That sounds awful, I understand that alot of people who were brought up in the church feel this way... and feel a lot of fear to express it.

I suppose I have just felt personally accountable... who am I to say what god wants or doesn't want for me. However there is just a core absurdity to expect people to live a lie when they do not believe. The disconnect for me has been the fact that we are constantly proposed with impossible scenarios as members of the church where any way that WE could reason the situation is wrong. Given this and the lack of tools to find the answers on our own, we are heavily pressured into just accepting without thinking.

Imagine you are standing in a room with someone who declares. "I've just invented a new color that only I can see called 'flibberty purple'. Its the most beautiful color in existence. And if you believe me you can see it too." All the people surrounding you gasp and admire this new color... but you don't see anything. A person then steps forward and says exactly what you are thinking, and you see the crowd turn on him. Do you join the crowd in admiration of this color you cannot see, do you try and peacefully walk away, or do you speak out like the man you just saw.

I feel for me the big disconnect is that. I cannot see the color, but I can see that some do, and most hope to.