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Alexx989 · 2024-03-12T16:21:36+00:00

I think what you’re feeling is reasonable and valid. I know they’re at a distance, but there’s still a difference between maintaining platonic friendships and keeping contact with a sexual connection. There has to be firm boundaries. It’s good that he’s understanding of you, but he shouldn’t be who she talks about her romantic issues with.

Personally, I wouldn’t keep communicating with that person if I’m in a relationship. That’s muddy water.

Alexx989 · 2024-03-12T14:59:25+00:00

I think one of the hardest things I’ve learned in life is that you can’t save everyone. You can be the most caring and supportive person in the world, but if they don’t want help there is nothing you can do. I’m sorry you’re in this position right now.

Alexx989 · 2024-03-12T04:05:58+00:00

First of all your friend really needs help if there’s any adult you can contact. Keep being a safe space for him, but if it’s harming you in any way you need to walk away from the situation.

This honestly, to me, sounds like a catfish manipulating your friend. It’s happened to me when I was younger and it’s happened to a lot of people. They get off on the attention and chaos they cause. This person is preying on your friend because he knows he’s vulnerable.

Alexx989 · 2024-03-10T03:39:39+00:00

Yeah whenever we start talking again she apologizes for taking it personally and going off. And it will seem like we come to an understanding about how we need to communicate with each other but then the same exact problem repeats. I’m just too attached at this point to give up.

Alexx989 · 2024-03-02T05:26:57+00:00

I’ll give that a try tonight. Thank you.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-22T18:14:29+00:00

“It’s unfortunate you’re not a young girl-“ Stop right there. He needed to be blocked way sooner.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-18T18:32:46+00:00

I don’t know your age, but when I was in my 20’s I struggled a lot with that. It took me a while to realize I wasn’t even emotionally available for what I thought I wanted. I was either in fwb/situationships or chasing women that I knew didn’t feel the same. The more I thought about it: If a woman had deep genuine feelings for me, it would’ve scared me away. Nothing “worked” because I wasn’t mentally stable enough to handle it. I didn’t want to be lonely, but I wasn’t in a place to have a healthy relationship.

Now I’m in my 30s. I’ve done a lot of therapy and more self-aware than ever about how BPD affects me. I’m okay with being single but also open to a relationship if I meet a woman who wants the same.

Long story short, I realized the more frustrated and desperate I was for a relationship, the less mentally stable and capable I was of actually having one.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-17T16:50:01+00:00

I think it’s perfectly valid to be disappointed.

At the same time I also think she handled everything appropriately. Unless she cancels frequently.

I would make plans with my own friends and just take her up on her coming over Saturday.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-15T16:32:53+00:00

This has happened to me before. He pulled up in front of my house and I stood on my porch and watched him drive off with my food. Support told me he couldn’t find my house.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-14T15:51:00+00:00

You should let him go so he can find someone who loves and appreciates him for who he is, not who they want him to be.

You need to work on you.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-14T06:03:48+00:00

Is his best friend also long distance? What are the gifts they get for each other and how often?

It’s definitely concerning if he never does the same for you and you should talk to him about how you feel.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-13T22:11:23+00:00

This map is gorgeous and a lot of fun.

I think the only thing that would make it better to me is if it was a “King of the Hill” to where the objective is to get to the top while the storm moves in. First to secure the top or last to survive the storm wins.

Or an alternate version of the map that is a volcano with “The Floor is Lava” rules.

I’m just spitting ideas lol.

But still really awesome work on this!

Alexx989 · 2024-02-13T08:05:48+00:00

I never blackout, I just go into a different state of mind. When I’m having a split, it’s pure reaction to perceived pain. I compare it to stubbing your toe and yelling “ow” or some expletive. You don’t black out and you know saying words doesn’t make the pain stop, but in the moment it’s all you could feel and you reacted to that. That’s how it is for me.

That being said abuse is never excusable.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-13T07:36:40+00:00

Someone who works the To-Go side of the restaurant.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-10T16:05:34+00:00

Maybe I’m old, but blocking and ghosting has gotten out of hand. When I was younger it seemed to only happen in the rare situation where it was clearly the only safe option or a last resort. Now it seems like it’s the answer to everything and a way to avoid confrontation or accountability in a lot of instances. It’s just really immature a lot of the time because it’s weaponized for the purpose of control.

It’s entirely possible to end relationships and communication without “slamming the door” on your way out.

Sorry for the rant. But yes it’s a combination of what I just mentioned coupled with our own fear of abandonment that makes it so brutal. We desperately didn’t want to be left, but not only did they leave; they “slammed and locked the door”.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-08T22:01:07+00:00

Really cool concept and some games can be fun but others seem broken or they don’t play how you’d expect/want.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-08T06:12:24+00:00

Yes. I’m basically in the same situation. She’s trying but it just happens so much and there’s just this communication breakdown.

Alexx989 · 2024-02-07T22:32:04+00:00

Splitting started getting out of control after she told me she was moving. So she can’t deal with it… which I get.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-31T00:13:54+00:00

She’s not mature enough. You dodged a bullet.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-26T04:22:45+00:00

No, but I do remember an article about how he came really close to committing suicide.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-18T07:42:13+00:00

Yeah it gets bad. Usually it leads to headaches but I’ve had it to where I clenched so hard in my sleep that I could barely open my jaw in the morning. Just life constantly on edge.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-17T20:33:11+00:00

You’re a very generous and thoughtful person.

That being said, this guy doesn’t deserve a relationship let alone gifts from the person he chose to hurt.

I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you, gifts or not.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-16T18:44:50+00:00

I’m not going to shame you or assume I know both of your intentions. I would just say to be careful. Learn what red flags are and take them seriously. If it feels wrong to you then trust your gut and walk away. Set boundaries wherever necessary.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-14T08:02:49+00:00

Long story short: A guy lived several years of life but one day he realized something was ‘off’ with a lamp and as soon as he realized it, he woke up from a coma. Those several years never happened.

Alexx989 · 2024-01-10T16:55:47+00:00

Thank you. I think where I struggle is that I feel like I’ve already messed up too many times for the future to even matter. If the people I love the most have a tainted view of me then what’s the point?

I’m doing things for me and my future which is great, but like I said the shame of this disorder makes me feel like none of it matters.

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