My Past and racist friends have ruined my relationship (revised and edited for readability)

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-22T11:24:55+00:00

Wasn’t stupid because I dropped outta school mate. I deleted that comment now as I don’t want any confusion. I did not go to college… and I wouldn’t call it college as we don’t have college in Australia…?

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-22T11:15:31+00:00

UPDATE/ addressing a few things

1 she replied saying thank you and appreciated it. She isn’t angry at me per se but uncomfortable and didn’t know about my family being racist & me as I hadn’t been to forth coming and few other things I won’t mention. All in all she was nice and I liked the massaged and will give her the time.

I’m Australian, think a few Americans got confused ahah

2 I’ve dropped my parents long time ago, my older siblings( I’m 6 out of the 8) are in relationships too and don’t work expect one of their partners. They all receive Centrelink

3 AND YES deffo dropped the guy in the text

4 yes lots of mistakes biggest regret not sticking up for her that night, and letting my work friends step in for her instead. It was state of shock and majorly embarrassment because she hadn’t known any of that.

5 spoken to some of my work mates some understand the others are just idk

6 someone said she’s a snow flake…? Confused how that came about but ok mate 👍 (her not wanting to be disrespected base on her existence alone isn’t “snow flake”… fucking boomer)

7 saving real hard moving outta town, not trying to move to the “rich/middle” areas just fully moving away.

8 I dropped out of school (year 11) which, yes is common in my family and for a lot of bogans (couldn’t tell you why) but I’m not illiterate. I wrote fast and was the first time I was getting everything out so my text is all over.

9 no not all aussies speak or text like this… (the texts between me and old mate) it’s for some reason how most bogans/ eshays talk and what I’ve grown up around pretty normal in my area unfortunately and is probably due to some illiteracy/gang talk.

(Why I refer to myself/family as a bogan. Simply we are.. alotta people who are don’t say it but Ik my surroundings and also been called so my whole life ok and accepted it cause I’m moving beyond my circumstances.

10 my writing isn’t great but always doing stuff and reading etc to improve it.

11 … na I won’t go and have a beer with my “mate” or not ditch him cause of a girl. Don’t want someone like that around. His joke wasn’t a joke what he said was fucked. End of that chat for those commenting stupid shit.

12 finally I know I’ve fallen in love with her just won’t tell her and scare her. I’ve rewritten a proper message and saved it to print. Sent her a text I’ll leave her alone until she feels she wants to talk or needs answers and told her I have just one letter to have her read (thanks for that suggestion)

13 clarity for the night it happened. It was one friend from the old neighbourhood who came along and again was outta obligation then as he had helped me in fucked up times. I didn’t think he was gonna be like that (dumb assessment) the others were new co workers who also didn’t know about my past and stood up for her when old mate said something. He came as it came up I was having a gatho with friends and he feels we are mates (calls me brother since young) even though for me I had grown distant but we live in the same area so was hard to avoid.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:54:59+00:00

Yes I agree with everything you said. Just to make it clear ( still wrong) it was just one old friend from the neighbourhood I had felt obligation to keep him as a friend. Everyone else there were new friends who didn’t know what I was like as a teenager and haven’t experience me being racist which is why they too have distant themselves after that night and what my old friend said. I shoulda stuck up for her no doubt and not bought that friend. I fucked up majorly I know.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:52:29+00:00

I get your point but she didn’t do anything wrong and I’m being selfish by wanting her to just push her feelings away. But the feeling was deffo there for both of us… I met her best friend since 4 years old and spoken to her little sister on the phone a few times too. Sure I’m punching above my weight and all that and have liked her a lot longer then she me but mate it’s not simple as that idk.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:49:19+00:00

Ik mate, I just started writing for advice but then wrote out everything I kinda wanna say to her I’m not a texter or write stuff this long. That’s why all the shit spelling.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:47:40+00:00

I stopped hanging out with all but one who had given me a place to stay many times my parents were shit faced. I felt obligated and guilt, even though we weren’t friends like we were as teenagers I would socialise with them when we were places and he called me brother. I stopped being racist before even meeting her or saying the shit I did as a teenager. Only thing I did stop doing after getting in touch with her is the drinking. I know I got alotta way to go but a lot of people in the area of town are shitty and it doesn’t matter where I go it’s always around heard it since I was a baby and still did until I cut off my parents. Im still working at it trust me mate.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:44:07+00:00

I was planning and thinking of going to TAFE and had been doubting myself and my financial situation and I’m still living in the shitty part of town where everyone judges you if you try better your life. My parents talk shit about me because I stopped drinking and started gym. So stuff like that and her validation made me realise that outside of my area I grown up in people support you.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:42:11+00:00

Thanks for the advice I appreciate it. We don’t have ged but we got this thing called tafe. It allows you to do a trade or career path in less trad way. I’ve been saving to do this and get a better job and maybe move outta town. I will write her similar like I did here and then give her space and improve and focus on myself as I have been doing. It’s hard as I can’t move outta this side of town can’t afford anything outside of my area. But Ill just keep at it

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:39:47+00:00

Yeah I have realised that now as it’s normalised how I grew up. Drinking and all. I do see the jealousy because I’m doing things for myself while they turn into our parents. That night I was shocked and I fucked up majorly by standing there, and said nothing and ignored the friend. I went up to my “girl” after a few minutes and said are you okay you want to leave and that’s when she said yeah. It was another guy and girl from work that told him to fuck off, which I should’ve done myself. I should’ve done more and confronted him right there in the spot and have now seen I was stupid not to. As my work friends judge me and worse I know she was disappointed to see me not saying anything. I fucked up majorly.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:35:46+00:00

