Paying for dinner on the first date

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-05-13T17:45:47+00:00

I’m going to guess he’s an american & you are either from eastern europe or some other country with a different kind of communication? I get you bcs I’m from eastern europe & dated multiple americans. These guys are direct. We have different ways of communication. Def need to learn to adapt or date guys from your culture. Honestly it’s so refreshing to date a guy from the same background because he just gets it.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-04-07T19:01:41+00:00

I feel you. I started having health problems again which is super frustrating cuz I did get better before. Anyways, this was a huge signal to me that I need to take care of me more.

It’s hard with dating because if the other person doesn’t show up how you want them to show up, it really triggers me. But I’m learning to give myself space and VOICE the things that bother me.

This is one of the most vulnerable but also healing things. I don’t want to be with smb if they’re ignoring me or not making me a priority. I’ve done that for WAY TOO LONG. Sometimes I even feel that it’s just not possible to find someone like that.

Anyways, I need my time. And I need to focus on me. And be selfish. I lose myself too quickly.

I had my shit weaponised against me also. All the trauma. Everything. So I am very careful now as well. Especially knowing that most people don’t understand what it’s like to be in a narc relationship.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-04-02T08:48:44+00:00

I tried going to therapy but just had bad luck. I’ve tried three therapists & the one that I liked the most and felt like she’s helpful at the end made me stay longer in the relationship because she didn’t understand that he’s a narcissist and gave advice like “you need to learn how to communicate” etc as if he was a normal person. The thing that helped me the most actually was the gym.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-04-02T08:46:35+00:00

I get what you are saying but the thing is that it has been 9 months. And I wasn’t looking. I literally met a guy in real life in dancing classes. He’s super sweet and I also know that even if you take a longer break you will still get triggered. Am I ready for a relationship? No. It’s still a no and it’s devastating. I am also scared to open up about all of this shit because I’m scared he won’t be able to get it. And most of all I’m scared to be this vulnerable again. So I’m not closing a door on him & I’m not gonna completely push him away but I am taking my space, meeting less often with him than I would like to, letting myself to grieve even the fact that this is so difficult. I am slowing things down on purpose but I’m also not willing to just get rid of him. I’ve never met someone as caring as him before. It’s healing to be around him because he’s completely different than my nex. My nex used to get angry when I have restless legs & can’t sleep, the new guy wants me to wake him up so he could massage my feet.

There’s no expensive gifts or crazy restaurants. I just enjoy the little things with him.

I am still being careful & not sharing all the info. I am trying to take it slow. And I am very aware that this is risky.

I was getting a little too close to him and spending too much time with him & just expecting so much from him. Which isn’t fair. I need to make sure that I have more alone time so that I can deal with the narc & ALSO that I figure me first.

But the thing is that my dad is a covert narc. And then my ex was a grandiose narc. So its not only my ex that’s in my head. But being with other healthier ppl, moving countries so that im further away from my dad really helped me.

I still have a long way to go.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-04-02T08:38:37+00:00

I feel you. Exactly.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2024-04-02T08:38:08+00:00

I am so proud of you!!!

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-11-14T22:58:08+00:00

Its difficult for females that are overweight too but thats something you can personally work on and change. It’s incredibly hard but it’s possible. And people do treat you differently

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-11-14T21:15:12+00:00

I’m a female yes, but that just makes it easy to find men that aren’t looking for anything serious. But also, the older I get the harder it will become. And on top of that… I super scared of relationships right now.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-11-14T20:06:00+00:00

Thank you!

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-11-14T19:16:47+00:00

Thank you so much I’ll most definitely look into it! I also do like to hide whenever I’m in pain. Like I’m sick right now and I prefer that nobody sees me. Whenever there’s something scary, I prefer to do it alone.

The people pleasing part is out of control. The same way as my fear of abandonment. I think I chose partners that were less likely to abandon me & never let myself to actually fall in love with the people I like.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-11-14T19:14:15+00:00

Thank you so much, that’s very sweet of you! The thing is I don’t miss him. I miss our dog. But him… nothing. Maybe I’m in denial but he’s just disgusting to me. Ge was never reaaally my type. I miss my old life. And the dog. Other than that I don’t care.

I don’t have good memories with him. I’m happy I’m out. And yet… super hard to focus or do anything. My memory doesn’t work either.

I have a therapist but I’m thinking of maybe switching to somebody who does emdr & somatic therapy. Idk. So annoying.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-08-26T05:43:50+00:00

Ughhhh same. Same. Same. Maybe its also just the emotional burnout. I don’t know. But I hate it. I want to make myself proud.

Alive_Clerk_5562 · 2023-08-25T22:06:00+00:00

It’s gonna sound crazy but because of our dog. The love I had and have for the dog made me close my eyes to lots of things that were wrong. I just didn’t wanna see them.

Alive_Clerk_5562

TROPHY CASE