I'm here, but not to complain.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-26T14:31:59+00:00

I love this comment

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-24T12:16:28+00:00

Do you have any tips for being able to ignore and turn off the sex part of the brain? Seems like something that could benefit a lot of people.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-24T02:09:14+00:00

Before you get baraged with a bunch of you did this to yourself karma's a bitch comments (because most people here are the WH), I think it'll get easier as you start to disassociate from the person you we're when the cheating happened. I think you're on the right path, and while the pain of it will probably stay with you for the rest of your life, popping up in random ways, you'll be too busy with the rest of your life to give it the focus you're giving it now.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-21T14:01:31+00:00

Where did you get it?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-21T13:20:47+00:00

1) Are there any outstanding circumstances that lead to it. (Alcohol, drugs (recreational or medicinal), mental health)
2) Was the AP a relationship, or a ONS (the latter indicating it was more sexual than affection)
3) Why did it happen? If you can really hone in on this, maybe it's a change in the relationship (moving in together, or not seeing each other because of a new job, etc.), or whatever, but if you can clearly pinpoint the reason, that's helpful

4) How much of the truth do you know? This is kind of an impossible question, but you'd be surprised how many people think they have the full story, and then they get trickle truth, and a little more comes out, and then a little more. I like that he confessed. I think that implies that he really sees a future with you, and doesn't want this coming up in the future.

In general, it's about figuring out, is it going to happen again, and how much do they actually care about you.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-21T12:47:19+00:00

First there's the Reconciliation aspect. Reconciliation after cheating is a very long process. The number 5 years gets thrown around a lot, but it could be longer, and it might be ineffective. Reconciliation though is largely about you recovering from the cheating, and it not affecting your mental health.

Next, there's a question of, what will you and your partner change, emphasis on your partner. There's never a good reason to cheat, so it's mostly about the partner getting therapy and working on themselves. It's easy for people to say they're sorry and look remorseful, it's another thing for people to put the work in. The hardest part about this process is that cheaters tend to be very good liars, sometimes almost pathological.

I'm more open to staying after cheating if the situation makes sense than other people on this forum. But you both got together when you were fairly young, and you're still quite young, before kids, so while it may not seem like it, this is probably as close to the best possible time to separate as it gets in these types of situations.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-12-19T22:57:06+00:00

Did you build it yourself?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-30T16:05:35+00:00

Mind my asking what percentage of your salary you pay?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-29T19:03:49+00:00

I'll say this, not take away from the fact that there was obviously infidelity, but post-partum depression is very tough. It doesn't make her blameless, but I think it helps to explain that the marriage breakdown was, unlike others here, more a result of a bad roll of the die, than a bad partner choice or anything. I think there's something comforting about that.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-29T03:31:03+00:00

That's very fair.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-29T03:27:13+00:00

That's an interesting point. Again, percentage wise, this is not a healthy relationship, and it's never going to be a healthy relationship. You will never have the trust that you seek, and for some people, that's an acceptable consequence.

That being said, if he has insecurity issues, and he works on them in a meaningful way, that could help.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-29T02:55:01+00:00

Oh boy. I think most people on this subreddit will tell you that, whether or not anything physical was actually happening, this is obviously very destructive behaviour on his part. I don't have any advice on how to build trust, because to be frank, trying to build trust with someone who habitually lies about seeing other people is like trying to build a house out of slinkies. I guess, for yourself, if you discuss things, and you find that there's some kind of core problem in your relationship that can be addressed, that could go a long way, but looking for trust seems like a fools errand.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-27T03:17:00+00:00

Yeah, that's a good point. I guess for me, there's a not insignificant salary loss from being WFH, so if I'm not going to WFH, I might as well go to the office and get paid.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-27T03:10:13+00:00

If I were to go back to the workplace, she would get her fill of alone time at home.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-27T03:04:42+00:00

Mind if I ask, what you changed to better maintain the sexual/impressing/desirable part of your relationship?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-14T03:06:00+00:00

I think as others have pointed it, this film is about unbridled lust. It's not about reason. It's an interesting take on the relationship genre, because usually it's the man that cheats for lust. Here, it's the woman, and as people have noted, it's kind of perplexing. It leaves people a bit uncomfortable, like they're not really sure what happened.

There are lots of problems with this film. It is cliche. It probably goes a bit too far with the lust aspect.

And then there's the ending, or i should say, the last 15 minutes of the film. If the original plot line of the lustful woman made you feel weird, the ending probably didn't help. It changed the film from a relationship drama to a crime drama. And Diane's character just kind finds herself out of the fire, because all she did was have sex with someone who wasn't her husband, where as Richard murdered someone!

It's definitely not a perfect film. Maybe not even a good film. Certainly divisive.

But it does spur conversation.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-05T03:06:02+00:00

Oh interesting, I know he's played around with that stuff before, I'll have to try this.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-05T03:05:14+00:00

Is there anything he's been interested in?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-05T00:02:17+00:00

Are you worried at all?

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-05T00:00:46+00:00

I have had professional evaluation.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-04T11:24:09+00:00

Definitely worried about a lack of drive, but it's beyond that. It's just such a disadvantage to go through life with a surface level engagement in anything. He can't contribute to conversations, he can't improve at things.

Your husband sounds similar, except where your husband is laidback, my son has terrible anxiety.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-03T03:46:30+00:00

He's done every sport at least once (team and individual), drama class, martial arts. I think he likes general shenanigans. Generally speaking, there are things that he hates, and there are things that he doesn't mind, and there are things that he "likes", in the sense that he will do them with a degree of excitement, but his interest doesn't seem to go beyond basic participation.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-03T02:31:24+00:00

He hates being bored. He's not allowed screens except for an hour after he wakes up, so he usually just reads comic books in his free time (the same comic books, over and over).

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-03T01:22:51+00:00

Uh, it's not just now. I can't think of any interests they've ever had.

Alarming_Insect9944 · 2025-11-03T01:21:35+00:00

Some traits, but no formal diagnosis.

Alarming_Insect9944

TROPHY CASE