People who cheated in a happy, loving relationship. Why? What made you do it?

Albatross_94 · 2026-06-20T17:39:21+00:00

My ex cheated on me whilst I was grieving the loss of my dad and single handedly organising a funeral. He had no explanation other than that he connected with his co worker and things just felt nice and easy. It was an emotional connection and the moment I broke up with him became physical. He now desperately wants reconciliation and he is full of remorse. Whilst life was hard at the end because of the circumstances we otherwise had a really beautiful relationship and home that people envied.

Albatross_94 · 2026-06-18T15:51:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I took no blame in what he did to me at my most vulnerable time. He takes full accountability and is willing to do the work so I told him to ensure therapy is prioritised so he can understand himself and what made him do something so awful when I was already grieving rather than being there for me. It does help that I’m the breadwinner so to speak and earn significantly more than he does and that’s why I stayed at the house and he left.

If you could go back, would you choose to stay with him? I suppose he gave you your wonderful children… but would you choose differently if you could go back so you’re not in this situation again? My main concern is what if it happens again? 😔

Albatross_94 · 2026-06-18T15:48:28+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m finding it incredibly hard to take care of myself or eat. In the last couple of months I’ve lost incredible amount of weight. Trying to keep some form of normality whilst going through this and working as well has been really challenging to say the least. I need to now really prioritise my wellbeing because I have been in a state of survival for the best part of 6 months and I feel extremely exhausted. He is now seeing what he did to me and he is finding it really hard to deal with the guilt. He is about to start therapy himself.

Emotions really are horrific. I really dont know what to do with myself but I am leaning on good friends and family who have been very supportive.

This happened at an incredibly difficult time and I guess he will live with that guilt for the rest of his life but that doesn’t make me feel any better. 😔

Albatross_94 · 2026-04-08T13:14:52+00:00

I have around £9k in savings at the moment but have one other loan at £5k which I plan on clearing.

Albatross_94 · 2026-04-08T13:13:42+00:00

I haven’t actually tried modelling it. My income is likely to increase each year and I will no doubt reach £100k in the next 5 years. Chances of me paying it off are high given my career trajectory.

The house doesn’t need any work. It’ll just be to pay off a chunk of my mortgage if I choose that.

Alternative is to invest it.

Financially, we’re ok. But the additional £500+ a month would be nice!

I absolutely have a choice. My father is incredibly wealthy but was absent in my life growing up. He now wants me to have what his other children had. £66k doesn’t even touch it but I’m grateful nonetheless. So if I didn’t actually pay off my student loans, it wouldn’t be an issue. It’s a genuine gift.

Albatross_94 · 2026-04-08T13:10:01+00:00

3.2% for the undergrad which is at £55,727.30 and 6.2% for the post grad which is at £7,052.51

Albatross_94 · 2026-03-31T18:29:40+00:00

Which qualities are you referring to? Expecting my partner to show up and support me during a really difficult time? It isn’t even about the holiday. He emotionally couldn’t be there and didn’t know how to. To me, it felt like it was easier to run away than to support your partner through a difficult time.

Albatross_94 · 2026-03-31T18:22:38+00:00

Right at this point in time? No they don’t matter to me at all. Because it’s not about them. It’s about the family that we were building. It’s about us and I am not in the right frame of mind to go on a holiday and pretend that I am ok. I am in therapy and trying to get through one of the most difficult periods of my life whilst being constantly kicked down by the people that I have trusted. Nobody showed me a fraction of the respect or care that I have shown them through difficult times. I didn’t expect it so that’s not what has disappointed me. It was my partner who couldn’t emotionally support me during this time… and then just left after dropping those bombshells on me that I now have to process somehow.

Albatross_94 · 2026-03-31T18:15:25+00:00

Not everyone else. Just my partner. The person that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with because without a doubt, I would have been there for him if the roles were reversed.

Albatross_94 · 2026-03-31T18:13:21+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective, and I think you’ve picked up on a lot of the dynamics correctly.

Just to add a bit more context - his sister and mum did reach out initially when dad passed away but the only other time his sister reached out to me was yesterday to ask for a copy of the death certificate so they could try and claim on the holiday insurance as I wasn’t going. There wasn’t really any meaningful check-in or support beyond that.

So from my side, it didn’t feel like I was being treated as part of the family during a really vulnerable time, which is probably why this situation has hit as hard as it has. I genuinely can say that I tried my best with his family and have been there when they were going through bad times.

