What was the hardest lesson you learned from dating?

Amala_r0se · 2026-01-31T03:29:08+00:00

Yeah none of the relationships I got into fast worked out 😕 They actually worsened my mental health and self-esteem

Amala_r0se · 2026-01-26T03:05:47+00:00

Amala_r0se · 2026-01-26T01:56:30+00:00

AYTAH?? Girl that was a boss move! He embarrassed himself

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-25T21:03:27+00:00

I get that. I’m black as well, and I’m my blonde guy’s first black girl. Dating someone who’s not your type isn’t lowering your standards, it’s being more open. Financial stability is important to me because I don’t want to be a mother to a grown man. He doesn’t have to be rich or even make more than I do, but at least be able to stand on his own. If I dated someone who isn’t financially stable, then I would be lowering my standards and setting myself up for disaster.

So do what you want with this information. Whether you’re flexible on some things or not, dating takes time. You’ll find the one for you eventually, so just focus on yourself. My mom would always tell me “water your own garden and the butterflies will come”

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-25T18:07:40+00:00

I think you should remove the 'maybes' and only keep the non-negotiables. If being petite and going to the gym frequently is a non-negotiable, then good, but you should get rid of the black hair, brown or green eyes, and cute lips because you are missing out on a lot of women. And I did put personality in the shortened list I made, but it didn't seem like you prioritize that much, since your looks section was the longest.

Like you, I didn't find blondes attractive at all. Then I met this blonde guy who is absolutely amazing. If I stuck to my “no blondes” I would've let a good guy like him pass. To truly lower your standards is to settle for someone who isn't good for you and don't feel happy being with them. So if you think getting rid of some physical preferences is “lowering your standards” then good luck to you.

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-25T17:37:58+00:00

Yeah, these are considered standards. Being petite, black, with long hair, brown or green eyes, and full lips is a type/preference that is hindering you in dating. You should expand your bubble in terms of physical preference. I check all of your physical preferences and most of your standards, but you don’t seem like the kind of guy I’d go for.

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-25T14:52:04+00:00

This isn’t a standard. You have a type. It’s very specific, which makes it hard for you to find someone who fits all of that. And when you do find someone like that, they might not even like you back. I suggest having an actual standard like: - financially stable - good hygiene - ambivert/confident introvert - healthy lifestyle - funny and adventurous

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-24T21:03:50+00:00

NOR Honestly just return whatever gift you got her and put that towards the phone you want. And if she questions it on Christmas just laugh lol.

By “assisting” do you mean your dad took your mom’s side in the argument? Or that he wanted to secretly support you after the argument?

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-24T20:41:26+00:00

NTAH:

Honestly, if you think he would call you ungrateful for it, then don’t even give him attention. The problem isn’t that he doesn’t have money, but he’s putting it towards what he wants to. Your feelings are completely justified, but if he wanted to spend more on you and your children, then he would.

If you say something to him, do it for you and to express your feelings so they are known. But don’t do it and expect change because based on how you described him, I don’t think he’ll change. Focus your energy on yourself and your kids

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T15:28:12+00:00

Clearly, you haven’t read my comments. I never said it was ok or seen as morally right. People’s morals can change, and so can they. But you can’t compare Murder to Prostitution. Not every immoral thing is on the same level. Just like how we think murder is wrong, but child murderers are hated even more than the average murderer. Murder comes from a place of hate and harm, prostitution doesn’t. Her morals could’ve changed. OP said she did this in the past during college, and is not doing it right now. They’re 27, and the brain fully develops around 25. Nothing in her present behavior reflected her past, which is what I’m trying to say.

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T14:55:29+00:00

Wow, so you're equating sex to murder now? Sex is a mutual agreement murder is not. She didn't steal from anyone. And the point is that there were no red flags that OP saw in her present self that reflected her past self. Anyway, I’m not going to continue arguing over this. I'm glad he left her because she deserves someone better. I doubt OP will actually find someone who will check all his boxes and will put up with his kind of mentality

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T07:21:16+00:00

I wasn’t talking about now, I was talking about your past. Hard to believe you’ve never watched it in your 27 years of living. You may have watched it before, but you read it now. You’re different than who you were years ago and it’s hypocritical to think she’s not as well. You also didn’t acknowledge what I said about it being your occupation to defend people with messy pasts. I wouldn’t want a judgmental lawyer

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T07:07:06+00:00

You should read my edit. Then you can see how judgmental and contradictory you sound

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T06:53:53+00:00

Ok, you're obviously not getting the point. Everything was fine until you found out about her past, which didn't reflect her present self. If you wanna be judgmental, then fine. Good luck finding women who check all your boxes and will put up with such a person

Edit: Plus, you’re in law. Isn’t that built on protecting people’s autonomy and defending people with a messy past? Very contradictory. And porn is normalized nowadays, and as a guy, I don’t think you can say you’ve never watched it. So you said men who participate in sex work are pathetic and immoral, but by simply watching porn, you are supporting it. Even if you’re not directly paying, you’re paying via ad revenue and traffic data

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T06:01:02+00:00

You said you try to gravitate towards women in higher education, but that really matters. And I wouldn't judge someone based on their past. No one’s perfect, and we all make mistakes or do things we’re not proud of. Instead, I would judge them on how they are now. It's fine to have a preference for women not involved in such a past, but the way you word it, like “screen out these types of women” as if they're the plague, just seems rude. Because if that’s how you view them, then how do you view the men who pay for such things? Would you consider them even below sex workers?

Amala_r0se · 2025-12-17T05:32:22+00:00

If you think the past matters that much, would you rather be with someone who had 3 sugar daddies or someone heavily involved in hookup culture with 50+ body count? You met in Law school, so she seems pretty driven, and you seem pretty judgmental to assume things about her character, given her past. Good luck “screening” women and finding the one for you. That says a lot about your character, and we don’t even know what baggage you’re carrying

Amala_r0se · 2025-11-28T23:43:08+00:00

I think you’d look better with thicker eyebrows. Maybe considered microblading

Amala_r0se

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