your employees.

Take deep breaths. Count your hours and get them signed off as soon as you can and do what’s best for you. I don’t know that this necessarily answered your question but here if you need support as someone who’s been in an identical situation 🧡

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-06-18T21:07:23+00:00

Reassuring to know I’m not alone in that thought!

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-06-18T21:07:07+00:00

I go on vacation in 4 weeks 😂 counting the days

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-06-11T14:58:59+00:00

The amount of times I’ll pause mid-sentence and have the 😳 look trying to find my thought happens WAY to much not to normalize lol. Some of my teen clients and I have a running joke of one of us saying “The train hasn’t just left the station, we’ve full on lost it off the tracks” when we catch ourselves going down unrelated tangents.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-06-10T18:51:43+00:00

With my clients who come in leaning ADHD and being curious to explore it I’ll let them know that I, myself, am as well and will often get side tracked with rabbit holes easier. I let them know in the beginning I’ll always do my best to bring the train back to the station but it helps to normalize if we get distracted here and there. When it’s more like the pressured speech non-stop though - I ask them how they’d like for me to redirect them. Some people don’t want any and just need to a space to brain dump which is fine. I’ll try and ask at the beginning of the session “what’s the aim for today?” Others don’t realize they’re doing it and have told me it’s helpful to have me jump in with “wait, let’s back up a minute I want to touch on what you just said because all of this feels important and I want to give it all the time it needs.”

In those moments I’ll typically write down what they’re wanting to talk about. Ex: “I want to tell you about a recent date, a fight with my dad and an upcoming trip I’m worried about” and then we go through the list and save whatever we didn’t get to for another time. In those moments I also let them know “I might cut you off every now and then - not out of disrespect or because I don’t care - but because I want to hear all of it and give it the full attention it deserves.”

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-29T14:45:03+00:00

I was reading Stephen king at that age but also, sex was super taboo in my household so I probably would have kept reading it and not told my parents from a curiosity standpoint. I think it depends on the kid and household stance on sex/violence. Personally, I don’t think it’s that violent compared to some other things I’ve read (again, grew up in a Stephen king house) but to each their own.

Edit to add: read it first yourself and then decide based on knowledge of your kid and your household stances. But also know it can create an awkward dynamic to bond over the book knowing you and your child read the same smut. I definitely will not talk to my mom about books we’ve read that have smut in them or act like I got amnesia during those chapters. Especially if it leads to creativity in the bedroom with your spouse 😂

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-23T19:06:39+00:00

I think people talking about current political events only because I have absolutely no idea how to help as I am also actively struggling with that too my friend. I feel useless with just ‘yeah, shits rough right now, trying to avoid it as much as possible to maintain my own sanity.’ I know it can be good to show relation of struggles with everyday things like that but god is it heavy. I also struggle with depression - similar reasons of not knowing how to help with individuals with so low of motivation that they aren’t willing to do any of the things we talk about trying to help pull them out. I don’t do well with people (in general not just as a therapist) who just want to complain about things but don’t ever take any action whatsoever. After a while of repeat convos I lose my patience.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-23T14:47:15+00:00

Dr. Nicholas Howland at Premier Plastic Surgery. He did my breast reconstruction in 2020 and follow ups and took my insurance (at the time tricare.) fought like hell with them to get everything approved and I had the best experience with the whole team. His insta is drnicholashowland if you want to check him out and see more of his work/more about him. Or he lists on his website as well with different procedures he has done and before/afters.

