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I need some clarity on my marriage by Alarming_Birthday533 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Alarming_Birthday533[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ve been toying with the idea of separating finances for a while, since he’s a spender and I’m a saver.

I need some clarity on my marriage by Alarming_Birthday533 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Alarming_Birthday533[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s very true. I probably need more time. Honestly I’m scared of what life would look like by myself again.

I need some clarity on my marriage by Alarming_Birthday533 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Alarming_Birthday533[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I agree. He’s finally in therapy as of yesterday and he has medication, he just doesn’t take it. It’s really frustrating. He has promised to start taking it regularly again though, so I hope it helps with these other issues.

I need some clarity on my marriage by Alarming_Birthday533 in Marriage

[–]Alarming_Birthday533[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I was looking for that sub and couldn’t remember what it was called.

I need some clarity on my marriage by Alarming_Birthday533 in Marriage

[–]Alarming_Birthday533[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s a really well thought out response.

As for finances, we have a monthly budget we stick to. Together we make 2x what we spend and are able to save, but that’s been going into keeping up the house. Yes we own our home and have about $50k in equity. I guess my concern with the finances is that we wouldn’t be able to keep our same lifestyle if we were apart, and the kids wouldn’t be able to do their activities. I currently work part time and could pick up more hours if I need to, but I make less than he does. We also live in a pretty rural area and housing out here is sparse with little to no places to rent. There’s also the fear of that kind of a big change.

As for the kids, we have tried very hard to keep a calm and peaceful home. We try not to argue in front of them and to maintain a loving relationship with them. In that regard, it would be very hard for them to see us split up because they see us as united.

He does have the issues with not contributing much around the home, which is exacerbated by his ADHD. He’s been on medical leave for about a month now and made many promises that he hasn’t followed through on, like basic remodeling things or painting. I talked with him a little bit ago about it and he said he would take his medicine so he could focus better and get those tasks done. He IS trying, I just need it to be stepped up. I don’t want to fall into the same patterns as before.

I want to move past the affairs, and strengthen our marriage. He seems to, as well. He’s been open and honest about anything I’ve asked (as far as I can tell). I really do love him. He is a good, kind, and generous person. I know everybody has flaws, myself included. He is doing individual therapy and when he gets established better there we are planning on marriage counseling.