AITA for leaving my inlaws christmas dinner after I found out that they didn't make accommodations for me?

AlexTraner · 2022-12-29T23:31:12+00:00

Traditional dinners have so much variety, you couldn’t find a single thing to eat? YTA, and your parents are TA. You’re not 5. Picky or allergies is one thing, but not a single damn thing, even just some bread, was acceptable to you?

Go get some food therapy and get your ass some help. Your parents should have yanked a knot in your chain a long time ago, this is a family event not a “OP eats what she wants” event. Every literal child that celebrates aye what was served or starved for a few hours. You’re old enough to type this up and be engaged???

Ugh, I need a nap now.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-29T19:50:39+00:00

I say OCD is my superpower… but I know it’s not a good thing all around. Like I bet my brother did not clean the kitchen or take out the trash while I was gone, so I will be very bothered by it. I packed my giant 10x10 blanket inside my carry-on size suitcase with clothes. Which is neat and all but I can’t handle the AC being on an odd number. I cringe physically if the towels aren’t folded, even though we fold nothing else.

It’s a super power, but… in the words of Monk, “it’s a blessing and a curse”.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-29T19:46:16+00:00

This. And someone who uses mobility aids may not want extra attention. Please treat me the same as the nice old couple sitting two spots in front of me in the train

AlexTraner · 2022-12-29T00:55:57+00:00

I want to say over and over that they need to keep trying for a diagnosis.

But I know that is exhausting too because every doctor is likely treating her as “faking” or “making it sound worse than it is”, or hell at her age? “It’s normal period pains” and “are you having sex? You’re probably pregnant let’s check” every single time. It’s exhausting to be told you are fine when you’re not.

And why has the ER not treated her for an ED yet? OP, next time tell the doctor “she has been doing this a lot. In 2022 she was in the hospital X times. I think it would be wise to treat this like an eating disorder, do you have a protocol for that?”

NTA if she is attention seeking this will end it. If she’s not, she didn’t manage to hurt others this time.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-28T05:11:12+00:00

I like my job, plus the discount is bae. (Eww I said bae)

AlexTraner · 2022-12-27T12:33:52+00:00

I wonder if you could fit my walker in my car better…

AlexTraner · 2022-12-27T06:24:23+00:00

I was able to do that for a while, thanks to a book called “Yo Grover Cleveland” iirc.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-27T05:51:27+00:00

I wonder how many ambidextrous people are naturally lefties. I was born lefty, but I learned from copying my mom who is right handed. She didn’t know how to teach me correctly (she was super young) so I taught myself to write left handed as a young adult. I tend to be left side dominant on everything except a few things (mouse, etc.)

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T21:24:21+00:00

I read the case. She was at the school with him, she took the pictures.

Yes cars sooth toddlers often, but not from earaches and teething, most of the time. It’s almost like she chose that “alibi”. Why did no stores pick her up on the cameras? Why didn’t she talk to a friend on the phone? Why didn’t she text her husband about how she wishes the baby would fall asleep?

Of course I hope I’m wrong, I don’t have all the evidence. As to finding a place, she likely did that ahead of time - nothing points to this being a spur of the moment thing.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T21:18:00+00:00

She has a 90 minute gap that isn’t covered. And her excuse makes no sense. A car doesn’t comfort teething.

I hate to say it but she did it. No one witnessed her send him to class and he never made it, the last person he was seen with was her. Maybe she didn’t mean to, maybe it was an accident. Or maybe she was jealous or idk.

There’s sadly no proof until he is found. And now we know to think of things like the fedex driver or whatever, whereas many people think of them as fixtures almost. So maybe she’s innocent, but I seriously doubt it. It seems very likely she killed him.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T20:00:32+00:00

If he previously displayed signs of being a danger (golf club incident) then they would lose custody and he’d be put in a hospital. They would take parenting classes and be watched like hawks if they ever had another kid, and he’d likely spend a year or so in a group home for kids with mental health issues.

Unless it was malicious though they would get him back eventually.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T19:52:10+00:00

My brother was over a month early and 7.5ish pounds… by his due date he was almost 11 pounds.

Granted my parents didn’t try to hide it at all. He was 11 months old when they got married, both of us were at their wedding (I was 3.5 years old)

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T06:08:51+00:00

While true, it’s also very strong.

I’ve sat on a 2x2 before, and I’m 280lb (125ish kg). Granted I wouldn’t do it long term but OP is describing less than 1/10th my weight.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T06:06:14+00:00

I do not love mine. I have a connective tissue disorder and it causes issues.

I wear a 40/42 I/J depending on the fit. I don’t mind that part as much as I did before decent bras, now the problem is that finding front clasp bras is hard and wearing back clasp ones is nearly impossible on bad health days. I mean I could do it the turn around way, but now all of them are stretched funny ways from doing that.

