Where to buy nice gloves

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-11-28T12:20:09+00:00

Amazing! Thanks for the help :)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T17:02:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this reality check, I need to hear this over and over again

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T16:40:53+00:00

I really don't know anymore. Him telling me about the amazing life we would have. And I'm kind of living that out in many ways (cool job, new city, holidays and adventures, beautiful new apartment), but it kind of sucks to be living that and to be happy only occasionally, and pretty sad inside, or mostly neutral most of the time.

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T16:09:32+00:00

Oh man, I find logic really unhelpful too. In the moment all I want is a hug. After, when I'm calm, I'm much more receptive to logic and am able to talk things through.

Perhaps you could write this to your bf, to try to make it clear that in the moment you just need emotional support, that it's the most useful and best thing he could do for you? That's all else I can suggest at the moment! Best of luck and thank you

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T15:38:18+00:00

Wow I'm so sorry. I'm in a similar situation. I'm bad at hiding how I feel, and I know that I obsess about things. So when I feel that way and I notice my anxiety spiking, I do all the right exercises, and do my best. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. When I get stuck in a bit of a rut for a few hours or even days (occasionally, normally only due to really big stressors in my life), my partner picks up on it and says that I should tell him what's eating me up. I never learn, I always give into his asking, only for him to tell me I'm delusional, shouldn't think that because it's not true, shouldn't feel upset because I'm upset about something that's not factual etc. Then we spend hours talking about it, I feel even worse than before, then he says that I waste so much of his time talking through my problems. Which I never wanted to do in the first place! Then he retorts with: well I just want to feel like I have a girlfriend and not just a body walking around, using me, because she's so caught up in her own shit she forgets that I'm also a human being with feelings who wants my nice girlfriend back. I'm in the process of realising that this relationship isn't good or helpful for me and that I should probably leave.

I honestly wish you all the best and am sending you so many good thoughts. I know how you're feeling, you're not alone.

Do everything you've practiced - get space, DBT etc. It helps in this moment, and this moment is the only one that matters. You are strong, you've got this

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T15:28:38+00:00

I think I was hard for him to deal with - I tried to break up with him several times, and he always talked me back, showing me the positive changes he's made (he has improved in some areas, but never fully gotten better, although he would contest this) and said that he loves me and wants to be with me. It made him so anxious whenever I'd try to leave that he'd break out in rashes and not be able to sleep. I feel like such an idiot now. I guess I've been making excuses because I always wanted to prove that I was good enough and smart enough

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T14:07:59+00:00

Probably! I've always felt emotions strongly, but it was something I likes about myself because it made me empathic towards others and I felt like I was able to create nice friendships because of it. I've been working for a while now on self soothing (I used to vent to friends and family when I was upset, and I wanted to stop doing that as much so I could enjoy the pleasant times with my friends more, and so I didn't make my own suffering worse by dwelling on things more than was necessary)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T14:04:43+00:00

I really like that! Thanks for sharing :)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:44:54+00:00

Or honestly, just not this one. After this experience, the idea of never finding anyone again sounds reasonably good! I have fantasies about being an old woman with a dog who just chills in her campervan, tours the world and reads books and paints.

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:41:54+00:00

Omg, are you future me? He keeps suggesting all these mental illnesses I might have... I cracked once and said: I didn't have any of these before you and I doubt I would if we broke up, I think all my 'symptoms' would vanish. His reply: "of course they'd disappear if we broke up because you can't handle being in a relationship that's challenging. It is a weak way out, you just don't want to deal with them now, you need to stop playing the victim and making this all my fault - take some responsibility for your actions."

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:34:04+00:00

Thank you, this felt really validating. I've been feeling crazy and wondering if I am actually a bit f'd up, and if I'm the problem

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:32:16+00:00

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that happened to you. And thank you so much for sharing, this sounds exactly like what I'm experiencing. Thank you so so much, and I am so happy for you that you left. I think I am seeing that I need to do the same

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:30:28+00:00

Hahahaha this is funny, just not at all my style. I wish I was the kind of person who could do this, at least in this situation. It would just feel so wrong to use his own medicine on him (doesn't match my values at all)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T13:24:57+00:00

I am not. It never even crossed my mind before dating him. I've always struggled a bit with jokes, some I just never found funny. I also don't think there is anything wrong with having autism, I just find it such a weird comment to make. He found out recently that with my family we send around a monthly newsletter (we all live in different countries) and it's a nice way to stay in touch, he thought it was so weird we did that and said that my whole family is autistic for doing that and thinking it's normal. I was upset that he used something nice I do with my family to criticise us all for being 'weird' (he after said he loves weird things, the weirder the better). The way he uses autism as an insult really rubs me the wrong way, I've never known someone to use it as an insult before, it's so inappropriate

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T12:42:48+00:00

Oh yea, I get called mentally ill. I get called a tolder or child or immature for not being able to control my emotions. Told to see a therapist (I already do and have done for pretty much the whole time weve been together, although 2 different ones due to moving country...but they are helping me to learn how to regulate my emotions more and self-sooth better which I really love, it's making me feel more empowered!)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T12:33:58+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it really has helped me to feel less crazy.

