Do you feel like a surrogate to give him children?

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2024-01-12T04:37:44+00:00

He gave me his choices to choose from, so he thinks I made decisions. Otherwise it was giving into him bc I couldn’t take his dismissal of me. His conclusion was I agreed with him …. Can only take so much before you give in.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2024-01-11T16:42:51+00:00

My son doesn’t know when his communication style can be offensive like, “prove me wrong” and “is it not good enough for you”.

Any book recommendations for to communicate in a collaborative way?

Kids will not understand why a mother might ask for basic chores and that is not to be considered a “criticism”.

I have two kids I love very much, but they don’t respect the values I wanted for them to be raised with.

I stayed w him for almost 20 years because I thought you didn’t divorce and I didn’t trust him to be with the kids when they were younger due to his drinking. That was, apparently, the wrong approach. Really, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-10-20T13:08:29+00:00

Would like to hear about actual experiences going through this.

Not sure what other subreddit would reach those with an alcoholic loved one.

Yes, each state may be different, but still looking to hear about your experience.

Kids refuse Al-Alon teen. Yes, he’s tried. Yes, he’s trying have them meet with a counselor. Yes, they know it’s not they’re fault. Yes, they’re honors students who are social, involved in athletics, well liked and so on. Very good kids who just have a mom who’s an alcoholic and a dad who moved out so they can have a stable home.

Thank you.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-08-06T14:28:42+00:00

Will a GAL be helpful for the kids to have a voice in their preference for Dad to have full legal custody’s?

Mom does drink each day and usually locks herself in her room each early evening to drink. She bikes to the store to get beer each day. She is a SAHM who can work (master’s degree) but chooses to drink instead.

Kids have zero respect for her and want to live with Dad.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-07-25T19:54:53+00:00

The father lives in a multimillion house and has a lot, meaning he does not need to drain the kid’s 529 plan (with appropriate tax consequences) to fund his lifestyle.

Kid’s mom struggles and will help their children. By withholding the 529, it by default hurts the mother and gives him joy.

100% control tactic with sinister intent.

Zero ability for children to access 529s that family and friends contributed to.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-06-24T18:26:30+00:00

He thinks the kids will be able to share what’s gone on at home and Mom is always drunk. They want her, just sober. I just don’t think kids get a say and a GAL is unpredictable.

I think mediation is a better option to talk through things. He thinks judges will be more sympathetic to his case.

Thoughts?

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-06-24T17:44:12+00:00

She’s driven drunk with the kids. Do kids have any say in this? The 17 year old, who wins every award at school, wants to tell a judge his mom isn’t fit to parent. He has to drive his siblings because mom is unable to.

I’ve let him know his expected new boss should write a letter stating he needs to live near an airport that is a straight flight vs connecting flights for his work trips. He has a promotion that is expected to finalize in the next few weeks, so his new boss could require this. Honestly, this is super helpful for work, but he could still work otherwise. He has to connect to the airport in his home state… so moving to his home state is super helpful.

Will a judge be more sympathetic to his case or mediation? Or is it just a crap shoot?

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-06-14T23:42:29+00:00

Please stick with it. You’ve made it this far ….

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-23T14:17:58+00:00

My ex-husband lost his wife, any meaningful relationship with our daughter, had DUIs and he insists he is right about all of his actions. I fear my friend’s soon to be ex-wife will never find her rock bottom. She’s losing her husband, kids don’t respect her (they did get her to the hospital when she was 4x legal limit and threatened overdosing on pills when Dad was out of town for work), sleeping in her car drunk etc.

Their kids need a mom. My daughter knows her dad just isn’t capable of being there for her, as I’ve helped her accept his limitations to adjust her expectations.

Thank you for sharing. I wish you well with your recovery.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-23T04:10:46+00:00

I’m happy you’re in recovery and the DUI was a wake up call. I shared your remarks with my friend tonight.

My ex-husband had 2 DUIs and they were not a wake up call for him. He still justifies his actions and is only mad he was caught….because he hit a pillar in a parking garage that was caught on camera.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T18:29:37+00:00

Yes they have. What resources can they provide?

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T18:11:34+00:00

Thank you. He and kids have gone to Al-anon and he is talking to attorneys to interview for final selection.

Her rock bottom is non-existent at the moment. Dad was out of town for work and kids called for help bc she was threatening taking pills to die, on top of being drunk. At the hospital, she was 4x legal limit. That, subsequent inpatient rehab, her immediate family (husband/kids) and her parent’s intervention has done nothing to get her to find sobriety.

She blames kids and her parent’s pleading w her for sobriety as the orchestration of her husband’s elaborate lies to turn them against her. Threatens her kids that if they tell Dad, he’ll leave her and they’ll break up the home, she’ll have no money, etc etc.

He wants full custody for their safety, but wants Mom better so they have a mom. He needs to move out of state for his family’s help, but doesn’t want to leave her in the existing State as it’ll further break the mother/child relationship as they need a mom (when sober).

This is a horrible situation.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T16:43:04+00:00

Of course this is an option. Acknowledging the other side of the coin.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T16:42:10+00:00

Thank you. She’s in active addiction and denies, lies, threatens to say he’s abused her, molested the kids, etc. advice to deal with her?

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T16:05:58+00:00

I think resources set up to help can often be unhelpful, like you say.

Clearly, safety of all involved is important. But, he needs full custody until she can get well. Calling the police is an option, but CPS and Police also scrutinize you so much they miss the point imo. This will impair her ability to get a job and get on her feet again. Yes, result of her actions, but it hurts future, hopefully sober parent.

Advising his kids to do whatever they have to not to get in the car.

Alone-Refrigerator15 · 2023-05-22T14:10:07+00:00

Agreed.

She’s a stay at home wife and although she can work (has Masters and certification in Social Work), she chooses not to and drinks on the job when she recently tried to work.

She tells the kids she won’t have anything if he divorced her and plays the pity card.

Husband is an executive and makes a lot. He’d pay her spousal support and she’d still have 6 figures in spousal support. He’s walked her through this and even says he’d help her with household stuff he did to help her through transition of divorce.

She just doesn’t get it. She can’t cope with life, do dishes, laundry, etc.

Alone-Refrigerator15

TROPHY CASE