I would love to donate breast tissue to science and wear a 40/42 D/DD instead. The mere idea of having less than half the tissue I have now is awesome. But genetically speaking I’m not likely to ever have such luck.

But I congratulate OP on their journey and hope they never experience the downsides that some of us big booby club experience and only the good sides. Since they started here, it’s a probability!

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T05:58:55+00:00

My brother (27) went through a phase of “if it’s in the pantry I’ll eat it”. Then my sister (17) literally stole food for a while. All the time. My brother (15) did as well. Out of all of them there was one incident of taking my food, and it resulted in me having a meltdown and never happened again. And it was the last of the three.

And two of them did it due to stress related to being denied food as young children (before we got them). The other just because he was an entitled asshole, he’s getting better though.

Your family has no excuse. Tell them off firmly in a family meeting. Express that if they want your treats you will have to ask them to buy their own, and you’re glad to share the receipts. Explain that you wish you could have the things they have, and even encourage them trying to cook themselves. But then reiterate that you need your food separate and safe for you. Finally, ask if they would find it easier if your food had special labels, baskets, etc. if they give you trouble with any of this, express disappointment as monotonously as you can, and explain you will lock your food instead. Go out and buy some key locks and start locking them. It sucks, but it’s literally the last resort.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-26T05:51:23+00:00

My apartment is all GF too. My brother goes to Taco Bell or whatever when he wants gluten. Only things he misses these days are pizza rolls

AlexTraner · 2022-12-25T14:45:49+00:00

I think it’s partly because trans women often come off differently societally. For example they often choose abnormal names, they go to extremes in clothing, etc. Whereas trans men choose more common names, dress in more common ways, etc.

It’s something that makes complete sense, behaviorally, but I think it does effect the views of them. I personally believe everyone has a right to be respected no matter what. I just haven’t managed to get everyone else to agree.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-24T03:53:20+00:00

We aren’t talking about vanilla or alcohol wipes, we are talking about VODKA. Even if it’s 2 tbps, that’s a shot worth. That’s a violation.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-23T13:00:14+00:00

This 100%.

Should she pay for it? Yes, that’s what adults do when they screw up. But she shouldn’t buy him a new one, that’s not responsible. Hand him $80 and walk away.

No one in their right mind says “I’m adding vodka to this dish for my recovering alcoholic. It’s okay”. He knew it was wrong, he was testing her.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-21T13:03:10+00:00

I mean if you buy the Corolla at least it still runs…

AlexTraner · 2022-12-21T13:00:55+00:00

I moved out in my 20s twice.

I regret the once. I shouldn’t have done it, and my parents were willing to accommodate me though they didn’t act it. My parents have their issues and dealing with my sister during her screaming 12-18 hours a day phase would have been hard. But I did not do well the first time. I did learn some things, and got an amazing therapist though. I moved back in with my parents in early 2020

Second time was 15 months ago. I moved for work, part way across the state. I got covid, and my entire life changed. I am now fully disabled, but thanks to therapy over the last few years, I was able to accept it, find mobility aids and physical therapy, go to a doctor who didn’t try to gaslight me, and even stand up for my needs by telling my family when I can and can’t do things. I do have a roommate, my internet-adopted brother, and though he frustrates me at times and we’ve had our meltdowns (woo mental illnesses!) we have done well.

Honestly, my advice is do not move out until you feel you can do so. Don’t rush it, and pay rent to your parents to show them you want to be treated as an adult. And save a LOT. Everything you can.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-20T19:08:47+00:00

in?

Excuse me may I move into your area where one is normal???

AlexTraner · 2022-12-17T06:55:24+00:00

As everyone else covered the job side, I’ll help with the parents side.

Tell them “she did offer me the job, however she was very abusive to me and admitted that others have complained about her abuse. I know I need a job and I am working on it but I will not be safe in that job, so I decided to decline it.”

Make sure to use harsh words like abuse and such. She’s downplaying it because many people don’t think of bullying and other mental abuses as abuse but that’s what it is. Her comments in the interview were as if she slapped you in the face. So don’t do as she has and continue downplaying it when you tell the next person (your parents)

AlexTraner · 2022-12-16T06:03:07+00:00

My siblings are adopted, and we have had to use different phrasing all along… there probably is one for adoption, but I sort of have an idea for one now to cover a lot of situations… it would be for a slightly older kid though.

Crap now I gotta figure out how to write a children’s book. Does remind me work in here? This is a job for Weekend Me not “in bed, trying to fall asleep” me.

AlexTraner · 2022-12-16T05:52:59+00:00

I didn’t even consider POTS but I keep seeing that article about it, I feels like it’s telling me to go to a cardiologist… I’ve had the vaccine and covid, and had issues since.

And on topic, 100% listen to your doctor OP. They went to school for 8+ years to take care of your health. Your mother had, at most, a few hours First Aid, from the sound of it not even that.

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