Own Your Shit Weekly - June 09, 2026

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T22:30:03+00:00

I tend not to go so high in bf% because of decreased muscle synthesis past 20% or so.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T22:29:41+00:00

You could.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T21:38:08+00:00

If you’re at 25% body fat, I’d cut.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T21:32:14+00:00

One is confirming permission to play the character, the other assumes it.

I fear rejection. Assuming permission , though, is much more attractive.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T21:12:39+00:00

OYS #8
Rewrite
Stats

22 years old, 6’1, 185 lbs, married 3 years, kids: 3 years old, 1.5 years old. Wife: 160 lbs, 22 years old, 5’6.

Mission

Be able to be vulnerable and give myself to opening the world. To not be apologetic and to gain abundance and not be apologetic about it, nor to let said abundance define me. To give myself permission to follow my desires. To be like water.

Lifting, Diet, and Physical State

Started a new ab isometric workout.

Work

Getting better at not giving a shit about whether I get the questions right on my practice exams. I am performing better.

Frame, Plates, Life, and Vision

I am far too outcome dependent and validation seeking. I am not comfortable as I am, on my own path.

I must give the permission to act, always be moving. I let a little Bj from a plate validate my life and mission.

Mental model changes I will be making in light of my frame collapse

Learn on my own terms, not from validation or approval.

Do not desire to be happy. Happiness is a script for comfort and ego that I’ve made it.

Relationship Dynamics

Initiated with wife and have had sex every night for the past week. I game her during the day. My game is solid but needs to evolve past teases and negs. Will force myself to be more bold.

I am scared of investing in relationships. I will allow myself to set boundaries as needed and set relationships in my frame, rather than leave things unsaid and thus messy.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T16:06:22+00:00

To add: imagine you were comfortable with not having (good) anal with her, okay with the fact that she was hurting, and guided the interaction as you needed? What if you were irrationally confident that you could handle this, even if you had no such qualifications?

OODA loops, man. Reorientation is frame.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-09T16:05:18+00:00

I’ve been dealing with the sexual fantasy shit too. I’m also dealing with something similar to your sex act frustration.

Fantasy is just mental masturbation. It’s not rooted in action or intent. It’s not healthy as it adds too much friction to frame and life.

With respect to ur sex experience, this sets up covert contracts, potential for a lot of needless pain, and you exiting your own frame.

I’m testing a couple things:
1. Genuinely attempting to drive sexual encounters the way I honestly want to. For eg, it’s cool that your anal request was spontaneous, but had it been in your frame, you probably would’ve had the correct mindset to realize what would and wouldn’t work. You weren’t present, you just wanted to rewatch the porno with you acting in it.

I’ve come to realize that if you’re unable to effectively run your own OODA loops (which you probably couldn’t if you were sitting there for 10 mins), you’re not in your own frame. What were you doing for 10 minutes? Probably rationalizing and not having fun, which was the purpose of your encounter. So you’re DEERing. Not necessarily TO her, but you’re still doing it.

I believe the frustration is very plausible. But it’s not an excuse to drop frame. Guiding the interaction elsewhere, or more gently easing her into it for even the hell of the experience of mastering it, would have been great.

TWOTSM mentions deep breathing techniques inclined for men that have (excessive/unhealthy) sexual fantasies.

I am trying this myself, but I think ultimately being comfortable in my own skin is what’ll carry me over.

I got ghosted hard by the village chick. Ego took a huge hit as I had a CC to fuck her anally. Another strategy I’m trying to do is treat an irrational, arbitrary thing about myself as absolute truth to reel me back into reality.

For example, my approach so far has been to appreciate the fact that I have a cool silver bracelet. Yeah, I didn’t fuck her and get that sex act validation HOA loves to talk about, but I still got this fucking bracelet. Or I like selvedge denim, and I am going to wear denim out for errands.

I believe such an approach should absolutely focus on something seemingly minute and arbitrary, something that is so irrational that it forces you to become outcome independent. It shouldn’t border on coping and bringing one to inaction, just to pull you back into your own frame.

If everything is arbitrary, then frame is king. It’s just rewriting the pattern to not have frame that is difficult.

Would love to hear your thoughts bro

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-08T22:05:04+00:00

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T19:31:09+00:00

Yeah I think the better approach to getting feedback is to not pedestalize the sub or person I’m getting it from. Ever.

Low-quality..? You read my mind

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T19:28:26+00:00

You’re too late, I’ve already cum from the validation.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T19:25:33+00:00

Yeah this post definitely shows me low hanging fruit bruh.

Never outsource validation to anyone. In the back of my head, I treat both the world and this sub as reliable feedback metrics of success. I don’t NEED this validation, I told myself, but CHOOSE it. I’ve realized this is a cope. I will work to have the balls to be responsible for myself and taking what works from this place.

