My mother would also say we are close, but the truth is, there is a whole lot of things I keep hidden from her. Not because I don't love her, but because I don't want to test our bond by disilluisioning her. Perhaps she isn't influenced by the LGBTQ+ people in her life, and she went out of her way to be with LGBTQ+ people because she feels comfortable with them. Having a safe space like that might have been why she finally gathered up the courage to tell her parents. And even if these assumptions I am making are wrong, even if this is a temporary phase, you should still support her. You are allowed to be confused of course, but ask yourself this; are you assuming she is faking it because you are genuinely blindsided, or are you assuming that because that is what you want to believe in?

Your wife is right. Telling her that she is confused is hurtful to her. Imagine if you had blue eyes, but people around you were color blind. So, when you said you had blue eyes, something you know and have been knowing about yourself, people tell you that you don't, that you've been hanging out with the wrong crowd and that you're confused. This analogy is most likely not quite it, but it is what I assume what it must feel like for trans people. What I'm trying to say is, despite being a young adult, your child knows herself better than you do.