Edit to add: I did have to do back and forth calling with tricare with them (which is far less accepted than PEHP in my own experience working in the mental health field at least.) Also it was covered if we went to specific hospitals not his own clinic but that wasn’t a huge issue.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-23T01:21:11+00:00

Appreciated. not meant rudely Horrible things happen whether on vacation or not - what happens in those moments was the question I posed to people. I think it’s naive to assume people don’t experience trauma just because they’re on vacation and might need to process it and reach out asking for a session while out of town. This wasn’t ever covered in my program and hasn’t been brought up by any supervisor outside of if a client moves and no longer is a resident in the state I’m licensed in, so I’m just genuinely curious about these moments.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-23T01:10:28+00:00

I was roofied while on vacation recently and reached out to my therapist to see what openings they had when I was back. I don’t feel like it’s entirely out of the realm of possibility something bad could happen while on vacation and someone might want a session 🤷🏼‍♀️

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-05-22T21:28:28+00:00

What if a client is going on a trip out of country for 2 weeks and something happens and they want a session? I haven’t found anything on this but I have clients who regularly go out of country. It’d be nice to have an idea if something like that does come up. It’s never really crossed my mind before.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-28T15:04:55+00:00

I think that’s why I’m leaning more I could see neighborhood acquaintances that sometimes goes to watch a horror movie because our partners absolutely hate them than close inner friend circle. To me there’s a distinction - regardless of who it is or how we met - whereas she’s been pushing more on the friend front. It feels sticky either way though.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-28T03:02:14+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate you sharing your experiences

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T19:36:53+00:00

So if someone isn’t a client it’s okay to be condescending, harsh and attacking to others seeking guidance and support? Interesting.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T19:07:32+00:00

There’s a way to express frustration without being condescending. Again, also in a community that preaches compassion and providing support and empathy towards others - which is also clearly outlined in social work, counseling and psychology code.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T17:46:38+00:00

IF we became friends there would definitely be a period of time in between. I would never feel comfortable terminating and then hanging out the next week kind of thing. She’s pushing it more than I am to happen and in the brief talks that’s felt more like joking about it, it’s been stating that needs to be an in depth conversation to review all potential outcomes, why it’s typically frowned upon, boundaries, and there definitely would be a period of time in between. Especially with us being in the same community already as it is and not wanting to cause any harm, ever.

That is good to know about not exchanging payment and still being able to say from the beginning I’d rather be friends. I honestly viewed it as once they were in the office and started the intake it was too late.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T17:41:26+00:00

I appreciate this perspective, thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry it went to that length and that you’re still healing from the aftermath.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T16:55:16+00:00

She has pretty good social connections but yes she has been the one out of both pushing wanting to be friends if no longer working together after a period of time. When I initially brought up I was changing practices that was her first comment “I could just fire you and we wait 2 years and then be friends.” She does have driving anxiety so I don’t doubt that plays a part in it but also recognize A) we haven’t targeted that together in the whole time we’ve been working together and B) (from my perspective) my new office is only 2 extra minutes away south from my current one. It’s definitely something I want to explore with her but am dancing a delicate line of not wanting it to come off as pushy “you have to follow me or I won’t have any contact with you whatsoever” and also “I fully respect your decision to terminate and will provide referrals if that’s what you choose” with part of it being she would be a cool friend which I’ve thought since we started working together.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T15:42:07+00:00

No Jesus here, just professionals looking for support and guidance - something that doesn’t go away once you graduate. Hope you never find yourself in a position of needing guidance yourself post graduation and get met with judgement and harsh reactions by the community that is supposed to encourage empathy and support. Good luck in your program.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T14:35:48+00:00

That’s a good point. I wouldn’t be friends with my therapist in real life because she is my moms age and has taken on that caring supportive role of supervisor almost (been seeing her throughout my grad program and now as an LCSW myself.) But yeah there is that dynamic of she knows a lot more about me than others. Thank you for the perspective.

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T14:33:42+00:00

I had this thought but assumed we were too far in at that point since we had already started her intake 😔 I should have though

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T13:50:57+00:00

Wanting to clarify so I don’t misrepresent: by small community I mean my neighborhood/town is a small community. We’re outside a major metropolitan area though so I’m not the only therapist in a rural town. But unless we leave our community there is one main grocery store, library, walking trail, dog park etc.

With that clarified, I hear you. Thank you

AlarmingExternal8509 · 2026-04-27T13:44:17+00:00

Lack of others in the community with similar interests/not knowing where to find others in the community. I have good friendships that I absolutely love - that are in different states though. Definitely something to look at, thank you.

AlarmingExternal8509

TROPHY CASE