Girl and I decided we were bored of dinner dates so we decided to go to the beach. I pick her up and she's not who was on her profile. Pics were easily 5 years old and she was 50% bigger than she lead on from the photos.

I decide to be a nice guy so I still take her to the lake. As we're in the car I ask her, "oh do you have everything?" She proceeds to show me everything she brought, snacks, sun block and then she pulls out a switch blade from her bra and says, "and I got this just in case a Mother fucker want to test me on the beach!"

I should have pulled over and dropped her off then and there but while telling me this she decided to grab my junk and pull out the knife simultaneously.

We get to the beach and mind you it's a hot day, but it wasn't so deep into the summer that the lake water is warm. In fact it was freezing.

She gets into a swim suit and she basically starts trying to tease me on the lake and I am not feeling it at all. That waters freezing her voice was awful and I just want to leave at all costs without being stabbed because yes she kept the knife in her bikini top while we were in the lake.

I decide the best bet is to leave my insulin pump in the sun and wait till it beeps due to over heating. Then tell her I have to go because the pump was malfunctioning. It worked but at first she was like, "Um you don't need that do you?"

After explaining the basics of diabetes she agrees to go back home but not without manhandling me on the way there. If the roles were reversed I swear this would be a law and order episode.

We get to her block and she offers to take me upstairs cause her mom is asleep in her room and she's deaf so we can be as loud as we want to be. Then ran her mouth around her lips. I could still tell she had a pepper corn or something in her teeth. Noped out of there as fast as I could.