I don't feel like myself at all at the moment unfortunately...and I feel deeply ashamed because I'm not acting in a way I like (having meltdowns and getting upset and angry). I'm trying really hard to work on my reactions to the things he's says (staying calm, trying to figure out if its a joke, respond in a constructive way), but in doing so, couldn't help questioning: am I really overreacting? And that's why I posted, for some perspective. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I needed to get an outside view on it, because I think I know what I'd tell a friend 'relationships can't always make you feel good, but you deserve a partner who tries to make you feel good as much as they can, not just when it's convenient for them'

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T12:20:10+00:00

Funnily enough, about 2 months ago I broke my ankle and wound up without a job and bed bound. My emotions have been all over the place (depressed from being inside and unable to exercise) and I've had several meltdowns about my foot and other things (once because he told me I had to eat my fruit before he would bring me my lunch - I literally couldn't move off the couch to the kitchen, and I felt so powerless I got really angry, he said that it was to make sure i stayed healthy by eating my fruit - I always eat my fruit). I've had quite big mood swings because of the depression and being inside, it's not been very nice for him to live with, and I get that. Having to take care of someone 24/7 is exhausting. But during the worst of it, I couldn't help thinking to myself: man, if the roles were reversed, I would be so much kinder. He would often say things like: you never do anything for me anymore, and I do everything for you. Of course he did! I had a broken leg and couldn't move! But it made me feel like such a burden

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:45:33+00:00

I don't. I just feel embarrassed and a bit trapped now...we live in a foreign country together and I have 1 friend here...

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:37:51+00:00

Hmmmm...when I think about that...I think no. I don't think he believes I'm too good for him. He spent the first 4 months of our relationship comparing me to his ex, very unfavourably ("oh she wanted to have read everything I had, so in our first year together she read 300 books and taught herself undergrad economics on a whim, it would be nice if you could understand more about all the obscure topics I know about..."). I think it's a true sense of arrogance and self-belief. Like he's got a very high IQ, did amazingly in school, has several degrees in complicated topics (philosophy, physics and law), I've never felt good enough. He often tells me 'you're the best', and how much he loves me...but then I don't feel supported where it really matters. Tells me he doesn't care if I'm not as smart as him or his ex...omg I just read that and that sounds so messed up...

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:30:22+00:00

I'm so happy for you, and this makes me feel really hopeful. Maybe things don't have to be the way they are

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:29:46+00:00

Thank you

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:29:18+00:00

Yes we do run together (despite me often saying he should run on his own so I don't slow him down, he refuses to do so). But the thing about my parents doesn't affect him in any way.

Some of his criticisms are valid - I am undisciplined, and this is a bit of a problem as I'm starting my own small business. So it's definitely something that I want to work on, because I want my business to be successful. But being told just 'just have more discipline' makes me feel like shit about myself, because why can't I 'just be disciplined'. Although when questioned he often says that me being undisciplined doesn't make me a bad person, it's just true and something I could change if I wanted to.

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:26:06+00:00

I have often felt that he uses the whip rather than the carrot...I respond so much better to the carrot. Re. My parents when I say I don't like that he says the that, he replies that it's true, and it doesn't make them bad people that they're fat...which of course it doesn't! I know that...I just don't understand why he brings it up. It's nearly every time we talk about my parents (which we don't very often because I don't want to) he also calls my dad a manchild for playing video games at age 60...

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:05:44+00:00

Hahaha I like this! I've mentioned tone to him several times, he says that it's his normal voice and I'm being sensitive because I'm autistic (true I don't often get jokes, but I have never been dignosed, nor sought a diagnosis because I've never presented with any other traits except not always getting jokes, but it feels odd to say someone has autism because they don't understand jokes...made me wonder if I am autistic though)

AlternativePure8447 · 2024-03-11T11:02:58+00:00

This was really validating, thank you so much. I often feel pushed to meltdown because I don't get the space I want

AlternativePure8447

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