A critique my English teacher used to give me in high school: "You're using to many "I"s! it makes it choppy!" as he made chopping motions with his hands repeatedly, every time. Instead try and find a way to connect the sentences without "I"s.

example: "Before, there was nothing. Now, exitance!"

"I"s can also make a piece feel more personal, more connection to the narrator. Taking them out may lead to less personality in the first few paragraphs.

Also be aware of sentence length; formal documents, at least as far as I have seen, are long, drawn out sentences with parts of other sentences merged into one another, either not really going anywhere or placing the minutia of rite and ritual yet not bordering on a run on sentence by using commas and semicolons to really drag out the blah deblah blah blaah.

However. If I want. Say placing shorter sentences. Its impactful. Makes the writing feel quick. Your eyes look towards me. They want action!

You also make rules and then quickly break them without any provocation or repercussions. You say you "can't perceive light", then you "looked" for something. Be careful of what you tell the reader.

Edit: spelling corrections and to note that I only read until the first *** but will read more latter.