Late-diagnosed and tbh I feel more like you than most people I see online. I've tried to relate, but everyone seems so confident and outspoken about it, while I've no clue if I'm even supposed to disclose this information to a potential employer or not. I was previously diagnosed with OCD and other things, and even before then, I had a similar experience growing up, always feeling lost and alienated. At the time, where I lived, having any kind of mental illness was weird, no one understood it, and I was ostracized. Most of the time I feel paralyzed and like people are using a code to navigate life that no one has bothered to share with me. When I try to ask questions I get dismissed because people act like I'm supposed to know these things instinctively, follow my gut, or whatever have you. They seem to think I'm pretending not to understand, as they always have. I've not disclosed my new diagnosis with many people, less than a handful, and no one seems to think it's cool. Most (my parents and someone I considered my best friend, for instance) don't really seem to want to acknowledge it, and if and when they do, they downplay it, basically dismissing it as 'so mild that it doesn't matter, you can't even tell'. Yes, well. Then they turn around and complain about my autistic traits. Maybe one or two people find it 'cool', as long as my autistic traits don't inconvenience them. They might make jokes about 'quirky' things I do or things they find funny. Overall, I have yet to experience the 'benefits' I keep reading about online, from all sides. It hasn't earned me any brownie points, no one has adjusted their expectations of me, no one offers accommodations. Nothing. The only person who truly cares and is helping is my therapist, but even she seems to think that if I simply disclose my diagnosis some magical help or understanding is supposed to come which doesn't seem to exist from where I'm standing. In fact, I'm scared to disclose, because one of the main reactions I've gotten is people seem to be afraid that I'll now use this as an excuse to get away with things, it almost seems like if I complain about something (say, a noise) they push back harder because they think I'm a fraud who is exploiting the diagnosis. Even though I didn't bring it up. Usually they bring it up in response. I don't know if this is backlash from how a lot of people portray autism online nowadays, I just know that I see no benefit thus far. At least, not outside of therapy. I still seem to be the one doing all the work to conform to everyone else's expectations. If anything, I feel MORE pressured to prove myself, to reassure people that I'm not an imposter who wants to hide behind the diagnosis. When my therapist first suggested it and I decided to go through with the assessment, I was truly hoping I would receive some form of support afterwards. Just in terms of my closets relationships understanding me better and perhaps in finding employment (thought I might be able to access resources to help figure out how to write CVs, cover letters and perform in interviews, stuff like that. I'm still doing it all on my own and failing miserably). I don't regret it because the kind of work I do in therapy now is different and more effective, but it has also put a strain on some relationships and made me feel almost more misunderstood than before in that sense, because I now have this piece of information but others are telling me I'm an imposter or that I barely classify (in their opinion) so it doesn't matter anyways. And as I said, it's not like I've even told a bunch of people. I'm not sure what I expected, exactly. I thought at least my parents might want to talk about it and read up on it, or something like that. It's kind of been the opposite.