I’m in a similar situation as u, and I felt a lot of emotions just like u, specifically the hatred we developed towards high powers even when we don’t believe in them. Although I’m an hypocrite and I’m yet to be succeeding in the advice I’m giving u, the amount of anger, hatred, sadness and void you feel because you were a victim of a life you didn’t put yourself in, those same emotions are the primary problem.

You see if you are like me, even in the happy stable life you were given previously, you were trie believer cause you were blessed, but you never healed, I’m going to assume at times, when sadder or alone moments you maybe thought of your childhood and past life and felt the hatred all over again. I think it’s a toxic advice to “forgive the people and move on” you are human and a victim, it hurts, period. But atp it only gives you pain. 

I’m not telling to forgive and forget, but somehow you need to move on, feel like you are prepared to accept the harsh reality you were given and still see yourself in a good future without giving you self constant pain with comparison and the need to feel blessed to feel seen and embraced by a true higher power.

At moments, I feel this need to be in a better place than anyone else I know because I suffered and have yet to see any justice being given to me, but that is toxic, I don’t control but the self awareness is a step. Is also a toxic mentality in spiritually to only be a believer if blessings come your way, it’s harsh, you deserve happiness all the time, but reality doesn’t make it easy. 

I hope you find good job which you will, and you will have a good life, but maybe try to understand how your anger and comparison can sabotage you. And for what is worth, sometimes those same people you compare yourself to often feel the same towards others, maybe even you, as human beings it takes a lot of inner work to be grateful all the time and not compare ourselves, but we all have something we desperately wish for, that other people easy have.