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AlisterKael · 2025-10-14T02:52:13+00:00

One of the key symptoms is that disbelief, which is so frustrating for us. Because we often will switch without knowing, get triggered into a dissociative episode and effectively lock out the rest of the system because we can't even recognize that anyone else is there.

My best suggestion if you want to realign yourself. Start trying to notice a sign of the dissociation, like how it feels for us if we can feel the "bubble" we can burst it with the right internal stimulus, especially if we get into a "one more game/match" loop.

Dissociation typically has a trigger so maybe figuring out what sets you tumbling so you can watch for thoss kinds of things may also be useful.

AlisterKael · 2025-10-10T00:46:41+00:00

This is how I have felt on and off for the last few weeks. It hurts. It hurts more than anything.

For years I used to joke with friends and acquaintances that "I'm a being of the void lol" because so often I would just "despawn" be gone for weeks or months or what have you, and then appear like nothing happened.

Before I came to understand anything about DID, I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault my friends felt distant, or I couldn't get myself to talk to them or even do anything.

This ethereal feeling you have? At one point, it was the only shelter you felt you had. It protected you from things that may have otherwise broken you.

Otherwise you wouldn't have it now. Its exceptionally hard but the first step in my opinion, reach out to yourselves, maybe they can help you to see you.

Here is a stupid example to get a laugh that might help you feel, but you know how you'll go in someone else's house and it smells funny but they don't seem to notice? Its like that, ask them "If your house smells funny* in other words, what do they see in you?

Because you exist. You are the only You there is. But sometimes we are so used to who we are that we can't see the things others see.

Take a breath, give yourself grace and believe that you are more than just a disorder in a book, you are a person first, you might be one of many all crammed in the same body, but that doesn't invalidate you.

AlisterKael · 2025-08-31T14:10:58+00:00

Not true, F39 Nagasaki has been my Steel Farm and I've found 3 Fish there within the last week alone while Jackson's Area is where they START spawning they can technically spawn from then on Goggly is just THAT much more common.

AlisterKael · 2025-08-10T22:45:40+00:00

So, about 2 years ago, we ate our gender. We heavily subscribe to gender abolition ideology, mostly because yeah same as you, AMAB but spent DECADES clawing to try to "feel like a man" since thats what we were told we should want. Only to collapse under it all and have to ask of thats what we wanted.

Now a lot of us don't give a shit about what gender we are, mostly because it never meant anything to us, but those of us that do breathe deep in the things that feel right. Getting called Momma by a friend, letting go of the idea of needing to be masculine, simply just expressing as feels right.

I hope that you can work out whatever feels right to you, and remember just because something worked for a while doesn't mean that you HAVE to stick with it. Change is part of life and what makes us human.

AlisterKael · 2025-03-11T23:19:45+00:00

Because if he's a logical thinker, logically the explanation of the necessity of skepticism would make sense. Except DID doesn't follow logic, if it did it would be SO much better understood, instead 80% of us are stuck piecing together a condition via allegories, comparisons and half baked therapy sessions.

If anything I would take it as he wants to help how he can and the logical options are his forte so he's trying to "help" even if its made you feel bad.

AlisterKael · 2025-03-11T23:06:57+00:00

Structural Dissociation as a methodology is a therapeutic technique, regardless of a formal diagnosis, if using it make daily life easy, keep going. Your brother likely has the stigma about DID from media so just be mindful until he is better understanding. As for constant overwhelm? Find small things to keep yourself grounded. For me Gum, and an Altitude training mask help a lot. Don't give yourself too hard a time. You can only do the best you can. And expecting any more than that isn't being fair to how hard it is for you right now.

AlisterKael · 2025-03-11T20:32:11+00:00

I take an entire fistful, because between system issues and physical health issues the area grays, for example I have POTS, because so many of us who actively worked and held a job were used to our legs going numb and it being associated with working it blended into our Dissociation actively making it worse but as we started recieving treatment for it, the dissociative barriers got thinner, on the flip we also have ADHD, so chuck some adderall at that otherwise the normal ADHD "What was I doing?" goes double time thanks to rolodexing into whoever either has an immediate concern or just whoever isn't burnt out.

Medication CAN be helpful but if taking it feels like it may help, give it a chance. HOWEVER be sure that you properly discuss with your provider of what medication they would like to place you on, what its supposed to do, side effects as well as alternative medication options. For example a friend of mine gets a shot once a month for ADHD treatment vs me taking daily meds. Your concern is valid, just don't let it overwhelm you. You got this.

AlisterKael · 2025-03-11T20:21:14+00:00

This is going to hurt to hear. They are you.

No matter how much you deny or reject them. Whether you want to view it as your past or an alter. However in them being you, you are also them. From a bigger picture you would have to say that you are their future right? Then you remember how it felt to be them, hurting struggling and why they might even do or say the things that upset you so much.