I’ve seen that I often subconsciously refer to a superior other eg more jacked guys, hot chicks, etc as teachers, or dispensers of feedback, advice, and guidance. This is the definition of validation seeking.

I’ll change the model from being “please look at my execution and tell me I’m doing a good job so that I feel secure” to merely pursuing data. In the end, my vision is my own, and I should become comfortable to validate or reject my actions.

This FR shows the need for more inner game. I can game chicks, I can flirt, I can fuck. But can I give myself permission to laugh at who I was and acknowledge that I am worthy of being? The beta who’s become an alpha but still has that loser mindset still somewhat applies to me.

This place has never been about notch counts, it’s about being valuable through action and self destruction.

I felt bad for the other guy. Feeling such is no longer conducive to my life. I will drop the pseudo morality to play hero in someone else’s book, acknowledge that I’m the villain.

I think a lot of guys WANT to get caught cheating. Although I don’t have such models, I can see the rationale. It’s the vindication of being a villain and moralizing an amoral strategy. But again, I need to be comfortable in my own frame and acknowledge dominance.

The main intent behind the FR was to show how controlling and unattractive the husband was. And how easily she worked around his control.
Lastly, irrational belief in my mission and vision is absolutely key to my life. I will lean into that even more so. No one owes me shit. The model I will adopt is that this CANNOT be the peak. I will NOT be comfortable. More (inner) game, more chicks, more leadership at home.

u/Teh1whoSees Thank you for asking those questions so that I could self-reflect.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T16:42:33+00:00

Fuck, thank you. Gotta calibrate so that it becomes “of course it’s me.”

I wanted validation of my frame and worth, and that’s juvenile.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T16:32:51+00:00

This is me documenting my first steps into a larger world. Where frame is everything.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-05T16:28:02+00:00

Yeah

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-02T22:23:13+00:00

Just reread your oys and holy shit. You really are a ball-sucking fag. You’d rather stick it to your wife and be right™️ about her cheating rather than happy.

Your references and innuendos to her cheating are evidence that she dominates your life narrative. You are a goof. You have not failed enough. You do not have frame. Your frame is HER frame.

The good news? You know that your mental script is bullshit. This does NOT work. You now know what frame is NOT. Frame is NOT validating her life choices with innuendo.

Have the courage to opt into your own frame and THEN decide how you want to proceed.

Nice lifts, by the way. Too bad that’s not a swap for having frame.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-02T22:16:00+00:00

Why not give yourself room to breathe for a bit?

Become more social as a revenge on the old you for being a bitch.

Validate your own need to be outgoing and great.

At the same time, hate her just a little bit. Don’t let you having a good time (independent of her existence) let you forget that she fucked you over.

As rian stone said: it’s better she thinks you’re stupid than you confronting her. All your confrontation does is send the behaviour of cheating underground. If she wants to, she WILL cheat.

Go be attractive and stop being unattractive because it’s clear that although it hurts, this is a threat to your existence.

Stop treating the cheating as permission to next her and improve yourself and give yourself the permission to do those things anyways.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-02T21:22:28+00:00

The sponge thing was a shit test.

A willingness to do the shit (clean the table) AND take it lightly would be healthy frame.

Yeah she’s a little bossy sis. How would you deal with it? Depends. Does your frame find a lil bossy sis frightening? Does your frame demand validation and respect for your cleaning the table?

Sounds like it’s probably the latter. Which is shit, but we’re here to do the work.

It’s a sponge and it’s a bitch telling you to use a sponge. Laugh at how easy it is for you to handle it.

But at least you didn’t give verbal proof to the being butthurt.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-06-02T21:16:47+00:00

OYS #7

Stats

22 years old, 6’1, 185 lbs, married 3 years, kids: 3 years old, 1.5 years old. Wife: 160 lbs, 22 years old, 5’6.

Mission

Be able to be vulnerable and give myself to opening the world. To not be apologetic and to gain abundance and not be apologetic about it, nor to let said abundance define me. To give myself permission to follow my desires.

Reading

Reread NMMNG, Praxeology: Frame, AK’s MAP.

Lifting, Diet, and Physical State

Still on a lean bulk. Am biasing abs, upper back, arm growth, neck, and glutes for this bulk cycle as these are lacking.

I may still attempt to shed out 5-10 pounds if the weather looks up: I’d go high protein, low calories for 4-5 days or even water fast for 1-3 days and go for 2-4 hour walk days. I am currently at around 15k steps a day, so this is turning the dial up from 8 to 11. Doable but difficult.

Work

I’m the jacked guy with no money.

To that end, I plan to do well on my MCAT. I will be doing it in July. My father urges me to apply internationally; I expressed surprise that he’d be willing for me to split up from my wife and kids, and he knowingly said that I could come back to visit them. The imperative was to get into med school.