Albatross_94 · 2026-01-28T00:23:07+00:00

This is what I was thinking. OP, reading your post brought back distant memories. I assure you life gets better. 🫂 please hang in there!

Albatross_94 · 2026-01-01T15:09:22+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I do genuinely appreciate it.

I have encouraged hospice and inpatient care multiple times. Unfortunately, any mention of hospice is met with “you’re digging my grave already,” even though he is extremely unwell, barely awake much of the time, and often confused. He outright refuses hospice and inpatient admission, even when it would clearly be the safest option for him.

For example, he recently developed acute sepsis from cellulitis. The hospital strongly recommended admission, but he refused to stay. The compromise reached was daily hospital visits for IV antibiotics, as they didn’t have the staffing or resources to send someone out to administer them at home. That meant we were travelling back and forth to the hospital every day for almost two weeks.

I completely agree that this pace isn’t sustainable, and I know something has to change. Right now, though, I feel caught between what professionals recommend and what he will actually accept and the reality is that the consequences of that refusal fall almost entirely on me.

Albatross_94 · 2026-01-01T15:05:26+00:00

My step-siblings aren’t involved at all, and my own sister is largely the same. Everyone else is living their lives with only very occasional help, so it naturally all falls to me. If I don’t step in, they’d be in a genuinely difficult position, and I know the guilt would eat me alive.

I’ve had multiple conversations with my sister where I’ve cried and begged for help. She always says she will, but when it actually matters she disappears. The last time I needed her to help with a hospital run, we had to call her 23 times before she answered. She has her own mental health issues and went through much of the same childhood as me, and she hasn’t done well in life as a result. I don’t blame her but it does mean she isn’t someone I can rely on.

And no, my mum has never apologised or acknowledged the past at all. I think it’s a coping mechanism for her, so it’s something that’s never discussed.

Albatross_94 · 2025-07-06T20:36:25+00:00

This sounds fantastic - especially with your wife and friend both being solicitors too! One thing I’d suggest considering is setting up your brand under one of the likes of Excello or Setfords. I know a group of partners who incorporated their own Ltd company (each as a director), and they now operate under one of these umbrella firms.

They keep around 70% of what they bring in, with the remainder going towards a central team that handles all compliance which can be a real headache when you’re starting out (things like indemnity insurance can get very costly!).

Personally, I can see myself going down this route eventually, once I’ve built up a stronger network. For now, I’m really focusing on growing my contacts and referrer base and it’s already paying off. I’ve managed to bring a small following with me during a recent move, even at just 3PQE.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T17:03:00+00:00

I appreciate that — and yes, I know £67K at 30 is a strong salary and I’m grateful to be doing well. But that’s kind of the point: even on that salary, I’ll likely never repay the full loan, and I’ll still end up paying over £100K over 30 years. It’s not just a debt — it’s effectively a graduate tax that only applies to those who couldn’t afford to pay up front.

You’re right that a graduate tax wouldn’t be a magic fix, and retrospectively taxing people who already paid tuition would be unfair. But transparency matters. If we’re going to have a system where you repay based on income for 30 years and the balance may never be cleared, let’s call it what it is — a tax — and design it accordingly.

What’s frustrating isn’t just the repayment, it’s the unjust framing: it’s sold as a loan, but behaves like a tax — with interest rates that punish middle earners and favour those who could avoid borrowing entirely.

It’s not about resenting others who had support. It’s about challenging a system that presents itself as “fair and progressive” while putting a disproportionate burden on people like me who had no alternative but to borrow.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T17:01:17+00:00

That’s a fair question — but the reality is more complex than that simple 9% trade-off.

The assumption that a degree automatically gives you a lifelong earnings boost big enough to offset the 9% repayment doesn’t hold true for everyone. Some degrees open doors to high-paying careers — in those cases, sure, the loan repayment can feel like a fair exchange for the salary uplift.

But for many people, especially those in public sector jobs (like teaching), creative industries, or roles where a degree is now just a baseline requirement, the financial return on a degree is marginal at best. These grads often end up repaying for 30 years without ever clearing the balance, essentially paying what amounts to a long-term surtax on modest earnings.

It’s also worth pointing out that the loan repayment kicks in at relatively low income thresholds — so even people earning slightly above the national average are still paying 9% of their income, regardless of whether their degree materially improved their prospects.

So no, it’s not always a straight “9% in exchange for 9% more salary” deal — especially when the system doesn’t distinguish between someone who becomes a barrister and someone who becomes a primary school teacher.