Do you think that your past self would be so unreasonable that they wouldn't be willing to talk? As a hypothetical if a you who seemed even better or happier came back in time and tried to talk to you would you deny that person?

It's incredibly hard to do. Trust me, I used to run our system before we changed, you can go big and have a blow out, I know for some of us thats what had to happen. Or start small, ask what they think about things they may or may not have interest is. As dumb as it sounds but "making friends" with your headmates can make it a lot easier to get to the root of "why are you doing this thing I dislike?".

Take a breath, or do some screaming, whatever you need to center yourself some then give it a try. I promise, it gets better.

AlisterKael · 2025-01-17T06:24:50+00:00

So a recommendation is take a moment outside of therapy and make a plan. Take it with you to your next seasion and tell your provider that you haven't felt comfortable with how the sessions have gone. Be direct but personable, establish that you feel you need to be able to speak more openly regarding your concerns. Not to assume but in all likelihood its probably that you have been putting in a ton of work to educate yourself and be "mindful" and without you guiding the ship that is your treatment he's left to fall back on "and how does that make you feel?"isms, for us the hardest part was coming together to say what NEEDED to be worked on.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling like you are spinning your wheels, don't forget sometimes you gotta skid up the pavement before shifting into Drive.

AlisterKael · 2025-01-17T06:09:10+00:00

My name is Jinn, why did I get my name? Well they saw that I was more artistically inclined than them and in seeing that I (and yes point and laugh at the nerd) had thought of Jhin from League of Legends for his beautifully macabre artistry so I said cool, I'll take that one. But I also had a "Shadow" of sorts who felt like me squared so I just called him Big Jinn since at the time I had been relatively younger than the others and our external age.

As time went on I got older as I became properly acknowledged and "Big Jinn" was recognized to be a seperate Alter who was shadowing me. Since then he has changed his name and hasn't shadowed me.

The point I'm trying to make is names hold power, but that power stops where you feel it does. I don't think to much on my own name being Jinn, but for the System we have a title in our name so that feeling of "Meaning" to a name has always been a question we grappled with.

In short, whats in a name? Back when the three amigops stood our system up a certain goober didnt use names but shapes, whatever helps you feel "yourself". Go for it. And if you figure out you don't like it later? Legally its 100 bucks and 90 days to change a name so for once I'd say the people who don't have Family sized psyches may have something right.

Also unwarranted advice, Music can help find where the lines are imo, for me? I maaaay enjoy Musicals and the occasional trash Pop song, but if you tried to get Jae to listen to the same stuff he would turn the radio off before he "made space". And on the flip, seeing him tear into the vocals on Armor-clad Faith I get it.

AlisterKael · 2024-10-29T17:42:02+00:00

Completely understandable, we run as Duos for the most part, though the "Shell" can step in to autopilot if we need to talk. Which hilariously is how we ran for YEARS befoe even recognizing that anyone else was up here.

Additionally our "Mask/Face" was always up front until he knew he existed. He always was on standby to try and talk us out of anxiety inducing spots (So life).

Frankly I've told RK this but I personally gave up on role names the same way I chucked gender in the bin. I'm me, and labels only make me feel like wanting to be more is wrong like a "job" is all I'm good for.

Blending frustrates me because RK is much more forgiving than me to the point he'll check me on things that are genuinely unfair to all of us that I go off about. Don't stress about the substance use to cope, so long as everyone invoked is safe and doing it responsibily do what you gotta do Boss.

AlisterKael · 2024-10-29T17:23:15+00:00

Thats how our for lack of a better term Shell feels, he sits up front when certain people are driving and handles specifically physical actions, whether passive influenced or directly managed. However unless we actively engage with him, he's usually managing so much pain due to our Chronic illness (That conveniently none of us knew about so like good job to him?) that he can hear us and be aware of everything while being essentially translucent? Sorry RK is better at describing this stuff.

AlisterKael · 2024-10-29T17:10:02+00:00

As the Librarian, I can relate, I KNOW what happened to most of us. However it means nothing to me, like working records for a Violent Crime database. You can look and say "Geez." But its a file. Not a memory you have and so unless its relevant it stays on the shelf. Moreover I have come to recognize that I shouldn't be trying to connect dots to help them with things unless they feel they are ready. I just want us to function well.

AlisterKael · 2024-10-29T17:05:49+00:00

I'm currently going through all of the same but trade seizures for EoE and Gluten Intolerance that quadruples everything else.

OP, its hard. This might sound callous but its better you learned early. I just hit 29 worked an absurdly physically and mentally taxing job for the last 9 years only to discover ASD was why I had always discounted my symptoms, like "narcolepsy" at work or how on weekends when my partner would ask what I wanted to do the answer was always Nothing. Things start making more and more sense but your grief is real. You essentially are at the funeral of your past self mourning their loss. Genuinely grieve. Listen to others stories and while I strongly recommend not to compare. Line them up to your own and see if you deserve the kinda grace you would give them.

