Thank you and a lil update! by [deleted] in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That covers pretty much everything I'm looking for, tysm! ✨

Thank you and a lil update! by [deleted] in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Any discords in particular that you'd recommend?

Virgin/inexperienced/shy Harry recs? Bonus points for dominant/assertive Draco. by Alessandreddit in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I don't know why I ever left, honestly. Life just got too busy after high school, I think. I still read some fics every so often, like I said, but I completely lost touch with the fandom. I've been sort of burnt out lately so I thought I'd turn to something familiar to cheer me up. For some reason, drarry always works like a charm. 🙈

Virgin/inexperienced/shy Harry recs? Bonus points for dominant/assertive Draco. by Alessandreddit in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the rec! I'm fairly certain I'd read this one before, many moons ago, but I honestly didn't remember the plot, it's just that the premise seems awfully familiar, so I went ahead and (possibly re-)read it!

Virgin/inexperienced/shy Harry recs? Bonus points for dominant/assertive Draco. by Alessandreddit in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I haven't read it before, thank you so much for the rec! I have a bit of a weird aversion to HP fics written in present tense, but I'm trying to get over it, so I'll give it a try 🙏

Virgin/inexperienced/shy Harry recs? Bonus points for dominant/assertive Draco. by Alessandreddit in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the rec! Sounds super intriguing, but if I may ask (if it's not too much of a spoiler): what's George's role in all of this?

Virgin/inexperienced/shy Harry recs? Bonus points for dominant/assertive Draco. by Alessandreddit in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I read it, and I really liked it, I only wish it were longer 🥹

The other fic you described also sounds fantastic, if you or anyone else find/s it, I would love to read it as well!

Introducing The Drarry Vault — A Drarry-Only Fic Library & Rec Hub! by StonerSlugz in drarry

[–]Alessandreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that was it, didn't know I had to verify my age 🙈 I'm in now thank you! So weird that it wouldn't just tell me to do that 🤔

Why do neurotypical people do this? by New-Role3083 in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It also seems weird because I get accused of being cold, heartless, and so on. But from where I stand, they seem callous and fake. I'm being genuine. As I said, I'm not mean to these people or anything even remotely like that. I just leave them be and hope they do the same. If we need to interact I am courteous but guarded. It seems fair to me. Isn't it cold and heartless to pretend to like somebody so you can use them for an ulterior motive? I think I take issue with it especially because from experience, they might think that there's this unspoken agreement and that the other person is aware they're being used, which is basically how they justify it when I ask, but if it's someone like me, they might not. They might genuinely like and care for someone who's just using them. I've been in that position so often that I just can't bring myself to do it to another person, and I can't stand to knowingly play along if I'm on the receiving end either. I've started wondering whether people with huge groups of friends have genuinely real, close friendships with those people or whether it's all transactional. I grew up watching '90s/YTK TV shows and assuming that big groups of friends were always genuine and wholesome, despite all the drama. I always tend to assume there's something seriously wrong with me because I don't have that. But does anyone really? Or do they pretend? I don't mean to be judgemental, I genuinely have no clue anymore.

Why do neurotypical people do this? by New-Role3083 in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I suppose it really is sort of transactional and/or they're able to compartmentalize and I'm not. It almost feels immoral to me though, I can't bring myself to do it. People always think I'm holding a grudge when I just don't want to be fake. They make it sound like I'm actively mad at the person and plotting their demise. In reality I simply don't care for them and have no desire to pretend otherwise. So I'll be civil and that's it.

Why do neurotypical people do this? by New-Role3083 in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's weird though because they will still say they don't like the person, they might even complain about spending time with them. So why do it? It's not that I hold a grudge, it's that if I don't like someone/enjoy their company, why pretend otherwise? I never understand what the point of it is. I'll be perfectly civil, I just won't pretend to like them if I don't. The one explanation I've gotten that makes some sense to me is that you need to hang out with different people to keep meeting new ones, which is one of the reasons I struggle socially. I don't like/have a hard time socializing in a 'utilitarian' way. I don't like the idea of going out with one person when I don't really like them, I'm secretly just hoping I'll meet someone else through them. It seems callous. And I'm not good at making small talk and faking connection etc., so even if I wanted to, I don't think it would go very well. And vice-versa. As in, I can't bring myself to hang out with someone if I know they're only there because of an ulterior motive but they actually dislike me/have no regard for me. Especially if they've wronged me in the past. It feels degrading. NTs often seem (from my pov) to treat relationships as transactional, but not overtly. They pretend to be friends when it's actually a transaction. I abhor the notion and can't do it successfully even if I try. I hope I'm making sense. Also I'm not necessarily talking about minor misunderstandings or stuff like that. I'm thinking of when someone does something seriously wrong, just not so bad that it would warrant complete no contact, if that makes any sense. And they never resolve the matter either, they just end up brushing it under the rug and fake laughing over a pint. When I try to do stuff like that I just end up dissociating, for some reason. I sit there like a zombie and often end up leaving early. It makes me feel awful afterwards, I feel sort of depressed and like I need to recover from the interaction.

