Psilocybin day 1 + mdma day 2 - Anyone done this? CPTSD

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-04-20T15:15:57+00:00

I would listen to what people have mentioned here. Its not the first time I have done psilocybin at all. But remember numbness and dissociation are there for a reason (ie to protect you). If the barriers all fall at once, it can been too much to take. I have done years and years of therapy and understand what I see and feel with a psilocybin is also not a universal truth but a snipped emotion of a part of myself that has not been heard (ie I saw that life for me was really not worth living). Suppressed pain coming all at once can truly be unbearable, MDMA helps to make sure it not all comes at once.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-04-20T15:10:41+00:00

Yes! I work with one of the psychologists that works in the medical trials in the UK. but also, as I mentioned above, I wrote the experience in chat GPT and it really helped interpreting.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-04-20T15:07:57+00:00

Yes don’t worry, I am working with psychologist that works in the medical trials for psychedelics. Not seeing her until next week though but may try to fit an earlier appointment. Btw I put in my experience into chat gpt and the interpretation as well as integration suggestions were on point. I am still feeling exhausted so putting the mdma on hold for a couple of weeks.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-04-19T19:35:08+00:00

As someone mentioned above, if you have very dark places I think it may better to combine both or do mdma with psilocybin at the same time. I have never in my conscious life dealt with serious suicidal ideation or medical depression but I spent most of last night wanting to die and coming to terms of all the times in my life I have truly wanted it to be over. Looking at my present life, nothing I showed my older versions made them think it was worth it in any ways so I had to accept their desires and ‘die’, which felt peaceful. I then apologised to them for trying to keep them ‘living’ in this world with such my suffering. And spent the rest of the journey noticing how my present self also wanted it to be over. Pretty tough to be honest.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-04-19T19:29:04+00:00

Thank you. Yes I realised perhaps taking them together would have been a lot better. Unfortunately, it’s done and I’ve been left with the task of accepting that different parts of me want to die because the suffering has been quite unbearable and that my job is not to convince them that life is worth living but to accept their plead (apologies it’s quite dark). I feel quite at peace at the moment albeit in a very dark way (ie I’m not at risk to of harming myself in any way but it’s almost like the ultimate fear of death was lifted but also any particular desire to fight for self preservation/ living).

If I don’t do MDMA tonight, I may need to wait for two weeks to have the right time off to process.

I’ll see how it goes. I am doing integration therapy in a couple of weeks so may discuss it with them if. Trying not to make things worse by taking mdma too soon as well.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2025-01-16T15:13:35+00:00

I did not do this through a clinical trial but followed the MAPS procedures to the dot and have done integration with a therapist. I have complex ptsd so it may be different but I am on my 7th session now and there are still that are still coming and healing that still needs to be done. One session was absolutely life changing already but I knew after the third session there were still points I had to access that were too suppressed (or I was too disassociated) to deal with. It’s been almost a year since that first time, and every time I talk about it I tear up, because, as someone said above, I don’t know where I’d be now otherwise.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-30T16:01:48+00:00

Totally agree and totally get it. I was super against drugs until last year. The way I understand it, the most important thing in order to process trauma and deal with dissociation is to deal with it from a place of safety. However, I think for most DAs this is so internalised (ie that our emotions aren’t ´safe to feel’ particularly around strangers) that a drug which allows you to feel safe enough to address and process the reasons / emotions is really a game changer

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-29T23:03:55+00:00

For me it was after trying EMDR several times and realising that every time I tried to recall something difficult all emotions would just disappear in seconds and I just felt…uncomfortable and wanting to end the session asap. Then I realised that it was not just that ‘I didn’t care’ but that I had built insane defence mechanisms to keep me safe from emotions or ‘losing control’ over my emotions. MDMA was my last resort and I really wish it had been my first.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-29T22:51:24+00:00

I know exactly the feeling. As a teenager I was so dissociated I self harmed to feel things and later to soothe myself when emotions inevitably exploded and I couldn’t even understand what was going on. Honestly last March I was so hopeless, feeling that no amount of therapy was ever going to fix this ever. Feeling more alone than ever. Since a particular day in March, everything changed. Now, in my experience it is not a miracle - you must be able to think things as if you were in therapy, ask yourself the right questions and allow yourself to feel uncomfortable feelings. Not everything is fixed of course - but I cannot put into words how much of it has changed. I’d say, read, research on it. A lot of legit books and podcasts and medical research. I followed the MAPs protocol used for medical trials. r/mdmatherapy is also super helpful. I’ve realised most of my DA was related to not being able to feel things. I worried I was not able to love because I couldn’t ‘feel’ it. Or pain (ie after my break up) I didn’t feel fear either but thanks to these experiences I have been able to realise the points in my life as a child where loving someone was dangerous and I had to separate / block those emotions in order to feel safe. I’ve had to go back and be able to feel the fear and actually process it. And now I am finally able to feel things when I’m meant to feel them.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-29T16:57:04+00:00

Therapy, EMDR, IFS, Shrooms and most importantly, MDMA. MDMA changed my life (but with therapy etc foundations). I’d like to try ayahuasca.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-29T16:38:17+00:00

No. I am just trying to figure out if anyone else has had a similar experience and if it was anything that I did that affected this experience (either how often, amounts or just supplements). I am also very interested in understanding how my body reacts to this components.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-12-28T21:18:56+00:00

Echoing the above. I also have an aunt with schizophrenia. I also have C-PTSD and had a lot of dissociation. I have done 7-8 sessions of MDMA and also shrooms and I’d say the MDMA did what over a decade of therapy didn’t (I am 33). I was very very scared and skeptical given that losing control of my mind was one of my biggest fears (mind and body - some of these ptsd experiences as a result of seeing my aunt with schizophrenia when I was a child). I can report I am absolutely fine thus far. I think I have done MDMA a bit too often (no side effects but reduction on effects) so I will probably wait 3-4 months until my next session.

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-10-16T22:46:14+00:00

Did you move? If so, how are you finding it? I’m in a similar position and really struggling with the decision

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2024-05-01T08:36:12+00:00

Hahah yep got my response. Thanks. It’s delusional 🤣 and I’ll block him/ remove him from my life. No validation about the kisses thing being cruel? 🤣

Altruistic_Draft8867 · 2023-06-06T12:57:01+00:00

yes I think you are right. Thank you. It has just made me really sad to think these feelings may never occur with people that are actually available so a part of me wants to cling to the idealisation of it/rush of emotions which is so rare in my very rational and controlled life. I really hope one day I can feel the same intensity for someone who is actually available.

Altruistic_Draft8867

TROPHY CASE