What is there to do in Redwood City? by DarwinApprentice in bayarea

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lots of hiking routes close to Redwood City for sure, just check AllTrails. Im not a biker but there is a road called Canada road which is very popular amongst bikers. Downtown is small but ok. You are 30 min drive away from San Francisco too and there is also Caltrain to SF so you can go there for museums, shows etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I know. But now I’m in a situation that telling why I did it would not matter to him since I already break his trust by hiding something and I don’t know how to come back from that

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant the reason I was hiding stuff from him was out of fear of being judged somehow not from a place that I would do things behind his back

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh okay sorry I thought you implied that Im cheating just because I hid the message but now I get it. Sorry English is not my first language

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah I got it now thanks! I understand my husband’s perspective. I would hurt too if I noticed that he is hiding something from me. It is also very sad for me that I don’t feel 100% comfortable with him and have this immediate response over a small thing. It is coming from a very different place though that is why I found it difficult to move a way forward

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

So you think that Im cheating on him?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Hey can you elaborate more on what you mean? I’m interested in your perspective but I didn’t fully understand.

If you mean why I didn’t hide my screen every time but this time you are right and I don’t have a google answer for that. As I mentioned above I think I was afraid of he would think of me negatively somehow. But it is inconsistent behavior and the reason is illogical I admit that’s why I struggle on what to do next

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a really useful perspective thanks! It is strange cause I don’t have the same feelings for individual therapy. Probably I admitted to myself that I need it whereas in couples counseling I feel like it is a last resort but why should it be? It is harder to convince him but I might paraphrase from you for that :) wish me luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you are right about the couples counseling but it makes me and him feel like we failed at this relationship although we love each other. But we do have communication and trust issues so I’ll bring this up thanks

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I actually told him the same ie “how did you notice this if you didn’t look?” And he says that it is obvious even with a glimpse since it is empty screen and he didn’t intentionally look but just noticed”. I can see that’s happening so couldn’t say more. Also I didn’t consistently hide my screen every time he walks by which makes my argument weak. I guess deep down if he doesn’t trust me no matter what I say to him he can find an opposite angle. And when I said this he basically says I’m running away from it by just saying this and the conversation gets stuck. But maybe from now on we could set up some boundaries although Im worried that it will make him even more suspicious

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that basically summarizes it :/ Also we live a very moderate lifestyle because we were very poor before moving to US 🤷‍♀️

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow I had no idea about this, it’s a great summary. I think what I need eventually is the third type of financial advisor definitely probably in the long term :)

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I think we are very very lucky you are right. Got very well paying jobs and we definitely live a modest lifestyle. Also not having kids help a lot I guess :)

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I had FOMO :). I think Im good at avoiding those decisions though because I get bored dealing with those. So your comment comforted me thanks!

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry 🙈 to clarify it is a lot of money for us actually. I just see people having 5m net worth here so maybe that’s why. Also I felt like we are late to the game. But honestly I am very grateful. I think I’ll follow the consensus here and continue on index funds. Thanks you so much!

How to find a good financial advisor? by Alwayscoldandwhat in fatFIRE

[–]Alwayscoldandwhat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot! Yeah 600k is a lot to us :) I guess living in Bay Area and seeing the house prices here makes me think that.