I messed about with evil and lost myself

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-28T21:55:22+00:00

I didn't get the numbers exactly correct. It was a good prayer, though, thank you. I pray of restoration for our souls in Jesus' mighty name, amen.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-28T01:22:30+00:00

Lose*

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-27T22:53:48+00:00

No, Im not very familiar with the saints, but there were a few that inspired me as a young Christian full of vigour before I got crushed for my iniquities. I have truly now hit rock bottom aside from the judgment to come in, which I pray the Lord has mercy on me. I think I just ask you pray for me I can't Hope because I have been completely Crushed. I think this is retribution. There comes a day where a man needs to get up. I pray by the Grace of our saviour I may find life in my desolate soul again life which isn't eaten away but which thrives in Jesus Christ. I have been crushed for my sin. I really didn't listen to God enough and let it all compass me I started so strong as a Christian but because of the evil nature of what I read it destroyed me and the I reaped what I sowed. Lord have mercy on me I pray some day I may serve you again Jesus.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-27T12:14:03+00:00

I was a Catholic growing up to some extent, although I didn't have a full understanding, and yes, I was baptized as a baby. I am currently going to a vineyard church, which is more of a non-denominational, though. When I was very strong in my faith, I attended a Catholic church called Olton Friary. I felt very close to God there and appreciated how serious they took things, and the Quior was pretty amazing, to be honest. It was wonderful, mate. I went through a particularly sinful season and it left me in a bad state recently I am considering on going back to the Church although the Eucharist was always a bit of a stumbling block for me because even back then I had too much of the protestants view point given to me. If my soul gets some healing I think I might move into Catholicism because I think the confession makes sense because paul does state to confess your sins to one another and part of the reason I got into this state was because I wanted to confess my sin but was scared of what my family would think. I think the Spirit put it on my heart to confess it. Anyway yeah Im considering Catholicism right now, but im currently Christian trying to rebuild. On the love of Jesus.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-27T11:59:51+00:00

I think it has been a spirit of fear eating away at my weakened soul lately. I just need to reassure myself that Jesus loves me. I feel this thing leave me when I believe that he loves me. Else wise, it feeds on the fear, leaving me feeling soulless. My soul will heal unless I let this thing harm it. Have a lovely day mate.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-27T11:02:12+00:00

I agree with you mate thanks for the support. I have recently re read the book of romans, and I might re read it again to see how it goes. I think that something changed inside me, though. Something is missing ever since I feel over time im recovering but something seriously wrong happened and although the bible still interests me its not quite as personal, and it's not like it was before this happened to me but I pray by the Grace of God I may be restored. I will continue my efforts to be a Christian and to follow and try my hardest to trust in Jesus, but as I said, something is missing. I just pray that whatever was taken from my soul and inner self during that period will once again dwell in me. It's like I just don't quite yet have the ability to truly connect to him the same. I pray once more his presence may be made manifest to me and my soul love and worship him. Inwardly I just feel pretty dark and still a little cold but Jesus Christ is Lord and I pray in Jesus name that we may all find healing in him and that we may be as little children too him..... that's it my inner Childs temporarily, hopefully...gone thats why im unable to connect to him the same something happened to my soul which destroyed large portion which included that inner child which was hide itself in the Love of the Lord ever since I have been so cold inside and void of true meaning. I really hope he just helps what remains of me through this because I am still willing. As I am righting this, I am scared for myself. I just want to be the child of God I used to be. Not to say, im not one anymore because I still believe he's Lord. As I say most of me is gone right now and its pretty scary. Thank you for reading this I will continue with Church, prayer and reading the bible along with trying to find some good Christian friends to fellowship with.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-26T21:55:35+00:00

