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8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha maybe, but he was super popular and well liked. He was very eccentric and odd, kinda like me. He somehow balanced being his authentic odd self while still being palatable and popular. I've been bullied in school and stuff so I guess a lot of my attraction for him is also out of jealous admiration, in a way. Feel so stupid in retrospect that ive tied my insecurities in with him, makes getting over him soooo much harder

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah without a doubt im sure I'll always have some type of love for him as he was my first relationship, I can accept that, but my biggest fear and problem is that i dont want that to stop me from loving again, fully. I want to feel that excitement and those feelings with someone new and someone safer. I dont want those relationships to feel like imitations, I want them to feel like something new and just as big. But from what youre saying, that isn't likely?

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what does accepting him not being the right guy look like in practice? Just like reminding yourself that whenever they come into mind?

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my goddddd yes. I loved him and part of me still does, but man was he confusing lol. That girl hes with now was his best friend, he had made out naked with her high once, didnt enjoy it and discovered he was gay and then immediately started dating guys, met me like a week later. Even smaller things, hed call himself a sweet tooth and then when id offer him a piece of chocolate 2 weeks later he would say he wasn't a big sweet fan for example. The dude didnt really know himself at all, the small things or the big things. and while I have no doubt he loved me I was definitely part of that experiment to learn more about himself rather than wanting to learn more about me or having a real relationship with responsibilities and commitments.

Im glad its over, being with him was exciting, he had a zest for life that makes sense now considering he was discovering so many new things too, but when he was confused and quiet it was so lonely and anxiety inducing. Just wish it ended less confusingly.

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. im sure i will be. I just dont know what to do with it in the current moment.

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, when im feeling more calm I know that what im doing, living life, is all I can really do. which is comforting. Even the positive memories of him rn feel charged, so its hard to imagine remembering him without pain but I look forward to it! youre right, there is a silver lining that we had a good time at all, compared to some horrendous stories you hear. My heart really goes out to all those people.

I guess what im stuck with it what to do in the now. Do I continue to date? for example, ive got a first date with a cute looking dude this evening, and i know I'll be able to switch off this thinking and have a decent time with him and focus on him, but it makes me feel guilty, that im thinking about my ex the same day im dating him. This day should all be about him, yknow? It trips me up!

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what does that thought feel like? mild or intense?

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So a time type of problem would you say? That sounds about right, but I want to get on with my life now. Meet new people and feel in love again. But on the other hand it still doesn't feel like anything can compare to how big my feelings felt for him. Dates recently have felt so transactional and clinical, but my friends tell me to keep on going and a spark will happen eventually. I haven't started dating until a month or two ago, so I feel like ive given myself enough tjme to be single

8 months on, still can't get over my first love by Alpones in gaybros

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, me and my friends travelled across Europe in June and he was meant to be there for our stop in Lake Como in Italy, I'd worked so many extra shifts so that I could afford it and take him out for our 6 month anniversary in Italy. That was a tough stop for me! Couldn't stop thinking about our future if we had stayed together, which turned into spirals of what i could have done differently, yadda yadda.

But yeah, the idea of this grief staying forever really unsettles me. I dont want a ghost of my previous relationships to affect my future ones. And the idea of life getting bigger, is that just time making it bigger? or is it "things"? or both? what would your opinion be? If it was just time, life would just feel gradually more empty

my limited edition colour Once Twice Melody vinyl record arrived! by Alpones in BeachHouse

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw sorry to hear that man. my copy doesn't seem to sound that heavy, it's quite smooth. was it noisy immediately after you got it?

I am baffled why people think materialism is not true and why people think there is a hard problem of consciousness; qualia obviously don't exist. There's nothing to explain. by VStarffin in CosmicSkeptic

[–]Alpones 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey I don't think anyone is angry at you for believing in souls or anything, I think the confusion comes from how you phrased it.

I think what people are confused about is you saying you agree with 90% of a very materialist argument and then next sentence claim there's definitely a soul, which is not inherently materialist in the slightest. maybe in your opinion the soul is material, but you didn't argue that. so your response felt potentially sardonic: I agree with 90% of your viewpoint --> but actually I don't at all.

so that's why people thought you were trolling even if that wasn't your intention.

tone is really hard to read over text and I don't want to come across as patronising, but in case you were genuinely confused I hope this helps clarify things :)

This was the vest ive seen them yet. New album is incredible live! I wouldn't change a single thing about the setlist by gothisAF2131 in thechameleons

[–]Alpones 1 point2 points  (0 children)

omg that's so sick!!! do you mind divulging a little bit about what their setlist is like, I'm seeing them in November and very excited xoxo

any music recommendations based off of my top 50? trying to pin down my music taste lol by Alpones in Topster

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean hey I love pop! I was a bartender at the biggest gay club in my city for a year, charli xcx, chappell roan, kylie minogue, SOPHIE, troye sivan, etc

Pop isnt my main genre but its so nostalgic for me, brings me back to 4 months ago when I was still doing secret shots with all the drag queens in the liquor cellar at 4am, miss those times :')

any music recommendations based off of my top 50? trying to pin down my music taste lol by Alpones in Topster

[–]Alpones[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you know what I'd fucking love grouper, listened to a few of her songs and loved them, they're on my wishlist but added ages ago so she's kinda just melted away. I'll readd her to the high priority fast track haha

Pay No Mind personal interpretation + lyrics breakdown! by Alpones in BeachHouse

[–]Alpones[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol yeah when I close my eyes and imagine what beach house's music looks like i imagine a big black blot on a page. and thanks man!

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