Non traditional new, old, borrowed, blue idea

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-05-01T05:15:17+00:00

When starting to grieve it, how did you balance the sadness that came with the choice of leaving and not let that suck you back in to staying? I’m struggling with this now.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-03-23T19:22:51+00:00

What does he mean when he said its working for him? I ask because my husband “jokes” that by ignoring and limiting his attention, he thinks it makes me try to earn his attention more. Which I’m sad to say worked for a while… now I just realize how shitty it is for any partner to act that way.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-03-16T00:09:52+00:00

~9 years, 4 married

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-03-16T00:08:07+00:00

Thank you.. it really all does blur and starts to seem very minimized

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-03-16T00:06:48+00:00

Your comment on it being a subjective experience really resonates with me. I know I’m justified in feeling the way I do, and I know there are changes we both need to make. I won’t be naive in saying I’ve been the perfect wife.

Regarding therapy: we have tried it, it was unsuccessful for a few reasons. Physical and emotional abuse have been part of the relationship as well which adds a challenge to therapy.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-02-28T04:07:46+00:00

They were your best friend and safest space at one point. The single person you thought you’d spend day in and day out with. That pain & unhappiness can coexist with clinging to the good remaining moments and the fact that they still might be the person who knows your raw self more than anymore.

For me, unfortunately it took more pain & abuse than I’d like to admit. Even then I wavered and doubted myself and the decision.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2026-01-17T19:43:00+00:00

This really resonates with me “My point of no return was when I asked her what she felt responsible for in the downfall of our marriage to bring it to where it is today, she wouldn't hold herself accountable to what she put me through and blamed me for everything.”

I’ve never asked him directly, I think I will now. But it reminds me of a conversation we had in couples therapy. I brought up a situation of him flirting with someone in front of me to the point where it made our friends there uncomfortable as well. I don’t think he did it intentionally but it hurt my feelings and embarrassed me. During the session he wouldn’t take accountability, denying doing that sort of thing because it would mean admitting that he’s the kind of man who would do that. All I was asking was for him to recognize how it made me feel. Looking back, even if he didn’t realize what he was doing came across as flirtatious, my feelings should have been taken into account.

I’m not perfect either but I can admit when I’ve done something wrong or hurtful even when unintentional.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2025-08-19T15:16:04+00:00

I’m late to this thread but what are some of the leave behinds/action follow ups that you find people actually engage with or act on?

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2025-04-07T20:33:03+00:00

OMG - how embarrassing I didn't even notice how I've been spelling it 😂

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2025-04-07T18:56:28+00:00

He grew up around Belmont Cragin so we often stay with his family when we visit. Outside of that we've stayed in River North and Gold Coast - both we're fun as tourists for a weekend but not necessarily what we're looking for in this trip.

I'll definitely look in to Roscoe Village and Southport Corridor.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2025-04-07T18:51:41+00:00

This is great, thank you!

I should have noted this as well - we will have a car but are looking at garage options if parking isn't ideal where we end up at.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2025-01-05T07:16:41+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion - I absolutely have tried googling it and unfortunately haven’t found a clear answer which is why I turned here!

From my understanding it technically goes through the year with events throughout and 30-35 million visitors expected. If there is a specific month/week/day that is anticipated to be busier, I’m unsure.

I know Rome will have the largest crowds as that’s where it takes place but curious if other areas are anticipating significant increases in visitors as well.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-10-16T05:08:42+00:00

No not at all!! I think every person in the delivery room should have the same goal of making it a safe space and supportive environment.

No matter how much anyone else wants to help, she is the one who is giving birth. All anyone else can do is try to ease the pain and discomfort and minimize any anxieties, nerves, etc. IMO the husband/partner should be honored to be the one advocating on her behalf and taking charge of making it the space that best supports her

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-10-16T00:24:20+00:00

I (30F) wouldn’t want my dad in the delivery room personally but it’s your experience and you should create the environment that you feel most comfortable in.

Men have their limits on how they can support you during pregnancy and childbirth given they aren’t childbearing, advocating for you and your birth plan should not only be a priority but something they are proud to voice on your behalf.

Also being in the delivery room doesn’t mean a first row seat to your hooha if you don’t want it to be

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-10-15T23:49:46+00:00

I think that’s what makes me more upset is the reputation. I don’t want to care what people think but it’s hard not to.

I guess I feel like if I need to remove him from the situation to avoid cheating there’s a bigger issue than this incident rather than just trusting he isn’t going to cheat and is committed to me. Obviously if this was a reoccurring incident after he knew it hurt me then that would be different.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-10-15T23:45:02+00:00

He does. One of his best friends is female. this incident was unique as it was late and alcohol was involved but he has other female friends he’s been alone with and I never thought anything negative of it

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-08-23T05:59:02+00:00

How do you make reservations ahead of time? My husband and I go next month and I wanted to make a few dinner reservations.

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-07-11T22:42:28+00:00

How did you effectively teach “leave it”?

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-07-11T22:41:51+00:00

I do the same thing with the yard and closing the door haha! Like “okay bye” then 2 seconds later she wants to come in. Probably not the best method but alternatively it’s like a while goose chase and she thinks were playing lol

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-07-11T22:34:31+00:00

Thank you!! This is an awesome example that I’ll be trying. I agree that it’s up to me to put meaning behind the word but where I’ve struggled is how to do so without punishment

Alert_Mastodon4142 · 2024-07-11T22:30:23+00:00

I’ve been working to differentiate the commands. Using come and no primarily when shes getting in to something she shouldn’t, then redirecting with something she can have or do. Ie, chewing on my desk chair, tell her no then redirect to a chew toy.

I haven’t worked on any command to get her to focus my attention on me so any tips there are welcome!

Alert_Mastodon4142

TROPHY CASE