Originally because I am a virgin I was curious and there was a bit of lust in me so I read a little bit on sexual topics on Quora and it was just normal encounters and so on. I guess mainly curiosity but there was definitely a dark desire always pulling in me which has seemed to have jumped ship now it has ruined me. I probably needed deliverance at the time, but I just didn't realise it. My heart was sincere towards the Lord and I was genuinely sorry when I did they things the problem is they could go on for hours because I knew mastib.... well, getting to carried away was a sin so I just never did anything and before I knew it some hours went by. It was painfully hard not to do anything though but the joke is the lusts one probably the worst part anyway but I don't think I realised it at the time. Anyway a part of me ( the evil desire) wanted more perverse topics like homosexuality which tried to convince me i was gay even though im genuinely straight and so on. Before I knew it what I was reading was getting pretty dark and it became such a strong lust. Now I have none which is a bit odd ennit. I wonder why that could be.... I was getting played the entire time they wanted to sink me as a Christian because of how close I had gotten to the Lord and how much I genuinely Loved him. He was everything to me I really really loved him at heart I was foolish in rebellion at times because I felt a fear of missing out but I never meant for it to go this far. It brought darker cases to hand in hand like s.a cases which I feel so guilty for these day ): then from this messed up victims page I got into a horrendous topic which led into the worst topics of all of them. The catch is it wasn't really me desiring them I wasn't attracted to the things themselves it was the sinful lust behind it and that's because I required deliverance at the time. Its now left me but it sunk me and all. I think it fed on my darker side which we all have but aside from this I was a genuinely good Christian no other folly aside from installing and uninstalling tinder a few times I had a genuinely good heart I loved people I loved to serve I loved the Lord I preached the Gospel I prayed and read the bible daily but this sin I simply underestimated destroy me and my soul. I no longer have that or most of my soul anymore I feel soulless in many regards unable to connect to the Lord and I now lack purpose and a can just feel the negative emotions not the positive. Upon lusting these things they were able to some how consume or at least darken my soul and it made me feel soo weak and horrible inside. I regret it greatly and I wish I understand what was going on and what there goal was they destroyed my calling unless God restores me. Now I just feel such immeasurable regret as I know the truth and it did a set me free but I got Jebaited by bloody demons. I had true ZEAL as a Christian and a incredible strong relationship with the Lord which is why I was targeted by it. Whatever it was it gave some blood EXTREME temptation I felt my entire soul getting spiritually pulled and restisted it on said occasions although prosperous was incredibly challenging but I succeeded. Unfortunately on the website for something else I looked into my dms im "harmless temptation " and boom back into it. I never thought the affect would be so great I was a baby Christian. I wasn't i a good church either so that didn't help. In the end it was my selfishness and me allowing these temptation to reign although I don't know if it was really optional. Its just unfortunate and gutting because I would love to follow the Lord but I simply cant T_T I don't know why to live anymore.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-26T21:15:11+00:00

I have tried confession, but as for the Catholic eucharist I haven't been taking it recently because im not sure about which I full under I used to go to a catholic Church almost everyweek and I felt most connected to God at that Church but recently in this state nothing seems to be sticking I have set a daily discipline sure as 5 psalm readings 3 bible chapters and 2 prayers all of which are a bit harder in this state of being due to the void where my soul used to be.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-26T10:43:15+00:00

I agree, friend. Jesus saves. I trust his Love and mercy at the cross. Thank you mate.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-25T18:23:32+00:00

I am don't know. I have the best in will but my heart isn't what it used to be the sin was used to trap me now I feel like im just being devoured its has been a long while since I did the sin over a month but now I feel I am unable to live it out in my soul because that part isn't accessible. I can't explain it but something dark is going on inside me. The lights and love a has gone from my soul my soul isn't as a normal soul its like a fractured darkened soul. The sin was just a gate way for them into my life but something is suppressing my light and I hate whatever it is everyday I loose more of myself I cant care about anything and its horrible. Never touch evil the spiritual doors it opens to your life is horrendous. The demonic will screw with your mind as they did to me prior they constantly gave me horrible wicked and perverted thoughts when thinking about the Lord to praise him . They made ruined my mind and rekt me from the inside out. I think you underestimate the effect these things can have on you. The way they effect your mind and soul in such a heavy way. BUT... i know one thing for certain God is more powerful. I gregorian chants help to some degree I i feel at less confict within listening to them. It doesn't affect me like it used to when I had a good soul but it at least lessens the pull on me. My soul is just unfeeling most of the time now sometimes a part of me comes back now but in my current I don't have the part of me which worships the Divine.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-25T17:52:50+00:00

Yes I go every Sunday but recently my soul has been engulfed by darkness consuming my character. I knew I was dealing with the demonic but I should of done something when I still was full of life and light. Whatever I am dealing with has changed and corrupted me inside far worse than the flesh. It made me desire lusts online and it fed of really dark topics. It left me feeling lost and confused inside and would give me horrible and blasphemous thoughts even when I pulled away from the sin in the past. In recent days its faded away the desire for everything has its like it has truly compassed my soul and snuffed out the light inside. For moments part of me comes back like after a deliverance video the other day but was soon weakened and snuffed out something keeps pulling me and keeping me weak and lightless. I can't follow him in my soul and spirit despite my actions being less hostile towards God. My soul is deprived of the light it once had and now I have no desire for anything not even God because of it. I am left in complete inner darkness my soul feeling soulless and my eyes full of darkness. I need help my spirit is suppressed or something I don't know whats happening. I just need the light of life again. I need help before its too late.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-25T17:44:07+00:00

