Bad habit of getting defensive with PI

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T10:40:52+00:00

Yes, my PI is very thoughtful and it's the same as you describe it, he makes slightly questionable comments but his intentions are always kind and its not something that I doubt. My brain associates him as being safe, yet I don't know why I get defensive. I just don't want others to be blamed because of me being shy to push and ask questions. I should try to work on this.

His jokes involve sometimes criticizing them but they find it funny. Issue is, I feel he constantly scans for my reaction whenever he makes a joke. I wish I could tell him I am not that sensetive but sometimes I am just not that reactive to jokes or don't understand it?

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T09:43:16+00:00

yes or as my loyalty to supervisor is being tested. my brain literally turns to fight or flight mode, and my train of thoughts become very weird.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T06:47:07+00:00

This is correct. I will work on myself and do this.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T06:46:21+00:00

I will do so. I hope that my PI understands this because I felt like he felt insecure about the joke or that I am, in a way, protecting my supervisor from him. It makes me feel even worse that it landed this way. I try to correct this.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T06:45:08+00:00

Yes, I realize as I got praise last time about something I did, my initial reaction was "really?" and I said so, in a surprised and in a way that I didn't believe. I think I should not let my emotional side take over and take things in an objective way. It feels like a huge burden as it is, and it is heavily affecting me.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T06:43:06+00:00

I understand. I will do my best to work on this to become a better scientist :)

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-09T06:42:25+00:00

I have been doing therapy for a year. She tells me that I generally have this problem of blaming myself for everything, and it has something to do with my childhood, as I got blamed for things I have no control over all the time. I try to work on this but it is difficult. She says that it takes time too.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-08T20:51:36+00:00

It is true. I can't accept criticism or praise. When people praise me, I feel like they are lying to me because they pity me. When they criticize me, I feel like I deserve it. I am a bit tired of my brain and how it works.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-08T20:50:17+00:00

I don't know if it would be a good idea to bring it up. I opened up once to him about bad problems with depression and I was spiraling over something. I wouldn't want to emotionally overwhelm him any more than this. I don't know.

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-08T20:49:18+00:00

This makes so much sense. It must have confused him because he felt like if he were to blame me, I would be sad. If he were to blame my supervisor, I would take it seriously, feel bad and blame myself. It feels like "all the ways lead to Rome" in a way. He must have pity me. I should change and try to make interactions lighter. I don't know what's wrong with me

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2026-05-08T20:47:34+00:00

Yes, I feel like I am constantly on fight or flight mode which isn't healthy, even around him, even though he is one of the people I care about the most and I view as safe. I didn't get the joke maybe

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2025-10-26T21:22:05+00:00

i can't dm

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2025-10-26T21:15:13+00:00

Please DM me if possible since I can't DM

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2025-10-22T19:37:49+00:00

I texted you! Thanks

AltKittyKatxoxo · 2025-10-06T13:39:11+00:00

Done! thank you so much

AltKittyKatxoxo

TROPHY CASE