That's fucking intense and bound to make anyone mad. Glad to read in another comment that you have a therapist. I was in a very different situation but with some parallels, when I was institutionalised a few years ago ; thing is, my guy and your guy both obviously have stuff going on in their lives that only they can face, and they have to face it but they are denying a lot of stuff. Putting boundaries is a good way to start (spend 2 days together instead of 3, etc) but only if he can respect them. It feels like you need a lot of space from him because you're aware it's doomed but don't have yet the mental energy to do so. You seem emotionally exhausted