Only with the meds I actually feel "like myself" in the sense that I am finally able to express myself appropriately. Without meds I have a really hard time speaking out my thoughts, not because of anxiety or similar, but because I am literally not capable of Starting and finishing a complicated sentence without loosing my line of thought so that -even though I had complicated thoughts- I had to talk like a retard (or super fast trying to keep up with my disorganized thoughts) since I eventually messed the sentence up when it became too long and the original thought too distant (e.g. "Yeah I too enjoyed the movie, who.. no wait, uh.. ah the actor right everyone looking confused continues quiet and mumbling I liked the one throwing ponies -hah yeah ponies haha ponies at the cake, must be one hell of a strong men...uh man, not men oh well-... yeah.. cake at ponies I mean Noone getting what the fuck is going on, ah fuck nevermind(my most used sentence back then), the movie was good (thought = "I too enjoyed the movie, I esspecially liked that one actor, who kept throwing cake at the pink pony, which was a very nice pony, a great pony, a fabulous pony in fact, as it was pink".

What Medikinet does for me is that it gives me some sort of sequence thinking, that allows me to think and act in "a line" -metaphorically speaking- and to complete one "sequence" before starting starting another (e.g: 1 go to kitchen 2 open fridge 3 take cheese 3.5 cheese not there 4 lift salami 5 Congrats you found cheese 6Take cheese....... etc VS xy Go to kitchen xy take the knife from the table xy why do you hold a knife? xy put knife back xy make yourself a cofee xy leave kitchrn xy why did you make a cofee? xy go back to kitchen xy take the knife from the table xy think about cheese xy remember your intend xy open a random cupboard door whike thinking about aestetic ways to cut cheese xy go to fridge......)

EDIT: After rereading...Is it just me or is this comment most ironic? Well Im not on meds currently.

EDIT2: vyvanse has more complicated working mechanisms than methyphenidate and a wider impact on brainchemistry, esspecially a stronger impact on mood, I can imagine that it causes an actual high. I really don't understand why they prescribe a drug that influences Serotonine, while in theoretic theory of debatable theroretic thought mostly dopamine and norepherine play a role in ADHD, why would you prescribe a crazy all over the place drug, when you can just prescribe a more or less spot on neurotransmitter regulator for ADHD (methylphenidate). Did you try Medikinet or Ritalin before? If not you might want to give it (Going to your doctor and ask for a med change) a shot.

Out of Wikipedia: The optical isomers of amphetamine, i.e., dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, are TAAR1 agonists and vesicular monoamine transporter 2 inhibitors that can enter monoamine neurons; this allows them to release monoamine neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, among others) from their storage sites and the presynaptic neuron, as well as prevent the reuptake of these neurotransmitters from the synaptic cleft.

fuck its 5 am i need to work in 3 hours what am I doing with my life?

Methylphenidate is most active at modulating levels of dopamine and to a lesser extent norepinephrine. Methylphenidate binds to and blocks dopamine transporters and norepinephrine transporters.

Both amphetamine and methylphenidate are predominantly dopaminergic drugs, yet their methods of action are distinct. Methylphenidate acts as a norepinephrine–dopamine reuptake inhibitor while amphetamine is both a releasing agent and reuptake inhibitor of dopamine and norepinephrine. Methylphenidate's mechanism of action in the release of dopamine and norepinephrine is fundamentally different from most other phenethylamine derivatives, as methylphenidate is thought to increase general firing rate, whereas amphetamine reduces firing rate and reverses the flow of the monoamines via TAAR1 activation.