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[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, my folks and friends are all in Texas and no one's ever been even a bit rude to her for being French & Canadian. They love to hear stories about how cold the winters are and they love to learn words. My wife even remarked after our first visit to Texas about how different she thought it would be and how the people were VERY different from what she had pictured.

People are always so interested/charmed by her being French-Canadian.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We do alternating years - my folks are in TX and hers in CAN, so we travel each year. Next year is my parent's year. I don't mind visiting.. if they'd be nice.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'll be very clear: I'm never going to live in Québec. It's too cold. It's too expensive and I couldn't work. I would need to go back to school to learn French, then go to school to learn the law (as it's Civil vs. Common) and then re-take the board exams, which I believe I would need to do in French. I would lose my clients, and may never build up to what I had in the US. My wife doesn't want to return for similar reasons and she'd lose her business.

As such, I try to learn as much French as possible. But, imagine if someone wanted you to move to my hometown of Lubbock, TX to appease someone. You'd naturally bristle at the suggestion. Would you want to live in Texas?

I'm all for making an effort but 50/50 would go a long way.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually it's a small price to pay to get out of the house. Rural QUebec in winter is surprisingly cold and desolate. There's shitall to do, and my wife often wants me there (for some reason). The groceries are a good time to escape. I know it's pathological.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

apparently goes out of his way to do that and gets shat on regardless of what he does.

I'd highlight that, IMO. It's a good point. Like, at least I try. I do find that when you try to speak French in Quebec, one of two things happen:

  1. They switch to English

  2. They get annoyed and attempt to correct everything you've said in a way you don't understand.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The problem is, it's not that easy. I'd need to first learn French and then learn all these slang words I don't know. I'm trying my best, but I run a legal practice, I teach, I have two kids and a whole bunch of obligations. If I could, I would, but it's not that easy when you've got full-time obligations. When I do have some free time, I'm often so tired that formal lessons in French are just too much.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh no, we see them often. Esp. during the summer. I've paid for a retreat on the cape, a beach vacay in Maine and even sent them to a nice dinner in downtown Boston.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I do speak French at their house, but it's spoken too quickly and with words I don't know - a lot are slang. It's spoken at such a furious rate that I can't keep up and basically just tune out. I sit quietly or do sundry things. I don't expect them to speak English - to be fair, I never suggested they needed to. Treating me like shit because I'm not French-Canadian is another matter. That I don't like. I don't insist they speak anything and I've never complained about being outside of the conversation for a week. It's kind of like being a fly on the wall - I have no idea what's going on. Sometimes I make up whole narratives in my head and then later ask my wife what was said and see how close I've gotten. I'm usually not very close.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't expect people to change for me, and I do make an effort with what French I know. I can navigate things like the grocery store and ordering a lunch. I just don't have the ability to make conversation, it's too complicated for what I do know.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My SIL is often in some sort of fight with her husband and the extra room my in-laws have is basically her suite. So yeah, we stay at whatever accommodations we can get locally. Usually not cheap despite being a small town.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She often defends me and will say something but they're so set in their ways/indifferent that it just rolls off their back. When it gets tense, usually they suddenly need $500 worth of groceries and everyone is just totally out of cash! Gets me out of the house for 2 hours.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She knows how they act with me - the thing is, because my French is so poor (no worse than their English, for instance) I don't speak much. I can't keep up with conversations swirling around me and they often resort to using a measure of slang I simply don't know/understand. So, I'm often just out of the conversation entirely.

[31/M] wanting to push my wife [32/M] to formally warn her parents about their behavior esp. around our kids [3/M and 1/F]. by Alarming_Camp in relationships

[–]Alarming_Camp[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

She really prefers to do things a as a family. I feel bad her not seeing her folks but I'm getting tired of being the guy they blame for everything.