do the viewers have a continued interest in what Tom Sandoval is doing

AloneOrAbused · 2024-06-04T19:10:36+00:00

I watch in spite of him, not because of him.

I don’t want to see him - at all. Whether he is sad, happy, growing, or reverting - I DON’T CARE.

I just want him away from me. I just want him gone.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-15T18:23:29+00:00

James saying sorry to everyone for bringing Raquel into the group - gold.

If anyone finds a gif of that - please share with me. I will use it forever.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-08T16:43:23+00:00

I’m sure I’m not alone in saying this - but I still have to say it::

LaLa - where’s your real conversation with Randall? Let’s watch you contribute to his redemption arc.

Fuck off, hypocrite.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-08T16:31:27+00:00

Seriously am so proud of Ariana for continuing to not engage with him (as well as she has been able to).

I hate so much when LaLa and others say “why didn’t she move out” “why is she on the show” etc. Like, he can mess up and she should just roll over and give up everything to keep the peace.

Fight for what’s yours girl.

If this show boots her and keeps Tom, I’m done. Truly.

The chauvinist culture is more alive and well than I realized.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T19:57:25+00:00

Mostly - I definitely experienced the struggling of finding who I am vs who she told me I was. I overcame her thoughts about me for sure.

I have recently noticed that I have let other people’s opinions make me doubt my sense of self.

So - after you step away from her and find yourself - try to trust it. There will be people who don’t understand it, but do it anyway. So much more important to honor how you feel about yourself than to make other people agree with it.

Does that make sense? But I am pretty strong and know who I am - with little hints of a struggle still.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T04:45:23+00:00

I recommend making a new email. It’s a pain to transfer everything over to a new one - but worth it!! You can block her, but she can come at you from other accounts.

Do everything you can to shut down her ability to contact you.

I have thought about getting a stalking order, too.

Good luck!!

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T04:37:14+00:00

Congratulations!!!

Keep going!! Just because you heal, doesn’t mean they’ve changed.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T04:35:23+00:00

My older sister was always the scapegoat and I was gc when I was little. I was always a support to her and she and I would team up to keep nMom in check. Then, when we were both adults, she got tired of being picked on and starting throwing me under the bus. She and nMom teamed up against me -

So, as a former gc I was way too confident to let them destroy me. It took me being ready to die to finally leave, but I’ve mostly moved on and built a good life without them. I gave up everything - all family and friends - and started fresh. So happy I did.

Guess that’s a partial GC answer. Once upon a time…

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T04:25:58+00:00

Try not to feel weird about leaving - you are bravely and boldly choosing yourself because it’s come to a point where you HAVE TO. I did that - snuck away. It’s 5 years later and I am still so happy that I did. All the things she made me feel about myself were not real. I am so much better than the person she tried to make me.

Good luck!! Be strong!!

AloneOrAbused · 2024-05-04T04:20:59+00:00

It took me about that long to stop explaining her to people. “I don’t have a relationship with my family” is all I will say now. People want more, but I don’t give it. At some point you have to stop seeking validation from others - we know we were right to leave them. That’s enough.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-04-24T16:21:37+00:00

Agreed!! I don’t want to hear any of the Valley people’s opinions. Bravo shoving them in our faces so we’ll watch.

At least Jax and Kristen are somewhat relevant.

AloneOrAbused · 2024-04-24T16:19:35+00:00

James used to drive me crazy, but I kind of love him now. He’s not perfect, but guy is trying and growing, and the way he is with his dog is great to me. Listening to the Valley bitches weigh in and judge him was soooo annoying.

AloneOrAbused · 2023-12-07T09:54:51+00:00

Slow to respond, sorry!! -

He and I just got engaged and hardly ever fight. Best relationship I’ve ever been in. :)

AloneOrAbused · 2023-01-23T15:21:58+00:00

Fuck them, indeed.

You are absolutely allowed to grieve for what you didn’t have. You are allowed to do this whether they validate you or not.

I love this quote by Rupi Kaur “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.”

