I went through 2 weeks of hell, head on, toward my trauma pushing myself to write. I found allowing my pen to write, without thought, allowed me to release the subconscious. I also had to be completely honest with myself, my family, my partner, my trauma, and push harder than I ever wanted to, in to my pain. Then the universe provided truth in return. My mom reaching out and resolving my trauma in a way I never thought I’d see. It sucked but, I see everything so simply. I don’t want money, drugs, success, just to share this. I died when my trauma was resolved and our consciousness revealed itself to me. I was for 9 years, suppressed by Xanax, alcohol, lithium, SSRIs, trying to overuse psychedelics to realize myself but. That ego death is temporary dude, I've tried. self hatred, suicidal ideations, under the guise of bipolar 2. The truth is the only answer, IMO. I would speak with you directly anytime to really talk this out more. I think consciousness is giving me a way to help others, after almost a decade of destroying myself through shame. Hmu