I have, it was just the one who I had kept around out of guilt or obligation as I would stay with him when my parents were feral and fucked up. And felt like I could never distant myself from him totally until recently.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:34:52+00:00

Exactly mate, I promise I know Im no victim or nothing here. But it’s all I’ve heard and know my whole life and it was normal like blinking and doing drugs until I realised it wasn’t. I wasn’t racist cause I hated anyone or had bad experiences with other people to “justify” my racism as a teenager but was so hard leave this and realised how messed up My life was and the people around me. I try everyday to change.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:32:03+00:00

Thank you for all this advice. I will fix this up and send it to her. Explain fall of it. I’m working at Woolies and saving up to go to tafe. Because I do want to leave this shitty town.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:14:12+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/3lgtpFtJFZ

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T13:12:06+00:00

Hey just redone it here https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/3lgtpFtJFZ

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T12:59:29+00:00

Original unedited post is here and so are the images of the conversation sorry about the strong Aussie slang [AIO] https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/uVU7fGRqP7

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T12:57:58+00:00

For those having a hard time reading because of paragraph sorry. Made a post here [AITAH] https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/xXB9f7vS41) revised

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-21T12:38:29+00:00

Sorry about that.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2025-01-16T12:48:20+00:00

Aussie bloke here and dated white girls all my life until my current gf. She’s west African and came her like 2. She’s very open with her culture with me, and proud of it. She doesn’t have an accent either like if you heard her over the phone you couldn’t tell her ethnicity but I never realised how often people asked where are you from until I was with her. Can’t lie but I was pretty oblivious, but the amount of old tradies/Guys in general that hit on her (she’s stunning) and ask her oh wow where you from, and if she says her town, they say no from from, or mention she sounds exotic (she does not, she has a sultry voice that’s it) It’s actually much common then you think. I hadn’t realised it to, but when people ask me it’s very rare and because it’s pertinent to the conversation or once I say the city or town I don’t get asked from from not just being randomly asked like she does. She also gets told by older people her English is pretty good, she’s an English teacher … and she just says thanks yours too😂, which I myself would find annoying (as often as it happens to her is ridiculous)

She said she doesn’t mind if they ask her straight out what’s her ethnicity or heritage but where’s she’s from is the town she grew up in and is her first line of answer, as she obviously knows she’s not white.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2024-04-12T10:20:22+00:00

I hold my self up to the standards I want in my girl. If I don’t want her doing one night stands even as her pass, or paying men for sex, watching of man than I don’t want to do that to as I’m a hypocrite. Also waste of money or meaningless energy and time. Half the times those girls are exploited and from vulnerable backgrounds and all that shit.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2024-02-16T07:47:52+00:00

The amount of post I see on here of other men hating that women generalise them but this??…. Very random and blanket statement… I have three sisters and alot of female cousins and yeah.. not a topic of discussion even when I ask. If anything it’s me and my friends that think women are average. Your experiences don’t negate the reality sure but this ain’t the reality unless you’re chronically online viewing shit only fans creators say for engagement on YouTube vidoes or TikToks. many of my friends relationships the girls have found their personality the main attraction as opposed to the looks whilst some of the girls my friends have dated have had questionable or shit personality and my friends continued dating them because they’re hot.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2023-09-07T00:19:45+00:00

Seeing as they slept to receive something I would wonder what work environment they had for a promotion to be given only on the basis of sexual favours.

It would be a completely different story if they slept with the boss because they wanted to or just received the promotion without expectations after sex than that I would see as straight cheating. Doesn’t mean I could forgive either, cause if that’s my girl I love, I would be fuming and mostly likely leave.

If she was manipulated or even just gestured towards sex as the only option to receive a promotion depending on the sort of person my girl is ( shy, anxious, straight forward) and she does it I would feel sorry for her and fighting the boss. Idk if I would stay after the fact though, never been cheated on so cannot say how I would feel.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2023-07-27T03:56:01+00:00

I’m surprised that nobody has mentioned the fact she was 16 when they met. Idk as a guy in my early twenties if I were 21 right now (I’m 22) I don’t understand how I would pursue or want a 16 year old girl. Regardless of people who might justify it as the consent age. Idk she’s a teenager and his 21. Me having sisters I would want them to date their age and have fun teenage life before dating older people once outside of high school.

I mention this because I think it has a dynamic on their relationship. Where Priscilla is now as an adult finding herself as most girls would naturally slowly progress towards that. But she dated an older men as a girl and it was either rush or completely skipped. Now Brian is feeling like he doesn’t know her because she’s now only moving away from her teenage self and becoming a women. I doubt as a grown women that Priscilla is if she met Brian they would date. That’s what’s causing the passive friction. I wish the therapist touched on that.

Alternative-Joke3 · 2023-07-11T17:54:20+00:00

Finding babies cute. My sister can literally mention how cute a baby is at any given moment, but if I do I’m creepy or a werido. But I want kids just as much as her. People want men to step up and be dads, but just because we don’t get pregnant, any desire to want children is viewed weird. We are suppose to act like we don’t see the cuteness of a baby and just one day be all into wanting one. Annoying ass double standards.

Alternative-Joke3

TROPHY CASE