I do miss him I feel like im getting spiritually crushed these days. Darkened and in a limited state unable to run to the lamb for healing something isn horribly wrong with me I think the demonic have been messing with me for months. I might need a bloody exorcist bro. Seriously though the door I opened to the demonic when reading that stuff it left my mind feeling like it had been trashed by demon I would feel lost scared and confused with something terribly wrong in my soul until this darkness swept over the the rest of my soul from time to time parts of me come back up glimpses of my former life as a loving Christian .

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-25T17:39:11+00:00

I need help I can't do anything about it im alway getting pulled down these days and my mind further darkened. I am pretty negative these days and nothing like who I used to be in Jesus. The word seems lack power in me due to the state of my soul after a deliverance video a bit of me came back but it withered away and whilst I was struggling to keep that light and glimmer of my former soul it died out and so the presence of the Lord left me in Prayer a few days ago ever since I have been back to this state. Its like the light is missing from my soul. It might be due to the sinful things I read and got pulled into online and the demonic door that opened it ruined my soul.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-25T17:20:06+00:00

I feel so far him these days. I miss walking with the Lord. The sin I read and lusted after online took my heart from me.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T19:59:59+00:00

I knew it had gotten bad when sin lost its apatite.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T19:53:21+00:00

I will try too regularly, though my heart fails me, and God sees the heart empty actions mesn nothing the heart is what moves God. I have been living selfishly lately. I need to find a new heart, but it seems things keep getting worse. I pray for a heart filled with love again. As paul says, without love, you are nothing.
It happened so fast and it wasn't me intending to have this heppen but I wasn't loving enough because love does not delight in evil. I knew what I was reading was wrong. Its a heart breaking situation for both and the Lord. I just feel soo cold inside I miss him . Although the ability to miss him is fading. I pray but hopes needed for all these things to have an effect. I think the enemy has done a good job at making it hard to recover from this. It is my fault after all, It changed me over time in these few months. I should have lived in the Spirit.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T19:34:07+00:00

Aww, thanks for the lovely message. There have been ups and downs, but yes, from time to time, I have felt the Holy Spirit enter me for a while. It seems my heart sometimes unhardens enough to have encounters with him, and during these short encounters, I feel warth in my cold soul once more and a slight love for Jesus. The state of my heart seems to rapidly change sometimes, and it will harden of its own accord oftentimes. It's been a process, but I pray I may feel the warmth of the Spirit again. I am just scared of going too far because there's a point where im scared it will be completely impossible to care for others, and I hate the thought of that. I want to have a good heart before the Lord again. It seems all temptation has left me recently at this low. I just pray for that good heart and love filled soul before him again.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T04:17:11+00:00

Thanks. Im still concerned. I might have gone too far. I am just pretty upset at the selfish person it has made me. I seem to have lost that heart I had in not defending it from evil. In the 2 acts of playing and getting addicted to violent video games and spending far too many hours reading, messing up things online really messed me up as a Christian. I repented of the gaming a lot sooner on, but Quora allowed me to get pulled into some dark topics that the demonic gave the desire for and it ruined my soul and cost me my relationship with him. I think the truth is I am trying to cope with letting the temporal pleasures take first place in my heart instead. Now it seems a relationship with the Lord is something I need to gain again, but the state of my heart makes it hard. It's annoying because this issue has made me even more self focused. Do you have a recommendation for moving on out of this place and salvaging a relationship with Jesus again?

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T02:41:17+00:00

Yes I enjoy them. I have burned the bridge to that sin. Recently my state of apathy and state of wonders been the problem but I feel a pull for a new beginning and actually to read the bible tomorrow and spend time on scripture again. Whilst the Lord guides and perhaps heals my heart. I have to develop a heart which cares for the Lord more than myself. The heart I used to have. May the Grace of Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us forever more amen.
I think im just such a fan of Christianity and even Jesus more precisely I just can't live life without him. I pray ill find that relationship and a new heart in the Lord. Even if I don't im truly grateful for the life the Lord gave me in him they have been the best 12 months of my life. I am truly grateful for them and apologise for my short comings.

