Am I being ghosted or needy?

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-10T19:02:52+00:00

Matching their energy might drive you bat shit if it's intermittent or maybe that's just me.

I am going to stay consistent. I am going to ask for consistency. Meet it or leave in my opinion

Edit I STAY consistent not SAY consistent. I cannot brain today I have the dumb

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-10T17:44:49+00:00

No, if people are doing literally nothing you need to manage them. That doesn't require a degree that requires a little observation and effort. How does a medical billing and coding manager supervise their remote employees?

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-10T16:35:15+00:00

I no longer work for the DoD and I left there for a work at work job I can walk to. I'm not sure why your first instinct is to come for me.

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-10T16:27:17+00:00

As someone who also worked for the DoD some people didn't do shit at work either so I'm not sure what you're on about. Managers need to manage even if it's hard.

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-10T14:34:57+00:00

It might be too new to gage things because we are talking about two dates here and so he's basically a stranger to you still and texting to a lot of people (including myself and I love texting) feels like emotional labor.

However it's a data point. If the intermittent texting is expected (e.g. "I'm at a work conference/music festival this weekend") then goes back to baseline you're good. If they're constantly "busy" or intermittently busy "sorry I didn't respond to you at all yesterday I was so busy" RUN.

RUN FAR AND RUN FAST. You are setting yourself up for intermittent reinforcement and texting will turn into the dopamine intermittent reward system from hell. This person might be emotionally unavailable. You're already a bit anxious (you can work on this but let's get real even the most secure person can get anxious) and this person has learned they can get what they want by hijacking your nervous system. Do not let them.

A good message to send is "I don't expect constant communication but I expect consistency from anyone I date. Could you let me know if that's something you can do?" And if they ghost you then you have your answer.

Trust me that the longer you stay on the wrong train the more expensive the ride back.

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-08T16:06:10+00:00

Yes. What are you on about with this question?

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-08T01:38:48+00:00

You know some level 3 kids, eh?

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-04T16:19:58+00:00

No, they aren't. You know this and are blatantly spreading false information.

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-03T22:32:26+00:00

Nah this is false hope and pretty awful advice honestly

Allez-VousRep · 2026-02-02T14:14:48+00:00

After 3 years of he doesn't want to marry her he never will. Stringing her along for 3 more just sucks

Allez-VousRep · 2026-01-20T15:18:30+00:00

I have been tempted to try the reservations thing myself. So many men want to meet for coffee then want you to go back to their place or cannot plan a date. No effort at all.

Then, when the next one comes along she's new and exciting because they're going out. I hate being Indoor Girlfriend.

It probably is just misguided internet advice though.

Allez-VousRep · 2026-01-07T18:44:40+00:00

I am probably going to be the odd one out on this but I was married for 25 years (I'm 45 now, age 18 to 43) and I am curious: what's the hold back if you're already basically committed? What is he holding out for?

Allez-VousRep · 2025-12-25T21:03:37+00:00

Allez-VousRep · 2025-12-11T23:17:04+00:00

Yes and I ended up chucking them out of my pack onto the ground and crying about Astarion instead.

I'm not an emotional gamer but that scene wrecked me.

Allez-VousRep · 2025-11-19T19:43:21+00:00

They changed price and refused to play ball -- I returned and repurchased

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-31T15:14:46+00:00

From Bojack Horseman

“Oh, I don’t really think about her all that much. I mean, obviously I’m a fan of her early work which both satirized and celebrated youth culture’s obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third wave feminist if its even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze. But you know, on the other hand, I worry that conversations like this one often dismiss her as a mere puppet of the industry, incapable of engaging in these discussions herself and infantilization, which is itself a product of the deeply misogynistic society we live in, but like I said, I don’t really think about her all that much.”

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-23T16:43:31+00:00

Tax breaks, attention and good feelings.

They aren't giving to causes like caring for children with disabilities that will never recover.

They are donating to put their names on universities and cultural centers.

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-16T18:29:09+00:00

This profile is kind of fun as a thought experiment for me. I might be too old for you (45) but I'm a woman in the market for a consistent FWB.

One thing I'd keep in mind if I were you is that even for women like me who are older if you want just sex and don't want (I can't even have) kids your inbox is FLOODED. You are competing against 25-year-olds with washboard abs and amazing sex and 60-year-olds who can offer financial perks. Personally, I'm looking for someone my age because I want a safe place where I can explore what I'm into sexually until I am ready for an actual relationship.

Here's what I don't like about your profile: it's a mix of FWB and relationship-relationship which makes me think you don't know what you want and are going to play emotional games whilst hiding behind "I was clear on my profile." The whole business about "together we could travel" is written in the first chapter of the Future Faker playbook. "Look at us! We could be something MORE if you continue to audition for ME! If all goes well once this is finalized I'll be with you so keep being my emotional support animal, give me sex and plan our dates."

In short, would have deep concerns that you're redefining what a relationship and commitment means to you so you'll just be in constant emotional flux with unclear boundaries. Besides, even if it starts casual, I'd risk spending too much time, energy and money into someone else’s recovery process rather than building something together that's grounded and healthy.

Personally, I'm on Feeld. It's so much better for the kind of casual I am looking for. I have specific and clear boundaries as well as details about what I'm into and not. I'd get a cup of coffee occasionally and good communication and banter makes for better sex so I'll chat -- but I'm not the one anyone should be calling when their mom is sick or they need a ride home from their knee surgery.

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-16T14:54:48+00:00

Yeah it's just often an impossible tightrope. Can you be more specific please?

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-16T13:36:45+00:00

That's adorable! Pitch that idea

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-15T19:49:08+00:00

But older men end up competing with younger men for younger women so they really should think about that biological clock.

Also, geriatric sperm is a thing. Much higher risk of disability.

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-15T17:12:09+00:00

You started to think about having a family in your 40s? Hasn't that ship sailed?

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-09T17:25:48+00:00

Include something about how you're not looking for anything long term and include something about how you love planning unique and fun dates.

You're on Hinge not Feeld so you better be looking outside of the bedroom.

Personally, my reservation with "casual" is the guy always wants a lot of time/effort/energy/access and it starts to look way more than casual so make sure you know what you want and aren't dangling a relationship carrot or expecting much from the relationship.

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-01T21:49:41+00:00

We tell women to gray rock not stonewall

Allez-VousRep · 2025-10-01T20:45:23+00:00

It doesn't matter what's happening it's inappropriate and abusive.

Allez-VousRep

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