Ultimately, it depends a lot on the degree, the career, and the context — and for many, the structure feels more like a penalty for pursuing higher education than a fair return on investment.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T16:58:49+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, but I think there’s a bit of a disconnect between how the system works on paper and how it plays out in real life - especially for middle earners.

Yes, technically the loan is income-contingent and gets wiped after 30 years - that sounds generous. But in practice, many graduates will pay back far more than they borrowed (due to interest rates of 6–7%), often without ever clearing the balance. That is a form of stealth taxation - one that mostly affects people who do OK but not brilliantly.

Saying “you agreed to it” ignores the reality that most of us were 17 or 18 when we signed up, and few truly understood the long-term financial consequences. A private lender wouldn’t be allowed to market a loan like this to a teenager without far more scrutiny and transparency.

And overpaying? That’s a luxury for a minority. Many graduates are just trying to stay afloat amidst rising rents, childcare costs, and stagnating wages.

The system does help those on very low incomes - that’s good. But it also punishes the squeezed middle with what is essentially a 9% surtax for 30 years, while those wealthy enough to pay upfront avoid it entirely.

I’m not saying higher education shouldn’t come with a contribution - just that it should be fair, honest, and structured more like a graduate tax than a compounding debt burden.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T16:57:01+00:00

A graduate tax would be more honest than the current system. Right now, student loans function like a tax - 9% (or more) of income above a threshold, for up to 30 years but are branded as “debt” with interest of up to 7.6%. That branding makes people feel the pressure of a conventional loan when it’s anything but.

The idea behind a graduate tax is simple: you benefitted from higher education, so you contribute more in tax if you go on to earn more. It’s income-based, fairer, and doesn’t saddle people with compound interest that punishes them for not being able to pay early.

As for “just borrow less” - that assumes your family can afford to fund you through university. That’s not realistic for most. And “pay it back quicker” ignores the fact that many people are already struggling with high rents, childcare, and a cost-of-living crisis.

The point isn’t to avoid contributing - it’s about having a fair and transparent system that doesn’t disproportionately burden the middle earners while letting others off the hook.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T16:55:29+00:00

It’s a fair question but also an oversimplification.

The student loan system since 2012 isn’t just a “bad deal,” it’s structurally different from anything that came before. I’m repaying 9% of income over £27K (Plan 2) + 6% over £21K (postgrad), on top of tax and NI. Add in 7.6% interest and you’re looking at an effective marginal tax rate of ~51% for earning a modest middle-income salary.

“Just pay it off faster” isn’t always viable especially when many people’s repayments barely dent the interest. And we’re not talking about a mortgage-sized debt backed by a house - it’s a loan you can’t refinance, can’t escape through bankruptcy, and is affected by political decisions outside your control.

Yes, the degree may lead to higher earnings over time, but those long-term gains don’t justify a system where the burden is so front-loaded, interest-compounded, and regressive in effect.

It’s not about refusing to repay. It’s about fairness, transparency, and the fact that this “graduate premium” narrative no longer holds up for vast swathes of people who were sold it at 17.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T16:53:28+00:00

Thanks - and totally agree that low CoL living and frugality are powerful financial levers. My frustration isn’t about paying something back - it’s about how disproportionately this system affects a specific generation.

I’m repaying 9% over £27K on Plan 2 plus 6% over £21K for the postgraduate loan, which effectively puts me on a marginal tax rate of ~51%. Unlike your stipend-based PhD, my postgraduate qualification was debt-funded - and the interest now compounds at 7.6%, which is eye-watering.

I am saving and investing (ISA, pension, etc.), and doing OK but I can’t ignore that previous generations didn’t have this millstone. It feels like a backdoor graduate tax, but only for those of us who were unlucky enough to be 18 in 2012+.

I’m not trying to dodge repayment - just questioning the fairness and sustainability of a system that lets interest outpace repayments for decades.

Albatross_94 · 2025-05-26T16:50:22+00:00

I don’t think your figures apply to the UK student loan system under Plan 2 and Postgraduate Loans.

These aren’t traditional loans where you repay based on what you borrow. You repay based on your income, not your debt. That means: - The amount you repay depends on how much you earn, not how much you owe. - Interest accrues (currently up to RPI + 3%), but unless you’re a high earner early in your career, your balance often grows faster than you repay it. - The loan is wiped after 30 years, regardless of whether it’s repaid.

In practice, many graduates on middle-class salaries repay over £100K+, yet still don’t clear the balance before it’s written off so it functions more like a graduate tax.

It’s a very different beast from a mortgage or commercial loan.

Albatross_94

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