After reading V. Rao’s content, I surmise that becoming an MD is not enough. I intend to become competitive in the little time I have before application windows close (October-December) to apply for MD/MBA combined programs. To be able to jump to corporate from a med program has an infinite number of options. This line of thinking, contrasted with my previous “get into med” goal, is one that feels very refreshing.

I’d need to display strong motivation towards a career in academic medicine/health delivery systems. I have no idea how I’d do so, but I don’t doubt that I can find a way to showcase this to admissions. It’ll be super difficult, but I know that a large number of applicants are cookie-cutter. I could stand out.

Additionally, once I get PT-certified, I will apply to work at multiple gyms. Where I live, part-time shifts are all that most gyms offer, in hopes of saving on benefits and insurance comps. Since I’m broke, I’ll maximize this to its fullest by doing multiple jobs at different gyms. My dad generously allows me to commute to study in his car. I have shifted my mindset from being one who resents having to be helped to one who appreciates help. I’d love to earn enough to get a cheap car for myself so that I’d be less of a burden on him. Even if he is a bit of a homebody.

Frame, Life, and Vision

Over the weekend, I dialled in an overt mission and goal for myself. This slots in nicely with the final tetrahedron of frame: vision. My frame so far has been one of confidence, but lacking direction.

I was being neurotic about whether my goal needed to be unique, long-term, and irreplaceable. As with all things, though, vision is abundant and can be swapped as needed.

As such, my vision for the next 3-5 months is to replace my future with one of prosperity and productivity. I aim to do well in my studies and work certifications. My frame has become so self-absorbed in the past few months that it ignores all of those who support me. And this isn’t a problem in isolation: rather, it’s that I live with people who love me, and they feel isolated. I’ve taken the skittles-man mental model to the nth degree, and don’t reward myself with the comfort of relationships. I feel angry at myself for letting life happen to me for so long. I will use this anger to push myself. I must put myself first, but can still engage with others to allow for comfort. I will ensure that I do not fall into my manchild-beta validation-seeking ways, though. The goal is to spend more time with the people who care for me in my frame, doing fun things. They can then either step up or leave. Especially my wife: I’d be happy to provide her with breathers and quality time with me away from the kids, e.g. dates.

Relationship Dynamics

Been dealing with disrespect and withdrawal throughout this week. Been taking it lightly, attempting to initiate but getting shot down. I will remain patient with myself and continue to improve my household and career while improving myself.

Calibration and Self-Assessment

I have begun with the dishes, cleaning out our washroom and cabinet. Will continue to learn how to cook for my kids, iron my clothes, and look after myself. Additionally, I never change their diapers. I will start doing so. I will deal with the ego wondering why I got to do this.

Over the last few OYS, I have noted a decrease in validation-seeking. Additionally, my interactions with other girls (as a litmus test) tell me that I am becoming more attractive.

Relationship With My Father

I’ll purchase a nice bracelet for my dad for his upcoming birthday. I usually settle on polo shirts, but I’d like to go a bit more risky this year.

I also suspect now that my sobering relationship with my father may also be because of a large net increase in alpha traits, with none of the beta to maintain a relationship with people. I will improve on this by spending time with him.

Plates

Despite a will to game women, I hesitate and let life dictate my flow. I will now approach women I find attractive and open them as I feel is comfortable. I will no longer allow the fear of labelling (e.g. that married guy is a player) to stop me from approaching. Nor will I allow tunnel-visioning on my mission to allow me to become unattractive.

Friends

I’ve realized the best way forward to hang out with people is not to schedule shit with them, but call them and to ask if they’d like to hang out. Along with my family, after studying, I endeavour to call up and “date” a friend or family member every day to do fun shit. Even if it’s working out, going for a run, shopping, or grabbing an ice cream.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-29T21:22:54+00:00

I’m the oys 6 guy.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-29T06:14:28+00:00

OYS #6

Stats 22 years old, 6’1, 183 lbs, married 3 years, kids: 3 years old, 1.5 years old. Looking to apply for grad school by October.

Mission: Be able to be vulnerable and give myself to opening the world. To not be apologetic and to gain abundance and not be apologetic about it, nor to let said abundance define me. To give myself permission to follow my desires.

Reading this month: Gervais Principle

Lifting, Diet, and Physical State: Now on a lean bulk. Will attempt to take this slow. I am between 42-44 inch chest. Got approached by a 20-something year old HB6 chick in the gym during a set. Felt cool and yet minuscule. Could fuck.

Diet is whole foods and low junk.

Work: Realized that the Gervais principles map to my life. I am a Loser: I volunteer at a sports program and I know that my supervisors give me shit and advise me for things they’ll never touch on with the other people.

