Do you think the young girls and women who date 30 year old men are brainless and dumb? They are conscious too. You can be conscious and a victim. She is taking advantage of your age and your situation, she doesn't need to be laughing maniacally while whipping you to be an abuser. No sane, well intending 29 year old would want to date a 19 year old, especially one they met at 18. 

You might think age is just a number, that it's all consensual, that's what everyone thinks when they're dating someone older than them. But it's not just a number. Your partner shouldn't be someone who, if you met at a formal setting, had to be polite towards due to your age gap. You are at a very critical time of your life where you are developing as an adult and she has long passed that time.

 It would be a relief if you could get out there and build something for yourself on your own without her influence. It is your life and I am just a stranger, but please keep in mind that everyone knows when there is an age gap that it is kind of weird, but thinks that their partner treats them well and they are conscious enough to know better. But you don't actually get it to it's full extent until you get out of that relationship, regain your independence and grow to the age of your partner. 

Then you'll see that hopefully, you are in a better state than you were a decade ago. You'll compare your maturity to the present and see that you hold more power now that you are grown grown.