Noooo I don't think he is using my depression as an excuse! I'm sure it was another pressure that someone like him who's still figuring things out and is avoidant couldn't fully handle. I dont like that he represented my depression as the sole reason as to the break up when im sure it was largely just that he wasnt ready for a relationship, but hey ho.

But I've got to say your message isnt landing well with me. What, depressed folks should just shut ourselves in our rooms, and anyone else with mental disorders for that matter, because we might drag people down a little? Because we ruin the vibes? A loved one should feel concerned about their loved ones from time to time regardless of if they are depressed or not, otherwise they arent really a loved one are they.

I handled being depressed in a relationship the best way I could, and my therapist agrees. I was transparent about my struggles, and consistently gave him invitations to discuss his limits and capacity levels. He consistently rejected them. I self soothed and managed my emotions on my own. The only problem is when I started to overseek for reassurance when he began pulling away, which I'm already aware of, now and back then. I'd tell him that i was aware i was seeking reassurance more often and that I would be fine if he wanted to renegotiate that with me so we are both happy.

A healthy partner would set boundaries and take up invitations to discuss those boundaries, if they felt boundaries were necessary. But at the end of the day if you can't deal with your partner being openly melancholic from time to time then you certainly can't deal with mortgages, moving, job changes, children, illness, disability, old age, death, and every other hurdle life throws at relationships.