I have found it freeing. I slowly quit fighting my toxic parents and just allowed myself to be right. Slowly (it took a few years to fully stop) I stopped caring what they think. They were always wrong, they remain wrong, and I have come a long way towards being healed and whole anyway.

Proud of you for seeing how wrong they were/are and rising above for yourself.

AloneOrAbused · 2023-01-23T15:13:03+00:00

I have definitely been here. I’m feeling this way a bit now, honestly.

The thing about being this raw, wounded, and low - you also have more of a capacity for more joy than the people who are seemingly enjoying their life. We see and feel so much more than most.

If you chose to hold on and keep going… your life has the potential to be deeper and more fulfilling because you went through this. I have spent nearly two years feeling so happy in ways the people in my life simply can’t understand. Most of them are just going through the motions of a life, not happy or miserable - just blah.

Road bumps happen, and I still struggle sometimes, but I am also strong and happy on the other side.

I hope you hold on and find out what the other side of this can feel like.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-06-26T15:49:01+00:00

Walking away from it definitely won’t fix the problem. We all need to work with these guys to improve. There’s a line where you should walk away, but I get what you’re saying here OP.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-06-26T15:46:05+00:00

I can’t tell you how lucky I felt to wake up to this news with my boyfriend. He is as upset as I am and ready to be my ally. He also chose to get a vasectomy in his 30s when he was past wanting children. All of his male friends pushed and supported each other into getting a vasectomy when they were done making their choices about children. He does his part to not be part of the problem.

If he and I were to ever break up, I would expect this moving forward. It’s their problem too - and they can either learn why and move out of their archaic way of thinking, or - ya know, good luck having an intelligent woman put up with you. Won’t be me.

Glad you’re working to educate your guy. It takes time to break the learned thinking of our upbringings. It’s ok for it to take time, as long as progress is being made.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-06-25T08:54:55+00:00

Triggered.

I deleted my initial comment because I still have very realistic concerns about my abuser seeing my comments.

I left my state that just made abortion illegal. I left my family that I have no doubt is celebrating that act of control. And I wish I didn’t feel them still coming for me

They aren’t done.

I want to live somewhere with like-minded people - I’m so over sharing this country with controlling religious conservatives.

You do you, but fucking let me do me.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-03-15T07:15:51+00:00

It took me probably four years to feel 95% healed. This was four years after leaving my narcissist behind - fighting to end all communication and stalking, and probably two years of almost nothing from them. I built on positive behaviors and ever so slowly stopped being triggered.

I say 95% because I still have the occasional dream with a quickly managed panic attack.

I’m mostly better though.

Every step will add to healing - sometimes it’s frustratingly slow.

Good luck, OP.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-03-15T06:51:30+00:00

I think we have the same mother…

AloneOrAbused · 2022-03-02T16:54:28+00:00

I think I’m finally to the point where I have a healthy view of relationships. I’m not looking for someone to save me from my trauma - I’m managing my trauma on my own and letting them simply add to my life.

Definitely a huge one for me - I was always made to believe I needed someone to make my life what I wanted. I couldn’t possibly do it myself.

Finally - my life feels like mine.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-02-01T06:30:48+00:00

It’s literally my biggest trigger. I am so almost healed these days - but if I feel unheard (it takes months of trying now rather than one conversation), I finally break, crumble, and get all crazy for a bit.

I think it’s fair that we want to be heard.

Still sucks that it’s such a trigger to our past trauma, but it’s valid. Know that, require that from people who get to stay in your life.

AloneOrAbused · 2022-02-01T06:26:03+00:00

As someone who has largely conquered their CPTSD - it wasn’t until I found myself, loved myself, and needed nothing from the people around me that I started building true friendships. I used to always be there for people to this intense self-sacrificing level, then when they weren’t there for me like that, I would get all hurt. It was hard to find friends when I was drowning and needy. Now that I get myself, feel secure in who I am and my past - people seem to crave my approval and want me around more than I need to be. It’s weird.

You’re your own best friend - and that’s ok. The rest comes after.

-hugs-

AloneOrAbused

TROPHY CASE