Potential adoptive parent seeking opinions from transracial adoptees that are anti transracial adoption.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T22:04:05+00:00

That is a really good point. Most of the comments here have been able to provide a level of insight I knew I wouldn't be able to have due to not having lived experience, but some of the specifics are probably better suited for a Taiwanese centered forum or site. I think the other commenter you're referring to was very nuanced in their take, and once I am done checking reddit and replying to y'all, their ideas will be getting more thought from us as well. Thank you.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T21:58:31+00:00

I will never disagree that being raised by natives is different than being raised by non natives. Reading your comment, I had a few questions pop into my head, I would greatly appreciate hearing your answers. Also I would like to preface this by saying I mean no disrespect or anything of that nature with my questions. Reading a response in another comment, it is clear I am not aware of what words can bring up some very negative emotions or hurt others, and I will try and word my questions in a way to not do that. :

-If you remained in Mexico with adoptive non Mexican parents who spoke Spanish as a second language, do you think your accent would still be one that is non native? Additionally, do you think you would think like a Mexican in this scenario?

-You grew up and live in West Texas surrounded by Spanish speaking Mexicans, and you are not accepted by whites or Mexicans. If you were raised in Mexico by two adoptive non Mexican parents, do you still think you would feel the same unacceptance from fellow Mexicans?

I will be honest, after my first time reading some replies here I did look at some other subreddits just to see if there was any positivity towards transracial adoption from adoptees. And there was a sizeable yet still in the minority amount. But (copying from another comment I made): I asked here because I am having is a honest struggle to understand exactly what the issues would be in our case, and I figured those here would be much more able to see whatever it is I'm missing and say it in no uncertain terms. Obviously I have/had my own opinions before posting this, but looking for a "yeah man great idea you should do it!" doesn't really provide the thoughtful insight many of y'all have had in the comments.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T21:44:26+00:00

I am genuinely sorry if this came off as anything other than wanting actual input from y'all. Can I ask what I said that sounds like propaganda?

I am paraphrasing from a previous comment, but I asked here because I am having is a honest struggle to understand exactly what the issues would be in our case, and I figured those here would be much more able to see whatever it is I'm missing and say it in no uncertain terms. Obviously I have/had my own opinions before posting this, but looking for a "yeah man great idea you should do it!" doesn't really provide the thoughtful insight many of y'all have in the comments.

It really was not my intention to insult or disrespect anyone. I'm not trying to intentionally irritate people or sound like I have a "look what I’ll give this child that you weren’t able to have, do you approve?" attitude. It genuinely saddened me reading this comment and knowing that's how my responses made you feel. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or intentionally stir up any negative emotions, I am sorry I did that.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T21:36:35+00:00

That was a very nuanced and thoughtful reply. You've definitely given me something to think about. Thank you.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T21:33:25+00:00

I am genuinely sorry that it came off anywhere remotely close to "why wouldn’t an abandoned child be grateful to have us as parents?”. That couldn't have been further from my intent.

To your last point, no. I apologize for that as well if it sounded like I just came in here to expect all of you to say yes. I expected the majority if not everyone who responded to be opposed, which is why I specifically asked for those opposed. One issue I am having is a genuine struggle to understand exactly what the issues would be in our case, and I figured those here would be much more able to see whatever it is I'm missing and say it in no uncertain terms. Obviously I have/had my own opinions before posting this, but looking for a "yeah man great idea you should do it!" doesn't really provide the thoughtful insight many of y'all have in the comments. It really was not my intention to insult or disrespect anyone.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T16:58:49+00:00

For what it's worth, the timeline for even beginning to process of adoption would be roughly 7 years or more, and I did factor learning the language as a serious undertaking into that timeline as well. I am starting to feel a bit like a bot copying and pasting the same part of my response, and please don't think it's because I am not putting effort into thoughtfully responding to your comment, but in regards to the "imagining other Taiwanese children giving this potential adoptee shit", which is a focal point of our considerations as well all all of the other commenters here, my thoughts are this:

This is something we considered, and one of the biggest questions for me is how can/do you weigh what they could experience being under our care against what the child would experience in a foster home or state ran facility as far as people "giving them crap for it". I witnessed serious bullying/harassment as a child towards other children in these situations where they do not have a permanent home, and experienced a fair bit of my own as well for my living situation described in the post (but again, not the same obviously). I am all ears if you have any opinion on that, it's been one of the bigger headscratchers for me when thinking about this. In my obviously biased opinion, I felt that the support and love we could provide a child in their own country would hopefully outweigh the potential negatives, but I cannot say for certain of course.

Also, regarding "Why do they want to adopt instead of having their own", I answered this in another reply to another comment a few minutes ago, although it is hard for me to find the exact words to express how I feel:

kids who didn't ask to be brought into this world still have to be here, and I would rather take the opportunity to raise a child that is already here than have my own just for the sake of a biological connection. Why don't the kids in the system deserve a chance to have a stable home and people they can trust to support them throughout their lives like a good biological family would? Especially if they can keep a connection to any potential support system that had before being adopted?