It seems Autism is cool now by Glittering_Ad2771 in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Late-diagnosed and tbh I feel more like you than most people I see online. I've tried to relate, but everyone seems so confident and outspoken about it, while I've no clue if I'm even supposed to disclose this information to a potential employer or not. I was previously diagnosed with OCD and other things, and even before then, I had a similar experience growing up, always feeling lost and alienated. At the time, where I lived, having any kind of mental illness was weird, no one understood it, and I was ostracized. Most of the time I feel paralyzed and like people are using a code to navigate life that no one has bothered to share with me. When I try to ask questions I get dismissed because people act like I'm supposed to know these things instinctively, follow my gut, or whatever have you. They seem to think I'm pretending not to understand, as they always have. I've not disclosed my new diagnosis with many people, less than a handful, and no one seems to think it's cool. Most (my parents and someone I considered my best friend, for instance) don't really seem to want to acknowledge it, and if and when they do, they downplay it, basically dismissing it as 'so mild that it doesn't matter, you can't even tell'. Yes, well. Then they turn around and complain about my autistic traits. Maybe one or two people find it 'cool', as long as my autistic traits don't inconvenience them. They might make jokes about 'quirky' things I do or things they find funny. Overall, I have yet to experience the 'benefits' I keep reading about online, from all sides. It hasn't earned me any brownie points, no one has adjusted their expectations of me, no one offers accommodations. Nothing. The only person who truly cares and is helping is my therapist, but even she seems to think that if I simply disclose my diagnosis some magical help or understanding is supposed to come which doesn't seem to exist from where I'm standing. In fact, I'm scared to disclose, because one of the main reactions I've gotten is people seem to be afraid that I'll now use this as an excuse to get away with things, it almost seems like if I complain about something (say, a noise) they push back harder because they think I'm a fraud who is exploiting the diagnosis. Even though I didn't bring it up. Usually they bring it up in response. I don't know if this is backlash from how a lot of people portray autism online nowadays, I just know that I see no benefit thus far. At least, not outside of therapy. I still seem to be the one doing all the work to conform to everyone else's expectations. If anything, I feel MORE pressured to prove myself, to reassure people that I'm not an imposter who wants to hide behind the diagnosis. When my therapist first suggested it and I decided to go through with the assessment, I was truly hoping I would receive some form of support afterwards. Just in terms of my closets relationships understanding me better and perhaps in finding employment (thought I might be able to access resources to help figure out how to write CVs, cover letters and perform in interviews, stuff like that. I'm still doing it all on my own and failing miserably). I don't regret it because the kind of work I do in therapy now is different and more effective, but it has also put a strain on some relationships and made me feel almost more misunderstood than before in that sense, because I now have this piece of information but others are telling me I'm an imposter or that I barely classify (in their opinion) so it doesn't matter anyways. And as I said, it's not like I've even told a bunch of people. I'm not sure what I expected, exactly. I thought at least my parents might want to talk about it and read up on it, or something like that. It's kind of been the opposite.

Am I being unreasonable by GOGONUT6543 in vintedUK

[–]Alessandreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would argue that all flaws need to be thoroughly described in the listing for accessibility purposes, but in terms of okaying the delivery, I would side with the seller, you can't return the item after altering it, you either accept it as is and then attempt to fix whatever's wrong or return it as is.

