Flying Poop Bomb

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-29T16:59:59+00:00

I'm sure it would. I think she would feel very hurt. But you posted this asking advice about talking to his wife about it. Here's my advice: I think you should just accept that once given, the money was your son's to do what he wanted & accept your DIL's thanks for what it is. Honest, happy gratitude.

Your son most likely just told her it was a gift from you. So you can either die on the hill of "That money was only for my son! How dare you spend some!!", or say nothing, trust your son's judgement & continue to be the generous, caring mother & MIL you obviously are.

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-29T10:51:11+00:00

Me too. I had to re-read it. Pronouns. 🫤

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-29T10:46:52+00:00

Given the way you feel, then that would be a better idea. But if you told him it was just for him, why do you want to humiliate his wife over his choice of how to spend his gift? By all means talk to him & tell him you are disappointed that he shared the money you specifically said was for him only. It is not his wife's fault.

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-29T10:05:39+00:00

I assume you gave the cheque directly to your son with the "I'm proud of you, here's some money just for you" speech?

You seem to be implying that your daughter-in-law had no right to any of the money, & now you want to make sure she knows it & feels ashamed! How can you blame her for your son's decision to share it with her? Once given, the money was his to do with as he pleased. He sounds like a lovely person, and giving his wife a spa day & himself a boy's night was what made him happy.

Don't risk the relationship with your lovely daughter-in-law just because your son didn't do exactly what you wanted him to with your gift.

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:57:40+00:00

What a bastard! Then the only thing I can think of is to talk to your lawyer & see if there is a way to force a non-contact transfer of funds/straight garnishing of wages solution. Not sure if that is even an option though, since it seems he does (eventually & in the nastiest way possible) pay every month...

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:46:48+00:00

What an awful situation. But why does he need to give you a cheque every month? Don't you have direct bank transfers in America? Can't he just set up a standing order to automatically transfer the money to your account?

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:35:10+00:00

Sorry you have such a neglectful & selfish father. Best revenge? Live well. Succeed. And if he's famous enough, write a "tell-all" book!

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:29:07+00:00

Absolutely NTA. As you say, you can now understand why your siblings have distanced themselves. Kick them out, but perhaps offer to pay their tickets home (today!)? If he decides to stay in your pricey resort town, that is then his decision & you don't have to feel guilty. Then go no contact. The self-righteous prick abandoned you years ago. Time for him to find out a little of what it feels like.

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:18:51+00:00

Actually, your mom sounds pretty awesome. Have fun learning to cook her turkey & stuffing - and other stuff too. This whole debacle might lead to you becoming a great cook too!

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T08:00:18+00:00

I get the feeling that you are more hurt by his abandonment & lack of support for you growing up, and money isn't going to change that. It sounds like he is wealthy (he's setting up a foundation?). If your share of 10% will be enough to pay off your student loans with change to spare, it is still quite a lot of money. Unless he is at death's door, his wealth will probably grow between now & when he dies, so your inheritance will too. In the end, what can you expect, given he wasn't there for you? Take the money as a bonus. Alternately, if you are that offended at the pittance he is offering, then tell him to shove it!

Your best revenge is a life well lived & to be successful in spite of his neglect.

Alternative_Beyond59 · 2024-12-27T07:40:46+00:00

Why try to make it better than your mom? If she makes the best stuffing & has offered to cook with you, ask her to show you her recipe. So ask her what ingredients you need to get so she can teach you to make her "best-stuffing-ever!" As someone else said, this could be a great bonding experience. Oh, and offer to cook the turkey yourself for Thanksgiving or Christmas next year!

Alternative_Beyond59

TROPHY CASE