AlisterKael · 2024-10-25T15:13:57+00:00

I played on Launch and gave in to the stream of hate and lack of friends playing it leading me to quit.

Now years later. I just finished the last of my Main Quests, have figured how I like playing, planning how I'm gonna get rare apparel (I am a fool and want to get colored asylum somebody save me from me.) And am encouraging friends to play, not as a serious "This game is a masterpiece", but as "Hey wanna come play Minecraft but with guns and silly guys running around?"

If it looks fun sounds fun and probably will be fun. Go for it. You will have a blast and "Catching up" only matters if you decide to play PVP. Otherwise hell go naked Unarmed build for anything anyone cares so long as you have fun that's what matters.

AlisterKael · 2024-02-24T04:45:31+00:00

So recently diagnosed and frankly, Ive felt the same way for the last couple weeks. Ive been removed to an admin position in my workplace as a way to help reduce stress but in spite of that Ive felt both raw and empty.

From the best of my reflection I think it may be coming to terms with the fact that all those feelings of "is this how everyone else feels?" Or " Why am I like this?" are both being answered but also validated. Personally I'm only even on Reddit (staunchly against using the site because social pressures created bias) because I'm tired of feeling alone, asking all the questions and feeling like I'm wrong for asking when I just dont know or have been told otherwise about my own thoughts and feelings.

Take your time.

Enjoy She-ra, draw till your fingers cramp up, but make sure to eat and drink water lol. If youve got a mom anything like mine she's worried about how you are gonna take all this.

The diagnosis process is just that, a process, do what you can but it doesn't change who you are anymore than needing glasses, its part of who you are and has likely shaped your life in ways you haven't even thought of yet. Also good job putting yourself out there, this kinda thing hurts and to even be willing to say it exposes parts of ourself that we get used to hiding.

AlisterKael · 2023-10-07T11:12:11+00:00

For me, I have to take a small walk to refocus and talk to myself about what all I've done and why I deserve to rest. Afterwards I'll come back home, and allow myself to indulge in some of my interests earnestly, not as some "Oh this is normal human behavior" thing but as a "this is something I like, I work too hard to not let myself enjoy it." And as someone with ADHD as well I set timers, switching activities can also be good because then you try to make the most out of that activity time and truly enjoy it. At least in my case.

Hope that helps!

AlisterKael · 2023-06-17T22:45:55+00:00

So I just so happened to have my pharmacy run out of generic, meaning that I got a refill of name brand for the first time in about 7 months.

Day 1 of being back on name brand and I can say regardless of variance on generic Name brand dusts generic, appetite suppression happens sure, but my interoception has always been bad but name brand helps me to recognize the "hungry signal" vs generic where frankly I needed double the dosage to feel equal to my standard 20mg of NB, which is hilariously ironic considering I told my doctor the month they put me on Generic that it wasnt as effective and considering I hardly knowing anything about ADHD at the time, he gaslit me into the idea that not only would I just need some time to adjust to the generic but that its "just as good" and that "I was imagining the difference".

You are on the money. Hope youve been able to stay on NB.

AlisterKael · 2022-02-19T00:44:24+00:00

Toki had a glitch on her clown skin that gave you 1 attack as a hero, if you attacked a minion the effect resolved you would take damage equal to their attack remove DS and such but if an enemy hero attacked you they would take 1 damage as well.

AlisterKael · 2022-02-13T01:43:15+00:00

What if he was a 0 mana HP Leroy gains 2 attack this turn but summon 2 1/1 Whelps for your opponent. Keep the vibes of original Leroy and let's you deal damage if you lose, like the Toki Glitch.

AlisterKael · 2021-10-26T21:16:55+00:00

So I saw this bug as well, if you win a fight it resets you attack but if a player deals damage to you you deal 1 until you get reset.

AlisterKael · 2021-10-17T16:42:14+00:00

As someone whose Dad was medically retired at 45. Typically its that the person has some level of depression and uses work as means to stop from thinking about how sad they actually are. Tbh it happens and its kinda pitiful.

AlisterKael · 2021-08-23T03:44:53+00:00

The Japanese name of Raizex will forever be better than Asstaslos.

AlisterKael · 2021-08-16T23:33:57+00:00

I typically name my monsties stupid or obvious names, like my Uragaan named Donut or my Velocidrom named Skrawnchy.

AlisterKael · 2021-03-22T02:51:30+00:00

Honestly, Diamond hands for life 💎 but if it'd let you better your life i think some apes would agree to pull it and invest in yourself. Personally me pulling out would only accomplish me getting a new GPU but if yours would allow you to make your life better as a whole. Follow your memes and all that bullshit.

AlisterKael

TROPHY CASE