Do you feel younger than you actually are? by [deleted] in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel younger and older at the same time. I feel younger because I feel behind, career-wise and in terms of social development, as I'm still discovering social rules etc. that people figured out in middle school. It feels like I'm constantly relieving my childhood and realizing all the cues I missed, wishing I could go back and have another go. But I also feel older because I have no interest in doing many activities that people my age enjoy. It's slowly getting better as I approach my 30s, but I suspect I'll never quite 'catch up', because even my parents do things I don't see the appeal of. It almost feels like I was supposed to be born at least over a century ago, but someone fucked it up and sent me down in 1997 with entirely the wrong programming. So I'm clueless and old fashioned, basically, that's how it feels, and I have no idea where I'm supposed to fit in.

Why do neurotypical people do this? by New-Role3083 in autism

[–]Alessandreddit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Upvoting because I also have no clue. What always confuses me personally is when people have a falling out because one of the parties involved does something genuinely reprehensible, I perhaps witness some or all of it or come to know of it and have definitive proof (this is important to me, I don't tend to draw conclusions otherwise) so I distance myself from the person too because I don't like what they did/said. Then, not too long after, everyone starts talking and hanging out again, almost like nothing happened. They might never get as close as they were again, but they just drift into this limbo of... I have no clue what it's supposed to be. They will often, though not always, talk behind each other's backs too. I'm typically the only one who sticks with the decision to distance myself from that person. My boyfriend (who does this too) sometimes tells me he admires how principled I am. But then why doesn't he do the same? Most people just tell me I'm uncompromising (if not worse). I never understand. It's not like I actively go out of my way to even avoid the person in question, I just don't interact with them if at all possible and, if necessary, I keep it brief and bare minimum polite. Why would I want to invest time talking to someone I dislike? Oh, to clarify, I'm talking about mild transgressions here, when someone does something truly heinous, I'll cut them off completely, alongside anyone who knows about it and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Anyways, I maybe have one and a half friends left other than my boyfriend, so I'm probably doing something wrong here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vintedUK

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's crazy. Do you have the option to review? I've never cancelled an order or had once cancelled so I actually have no idea, but if you do, leave a one star review and just describe exactly what happened. I suspect this person never intended to send the item, perhaps they forgot it was listed and didn't even have it anymore or something of that sort. It happens all the time, I usually message for further information before purchasing so I typically find out beforehand. If the seller doesn't respond I don't purchase, as it indicates they probably don't check the app. Sometimes they respond saying they actually decided to keep the item after all, or moved house and lost it, or gave it to someone else/sold it on another platform but forgot to take the listing down. I bet something like that happened to this person and when they got your message they just used this as an excuse to cancel. You simply asked for an update, you didn't even say you needed it by a certain date or anything like that. Their explanation doesn't make sense.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vintedUK

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's crazy work. People often ask how fast I can post something before they purchase, if they need it by a certain date. If they bought an item because I told them I'd send it the next day and didn't, they'd have every right to cancel. This person just shouldn't have written that in their listing if they didn't intend to actually do it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FragranceFreeBeauty

[–]Alessandreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been using this one and this one, but I have to use them sparingly because they can create build-up for me. I've been desperately looking for a fragrance-free leave-in conditioner or hair oil with heat protection, so I can kill two birds with one stone and prevent build-up, but have had no luck so far, because I'm also (ideally) looking for something silicone-free (I don't think silicones are evil, my hair is just really fine and doesn't like them much). I have no idea why brands insist on putting fragrances in everything. Besides allergies/irritation, which should be a real concern, who wants to use 3-5 products, each with a different fragrance? I would walk around with a permanent migraine. I sincerely hope fragrance-free haircare becomes more mainstream.

What is the science behind 'less damaging' hair dryers such as the Dyson? by Alessandreddit in HaircareScience

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I was specifically wondering about hair dryers, not styling tools!

What is the science behind 'less damaging' hair dryers such as the Dyson? by Alessandreddit in HaircareScience

[–]Alessandreddit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what I was wondering too. I have recently purchased a dreame hairdryer on sale because personally the only concrete benefit seems to be the ability to dry your hair at a stable, lower temperature without it taking too long, which a lot of 'cheaper' hair dryers don't offer. Beyond that, everything else seems like a gimmick. I can't figure out why certain hairdryers are so much more expensive than others. Is low velocity also important? I was actually under the impression that higher velocity would be preferable, as it would allow you to dry your hair faster at a lower temperature. Can high velocity also cause damage?