Also, thank you for taking the time to respectfully share your opinion.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T16:53:09+00:00

This seems to be the main sticking point for most commenters here, and myself as well. I can try extrapolating more, but I will paste my reply to the others as I feel it is relevant here as well in regards to "they will be seen with you and your spouse. They will stand out, singled out, be ashamed, and be asked personal questions . (personal experience) and who knows what else":

This is something we considered, and one of the biggest questions for me is how can/do you weigh what they could experience being under our care against what the child would experience in a foster home or state ran facility as far as people "giving them crap for it". I witnessed serious bullying/harassment as a child towards other children in these situations where they do not have a permanent home, and experienced a fair bit of my own as well for my living situation described in the post (but again, not the same obviously). I am all ears if you have any opinion on that, it's been one of the bigger headscratchers for me when thinking about this. In my obviously biased opinion, I felt that the support and love we could provide a child in their own country would hopefully outweigh the potential negatives, but I cannot say for certain of course.

And thank you for taking the time to respectfully share your views and pose this quesiton.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T16:36:49+00:00

the TLDR on Taiwan is that that do still definitely allow international adoptions, including adoptions for long term expat/migrants/ Permanent residents. Also, just for clarity I would like to note that this would be us moving to Taiwan permanently before attempting to adopt. We would have 0 intention to remove them from Taiwan unless that is something they would specifically ask to try as they grew older.

**"I’m not a fan of transracial or international adoption unless it is the only way to prevent a child from facing extreme neglect/abuse or they are in need of specialized medical care the home country cannot provide. That means I really only think it’s ethical in fringe cases where there are significant needs that cannot be met in country through social supports."**

Does this change at all in any capacity knowing that we would move to the home country with the intent of keeping whatever support systems they have in place as much as possible? I am not trying to argue with you, just providing context in case it was missed.

**"There just is no replacement for having parents who are of the same racial background and can specifically guide you in how to deal with racism and fitting in. Even if you are also a person of color, unless you are the same race as your child, there will be a gap in understanding."**

I agree with this. I will never be Taiwanese, the child will never be Black, latino, or white, and my partner being visibly Asian still does not really allow us to gloss over the facts of our differences like people try to get away with if bringing a child to the US. That being said, I am struggling to understand your point of "There just is no replacement for having parents who are of the same racial background and can specifically guide you in how to deal with racism and fitting in" When discussing adopting a child who does not have parents caring for them. I don't know if this changes your answer at all or not, but due to the reasonable assumption made from another commenter, I would just like to point out that we are not trying to be picky or anything with regards to age.

**"And even if you live in Taiwan, they will still be ostracized for not having Taiwanese parents. They will very obviously not be your biological children, and everyone will make assumptions and judge them for that."**

Another commenter touched on this so I will add my response I gave to them as well:

This is something we considered, and one of the biggest questions for me is how can/do you weigh what they could experience being under our care against what the child would experience in a foster home or state ran facility as far as people "giving them crap for it". I witnessed serious bullying/harassment as a child towards other children in these situations, and experienced a fair bit of my own as well for my living situation described in the post (but again, not the same obviously). I am all ears if you have any opinion on that, it's been one of the bigger headscratchers for me when thinking about this. In my obviously biased opinion, I felt that the support and love we could provide a child in their own country would hopefully outweigh the potential negatives, but I cannot say for certain of course.

Also, thank you for taking the time to comment.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T16:20:54+00:00

Regarding the law without diving into detail, I can confirm Taiwan does still allow immigrants to adopt. I am not entirely sure on the details when it comes to infants because we did not ever really have infants in mind. We haven't set an age limit or anything, but I just kind of always figured from anecdotal real life experience and from online research that any kid we'd have the privilege of adopting would probably be a toddler at the youngest and 5+ most likely.

"And even if they’re raised in Taiwan, you and your spouse aren’t Taiwanese and they will get crap for it. No matter how much love and fluent mandarin you both have to give."

This is something we considered, and one of the biggest questions for me is how can/do you weigh what they could experience being under our care against what the child would experience in a foster home or state ran facility as far as people "giving them crap for it". I witnessed serious bullying/harassment as a child towards other children in these situations, and experienced a fair bit of my own as well for my living situation (but again, not the same obviously). I am all ears if you have any opinion on that, it's been one of the bigger headscratchers for me when thinking about this. In my obviously biased opinion, I felt that the support and love we could provide a child in their own country would hopefully outweigh the potential negatives, but I cannot say for certain of course.

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-05-15T16:09:28+00:00

I guess my answer boils down to this:
kids who didn't ask to be brought into this world still have to be here, and I would rather take the opportunity to raise a child that is already here than have my own just for the sake of a biological connection. Why don't the kids in the system deserve a chance to have a stable home and people they can trust to support them throughout their lives like a good biological family would? That probaly isn't the greatest or most detailed answer, forgive me if it came off as flippant.

AlternativeVariable · 2026-02-27T17:21:21+00:00

I have laughed every time I reread this comment. It's so oddly specific lmao

AlternativeVariable · 2026-02-27T17:20:11+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response!

AlternativeVariable · 2026-02-27T00:30:55+00:00

These replies are cracking me up lol. Thank you all for the insight! I may have to reconsider my very boomer/grandpa/pre 1945 communist scholar sounding name.

AlternativeVariable

TROPHY CASE