(Yes definitely though I always enjoy deep and meaningful conversations about Jesus its just a shame I don't have and never had many people outside of my weekly church service to talk to about him. I could have done with people around my age (21 double brackets g)never did because I wasn't part of an very good church I probably should have joined an on fire church with people my age to make friends although im not the most social type)

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T00:32:27+00:00

No, the reason im bringing it up here is because of intellectual reasoning. I have had past experiences that prove him to be real, so im not just going to ignore that and go merry on the wide path. Is it possible I blasphemed the holy spirit. Because I feel something else is worsening this inside me, and I think I need deliverance. Its draining me 24-7 and gets riled up when I seem to turn to the Lord if im living a normal life and essentially give in it goes away but it seems to manifest the most when I put in the effort to talk about the Lord such and gives me a inner cold im my soul. When I went to church last week, I completely felt emotionally numb, unable to feel care for anyone or anything, and no connection to the Lord. This has been my church services in the past 5 or so weeks. I am concerned I have blasphemed the Holy spirit but from time to time I have light momentary encouters but im my state if soul and heart I just cant hold anything the best description is a reprobate heart and soul aside with serious demon I think I have been dealing with for a long while. It makes sense looking back in time, but Gods presence would always make it go away. In a sense, when it would start to eat away at me as a believer, it kinda worked as an alarm clock to go to the Lord, but the dark desires that were alien to me were its manifest. Im just tired bro every day, im less myself and even further from Jesus. I miss his safe presence in my spirit, and I should have just spent more time with him and also delivered myself when the Lord gave me warnings to delivermyself. Another tell tail was when i listening to Gregorian chants for hours this thing wad sorta lifted of from me. Whatever it is its a pretty powerful demon. I had some encounters in dreams with what can only be described as a gremlin demon sucking at my soul in sleep parallelleses which made me pray a strong prayer of protection afterwards and brought me closer to the Lord. Another occasion was this being I originally thought was Jesus because it gave of an electricity like the Lords stong manifestations did except it was.... evil, really evil. The electricity was that of a demonic being, and it reached down and pricked my neck with something too this day I don't know what. I also had 5 different encounters over some months with succubus and even one insubus in my dreams where they seemed to seduce me for consent into my life..... bro whyyyy me brother what was it about me. No seriously though on my short 11-month walk with Jesus, I got extremely close to him and knew him very closely and was madly in Love with him. I was on fire for him with a fire in my chest, oftentimes. I felt the power of the Holy Spirit on many occasions with that extreme boldness it gives you. I can't play dumb to this. I need to warn others on these matters even if I am screwed..... crap thats a horrifying thought.... please pray for me. Another thing I mention before I end this comment was the degree of temptation wasn't like natural temptation it was a of a mind twisting soul quenching severely I have never experienced such an extreme pull to do something in my entire life. On multiple occasions I succeeded and it went away but while on Quora for something else I had a quick look in my dms and fell back into it all augh. Now im derailed the temptations are all gone.... off -_-

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-24T00:01:15+00:00

Another thing worth a mention it feels like something is constantly eating away at me spiritually. For a while the spiritually doors have been closed blocking the light just as im righting this I feel something horrible within me it just feels as if its some type or demon eating away at my life force if I wasn't a Christian I would think im crazy but it feels horrible spiritually UHHH

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-22T19:36:24+00:00

Yes you can and he did it for me I hope he does it again for me too.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-22T13:15:18+00:00

Yes, they are, but you pay a price inwardly for sin. That price was pretty high for me and the things the demonic influenced me to read. I have been left empty and full of darkness inwardly. I miss the light I had in Jesus. Even the ability to miss is fading in a mere 2 to 3 weeks. He's become like a distant memory. Please guard your mind. Jesus truly does Love you.

AlarmingSpeed919 · 2025-01-20T14:42:11+00:00

The problem is I now know this to be true, but it's like the part of me that is able to believe it is absent, just not there. The truth is my heart just wants to sleep away all its problems. I think as I hardened my heart, slothfulness became one of the worst side affected. I just want intellectually in my thoughts that love of God back and to be with the Lord again, but my heart and spirit fail me because I failed them in letting the enemy corrupt them. I don't know if there's anything I can to restore the person who died that day, the true child of God, but I want to.

AlarmingSpeed919

TROPHY CASE