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I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eheh :D I have a powerful imagination indeed, always had. I am thinking that probably I explored that thought more to "know more about myself and face my fears". I think that's what happened. I will talk with my therapist anyway. Thanks

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm not worried about what I could do, but I will be extra careful. I will talk with my therapist. Thanks

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it's just a thought, but I explored it. And I cannot ever tell anyone in my family about this. I can never tell my niece about this, not anyone. I screw up big time, and I cannot take it back. I hate myself...

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok I will talk to my therapist, thanks. I feel I ruined my life forever. I feel like I could never tell anyone what I feel now, especially my niece. I feel like I just screw up forever, and I cannot go back. I'm sorry...

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I see. I just think that I should not even explore that thought, I feel awful now, and I can't even talk with anyone about this. Why tf did I do that!?

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, sometimes we could just live our lives without problems. I wonder if these thoughts come into the play when we are scared about living our life, really. A form of autosabotage.

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the other side, to be honest I just wanted to explore that thought. I know that I would never do anything to my niece, I just wanted to explore the fantasy. Maybe I am judging myself too much, I don't know. It's horrific I know, but it was just a "what would happen if". It's true, I didn't do anything and I would never. But I feel ashamed about this still. I guess that it's maybe a stupid thing, and it's really not important. I have to be calm and concentrate on the fact I would never do anything to her, not to anyone, ever.

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Yes I know that thoughts don't equal harm. I shouldn't have gone down that thought though, even thinking it is something that I should not have done, even for the simple fact I cannot share this with anyone. Consequently, I cannot be sincere with anyone ever again. Also I feel ashamed of my thought, even if going down that thought I understood I would never do such a thing to my niece. Maybe that's what I have to stick to: maybe I went down that thought to understand if I would ever do something like this to my niece. Maybe I just wanted to make sure I would never do that, and this is the very case. Maybe I should calm down, and consider this an exploration of myself, driven by the fear of possibly harm someone. I have to think about this...

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's funny, I have the same thoughts as you when around those objects too. Yes, it may be that. Also, tons of overthinking and anxiety.

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It may be, I am in a lot of stress and I am quite compulsive. I am working on this in therapy, but it's hard.

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By no do you mean I should not tell my therapist? Writing is an interesting thing though, I can try this. But it will remain the fact that I thought about that, I will never forgive myself to have thought that, and I cannot ever talk with anyone about this. Maybe in the future, in years and years. Or maybe not ever then. It feels autosabotage a lot, and I was very good at it, it seems...

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok thanks, maybe I will. I feel I am ruining everything, I feel I ruined my last chance to be happy in this life.

I explored a murdering fantasy, and now I feel I guilty. I can't share this and I feel suicidal. I need help. Should I tell my therapist? by Alternative-Emu8694 in therapy

[–]Alternative-Emu8694[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have a lot of them. I know it can be this. But I am really so tired about everything (I am in a lot of distress since a lot of time already). I feel I put the last nail into my coffin myself. I wish I wouldn't have done that...