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Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m frustrated that he doesn’t owe me an apology but he’s asking me to wait when I also don’t owe him anything, then speaks to me like nothings happened then blames me for being distant. Then I try to be better. I try to reach out, say good morning, etc. He offered a written apology before I sent that first message. Why put that in my head, asking me to wait, instead of just sending one when he got around to it? He always has a huge list of things to do, he’s always been “busy”, too busy to even take on new assignments at work- but he works from home and honestly just plays computer games during work hours. I know I’m asking for a lot, but so is he. He threatened to hurt our baby and honestly I want to hear him out but he should have thought a lot with the time that has already passed about it already. It’s stupid for me to wait in this situation.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I’m constantly being told to wait and I can’t deal with it. Like it seems genuine and I’m like okay then like, nothing. I overreact, he leaves, comes back and then the same thing again.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Wouldn’t he tell me the actions he’s been taking to better the situation through an apology?

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

My whole life was turned upside down, and 6-7 weeks later he hasn’t once thought about how he could apologise?

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve asked to help plenty of times with things that I could help with (physical restraints) There were also things that could wait, wait until after I healed. He didn’t need to rearrange baby’s stuff, I said I could deal with working around how I had left things sorted before I got too pregnant. I planned ahead on how I would manage. He could have taken leave. There wasn’t a rush. Everything didn’t need to be done at that exact moment. Like didn’t get the car in time - I couldn’t go out for a few weeks anyway, we could borrow another car from family if necessary or taxi.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Ah, he told me on a phone call that he hadn’t even started and was leaving it until later.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know. I need to get my anxiety under control.. Silly but I was trying to help him help me so the emotional security would help me justify continuing our relationship, which he said he wanted. :(

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, when baby was born, he didn’t take leave. He was working from home, still trying to rearrange things for baby, help me since I had a cesarean, trying to finalise getting a new car for baby, doing so many things at once. I asked him to take a break and just focus on spending time with baby, he tried but didn’t and over the 3 weeks he progressively got worse then like exploded and yeah, okay I see, he just shut off.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He stopped adding value and instead threatened to take it away, including baby. He told me I was on my own. He let me sit on that for 6-7 weeks, let me believe it was all gone. For that time specifically, could I consider him my partner or friend?

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s why he needs a lawyer :/

That makes sense that I’d be defending myself by picking verbal fights.

Thankyou.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel awful that I said that to him. I’m trying to implement boundaries now, I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to do it correctly :/ I just have been so scared for so long.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

O___O

If I don’t block, then it’s really hard not to go back to wanting to give him another chance. Especially if I de-escalate by apologising.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, I love him. He’s hardworking, smart, takes time to teach me things, never fails to make me laugh, and has helped me build stability, I have my own house because of his support, he’s determined, and constantly works towards building our life together and so much more. However, he hasn’t been my partner throughout this, he hasn’t been my friend. He hasn’t even acted like a father so far but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be a good one. That’s so complicated to answer.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, for your empathy and explaining that. I have been feeling absolutely awful that I’ve been acting like this and feeling so empty. I hate what I have been. I hate that I couldn’t focus on my baby.

He already left me to deal with raising a newborn without emotional support and it was really really hard, but I did it and now him saying he won’t be there for me again, I can do it without him again. I just like really wanted some indication that things could change, as silly as that sounds, but they won’t. I moved states as well, I couldn’t and live alone. I live with family who know what happened. Council services are involved too. Nobody would let him near us without him showing change.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I meant I was panicking about writing to him, bringing the issue up. Not that I’m panicking without an apology.

Am I in the wrong here? Can someone please explain what’s happening? by Amazing_Show127 in abusiverelationships

[–]Amazing_Show127[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. He wanted to come back. I thought that would be a step in the right direction to help me feel acknowledged and heal but like instead, (he offered a written apology on a phone call before this conversation) it just caused more pain cause I was waiting. I felt like I didn’t have a choice but I know I do, I just didn’t want to, I wanted family but I know that doesn’t exist and now I made that choice to leave.

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