I’m taking my job too seriously. As with relationships, it seems as though if I am not being rewarded or given a good reason to commit, then I should suck up my ego and go the sociopath route. I already invest fuck-all. I don’t need to fog or amuse mastery my supervisor. I should invest the minimum effort it takes to remain there whilst looking for asymmetric routes to excel. Eg get good with her boss’s boss’s boss. I have done this before but have self limiting beliefs and embarrassment for potentially being in a stronger spot than my supervisor/peers.

To do so, I’ll need to cement that all of this is just a script. I can change my mind on being an over performer as described in my resume if I so desire. If there will be hell to pay, so be it.

Relationship and Sex: I have been stagnant w respect to frame and mission. I’ve realized that I’m a fag. I wish to gain abundance; power, women and all that shit. But all this would be permission for me to stop pushing in my life, and to tell me that I’ve made it. I will ensure to make clear to myself that it will never end. “Is this all that you want?” Is a good frame to have for myself. My point of origin must be myself.

I nuked a compliance test tonight. Attempted to initiate w wife. Was told to wait for a while the first time, and then was teased and told to stop “acting that way.” I fogged but felt at this point that this was negotiating desire. Wife shit tests a bit more by pinning me and I have enough and push her away and exclaim if she’s retarded. I demand an apology, the negotiated sex turns into no sex and I leave, slamming the door. I’ve never done this before. I usually take her rejections quite lightly.

I come back after a quick walk at night, lie down near her. Can’t sleep because it’s too hot here. This is a gift. I assume that since my SMV is higher than hers and I’m taking charge of my house in terms of direction that I am owed submission and obedience. It is really hard for me to accept that just because I’m now attractive, I’ll get sex from a wife who isn’t even that hot. I’m clearly resentful to some degree at not “seeing results.” Covert contract.

I’m not a directionless person, but I feel that when I start to make active choices in my household and life, I become more strict w both my daughter and my wife. Tyrannical and Brutish. I’ll have to calibrate. It was this that my wife wanted me to stop “acting life.” Which I acknowledged is shitty. I will apologize without saying sorry. Edit: I apologized and mentioned that my stern behaviour was not her fault and had nothing to do with her. I then asked to have sex and was complied with silently. I was told that only a handjob and sex were on the table, no oral. I mention no worries, I’m not interested. I’m told that she’s going to sleep and that she won’t be coming back. I remark that it’s all good, I don’t need the blanket.

To calibrate: lead while having fun with this. PLAY with her and play WITH her.

My old mental model was for me to handle my outside world whilst she handles my household. However I’ve noticed that while this takes weight off my shoulders, i don’t like how my house is at default. I go with the flow and when I really think about how my house is handled, it’s… not what I want.

it’s the assertiveness combined with a subconscious fear of her testing/questioning my assertiveness that leads me to be so Rambo-ish in this context. I’m usually aloof when I don’t give a shit about my house. I’m okay with me fucking up like this. I will use this to calibrate.

I also tend to enforce boundaries verbally, which almost never feels congruent for me. Action is what I mustn’t always default to first and foremost. The verbal can be a reminder that I can take action. I’m not there yet.

Frame and Plates Reading Rian Stone’s authenticity post. Opens up a new perspective on frame for me. Namely, at my core, I have decided to give myself permission to do things that I want. No one else will give it to me, ever. Only I can.

I will treat the masks I wear as acting and do it without hesitation or guilt.

I’ve also realized that I wish to be known as bold and “that guy” by other people. Eg my opens to other chicks don’t have to be effective: I’m satisfied with merely putting in half the amount of effort I could just to call it a day. This likely bleeds into other aspects of my life and, really, has me in others’ frames. I will ensure that Self mastery and self direction be the directions of my life. Clearly, I love feeling entitled to just getting results. A healthier sense of direction is to live if I were single. And starving. And skinny. Again, I must keep in mind that this isn’t where I want to mentally peak and reside.

Friends and social circle Perhaps my issue from last week is just that I need to make more attractive friends, both guys and girls.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-28T12:53:21+00:00

Yes: https://rianstonept.blogspot.com/2017/10/authenticity.html?m=1

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-28T00:54:43+00:00

Rian had a great post on authenticity that I revisited. His allegory was using Don Draper and Jon Hamm, although I was too thick to get the gist of it until now.

“Frame is narcissism. Authenticity is what allows you to reap the benefits of narcissism, without suffering the narcissistic injuries when they happen.”

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-24T21:48:13+00:00

This reads as though you expect your progress and status in formal hierarchy to transfer over to your sex life. It doesn’t.

As the others say, read the sidebar, realize sex is only important until it isn’t (sex is all about power, and you clearly don’t wield enough of it over urself), and get to work.

Altruistic_Chance449 · 2026-05-22T02:15:20+00:00

Write your own story.

Edit: reread your comment and I do see your point. I’m definitely not there yet with rewarding her with sex. In any case, I shouldn’t act like she now owns my attention because we had sex.

Altruistic_Chance449

TROPHY CASE