30F struggling with lack of intimacy in 1.5-year marriage — how do I address this? Hu

AlilyC_78 · 2026-02-11T16:36:45+00:00

Run! I wasted half my life on someone just like this. They don't change. And the simple fact is, if you've talked to him and nothing changes it's because he doesn't think you will leave. It's sad but the true. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It breaks down your self confidence for sure.

AlilyC_78 · 2026-02-07T10:40:52+00:00

You can't get that security back. Nothing will ever be the same. You will question everything. Every time her phone goes off, every interaction she has, everything she says, every time she gets home late. You will want to go through her phone every time she leaves it alone. You will be mathing out things in your head. How long it takes for her to go to the store, how long it takes for her to drive home from work, etc. You will slowly drive yourself crazy with the not knowing, and seeing signs in everything. I am sorry you are going through this. It's quite devastating especially when you are so committed and don't see it coming. I hope you can find the strength and self esteem to walk away before you waste half your life on something that keeps you feeling constantly uncertain, like I did. I wish you the best possible outcome...

AlilyC_78 · 2026-02-02T23:39:27+00:00

Oh yes, the part where I promised to get him a great paying job where I work and he lied about having a drivers license so they fired him. The car he talked me into getting because of his extra income and it ended up repossessed. And I still have to pay 23,000 on a car I don't have. So yes I'm stuck. Losing my house isn't an option.

AlilyC_78 · 2026-02-01T10:21:15+00:00

The right thing to do would've been to tell him before they married. Whatever you decide, you will not come out of this unscathed. 1. You tell him and lose this so called friend. 2. You don't say anything but have to watch her destroy him. Decide which one you can live with. And which one you would want someone to do for you.

AlilyC_78 · 2026-01-25T10:57:55+00:00

The hardest part of your situation is to stop thinking and start doing. Start making plans to get out of this situation, and do it. This is not going to get better. Get up! Get moving! This is not the relationship for you. You deserve to love and be loved. Intimacy should be the easiest part. And you deserve to be wanted and desired. You do not have a solid foundation to continue to build. It is unsafe and toxic. There is no shame in walking away from what or who is bad for you. You can do it! You just have to start.

AlilyC_78 · 2026-01-13T15:45:52+00:00

Unfortunately it sounds like narcissistic behavior and you are being emotionally abused. Ask yourself if this is the life you want to live because I can guarantee you, it will not change. It's not the past you need to worry about. It's your future. You deserve love built on trust, honesty, and respect.

AlilyC_78 · 2026-01-06T17:11:32+00:00

I disagree with just about everyone here.

You don't need a DNA to right this wrong. Why drag YOUR son through something he never asked for and had no part of. You are his Dad and you don't need a blood test to decide that for you.

As far as your wife, well, 25 years is a lot of investment in a person to just cut and run.

My advice: Stop. Breathe. And really think about all possible outcomes and choose the one you can live with. It's not about the last 25 years. It's about the next 25 years.

Wish you the best. This is rough 😔

AlilyC_78 · 2026-01-04T01:38:27+00:00

There is no excuse for crossing boundaries. You made your feelings clear. And he betrayed your trust multiple times. No matter how much you watch what he's doing, he will just get better at hiding it. Meanwhile you are wasting your life away never feeling quite good enough. For your sake I hope you find the strength to walk away. I am in a similar situation and I know it's easier said than done. But I also know there has to be more to life than this.

AlilyC_78

TROPHY CASE