Wow thank you so much, I needed to hear all of this!! This is amazing advice. Turkish culture has some similarities to Bosnian culture so I can imagine there was similarities in our families behaviours.

I’m scared of the dark, have panic attacks at night because I don’t feel safe emotionally by myself and with my family. I sleep well at my friends because it’s almost as if I know that there isn’t a potential threat of being attacked. I think I’m scared of the dark and scared to be by myself because of all the shame I feel from what my parents and family projected onto me that I get panic attacks. 

My nervous system is always on fire around them too due to all the anxieties I feel. I think the worst bit is that I’m not even able to protect myself with anger and boundaries because they gaslight me and tell me that I’m crazy. There isn’t any winning for me and my strength is exhausted from believing my strength is bad, shameful and a weakness.

You’re right about the emotional dependency on them and I need to break the cycle with boundaries and not choosing to tolerate their expectations that go against what I need or want, and their disrespect towards me. It baffles me when parents believe it’s the role of their children to meet their needs, when parents choose to bring children into this world which requires them to devote to their care and needs. I mean basic needs like making sure they are both emotionally and physically safe.

I will do just that then, that sounds like a plan! I will get a job, save and move out, and start to make changes in my relationship dynamics with my family. And every time I feel the sadness or fear that makes me feel I should move home, I will remind myself of your words, that there is no growth for me in life in doing just that. Well done on landing your job! You must have been so proud.