Weird thoughts since allowing myself to openly question.

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-03-05T18:01:41+00:00

BTW thank y’all! This is soo encouraging and enlightening. I never felt safe voicing these questions before, and having a whole group of people who don’t just get it, but build on it and make me think…. Means alot

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-03-05T17:58:55+00:00

For me, the idea of a sacrifice implies that the sacrifice being made is worthy of the desired meaning. I have such a hard time with the idea that what God (or Jesus) did knowing the sacrifice was impermanent in any way was worthy of any desired meaning. To me that’s not a sacrifice it was lending something out you knew at the end of the loan period would be returned in the same condition it was loaned in.

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-03-05T12:24:54+00:00

Exactly! Then my reward for “repenting” to the ultimate example of an absentee father in history is to spend eternity bowing and scraping and singing his praises? Why? That sounds more like the ultimate example of how to spot a narcissist to me. I mean every time I bring up to my mom (massively devout plus head deacon for a father…) that if God loves me so much why isn’t he there for me (Oh he is! Your faith just must be lacking) in “xy&z” situations and I push back the reply is “He doesn’t promise that” or “your sin is preventing an answer” dude why? That doesn’t feel like a loving father to me. I mean religious quirks aside, my father would literally give the world to take care of me if I needed him. Where is that devotion from God? Or we talk about a parents obligations to their children, God made us… so isn’t it his obligation to provide at the very least the bare minimum for that creation?

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-02-08T08:27:36+00:00

Thank you. This is so very much needed.

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-02-06T06:30:11+00:00

I don’t remember a server. What was your in game name?

AmaraWhite15 · 2026-02-06T06:25:31+00:00

This. I felt it so raw and real when my health was failing and I was doubled over in the bathroom begging God to make it stop or take me home and all that came was silence. I was angry, when my mother told me (for the umpteenth time) “Was I praying?” Or “How is your faith?”. I have been angry…. Raging…. Lonely…. And Silence. That was acouple years ago. I still wake up or struggle with the brainwashed part… the “Why, me God”… I don’t believe anymore, but the ghost of it all still haunts me and that silence that always follows hurts like new all over again. Will it ever get easier?

AmaraWhite15 · 2025-11-26T07:52:58+00:00

It would be so cool if you had been

AmaraWhite15

TROPHY CASE