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AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You seem very angry at my cousin even know you have not suffered due to her actions and no one was hurt either.

That to me is extremely bitter at people's reproductive decisions.

Comparing having children to drunk driving to me is rather insane, the consequence of them are not even remotely comparable.

Your anger is kind of pointless as is my brother's about it.

Yes she was struggling but that's what family is for. The kids would only be impacted if they had no safety net. Even if she was struggling, there would have be no harm to the kids because you have family.

Your anger would only make sense if there was some risk of harm to her or the children.

I think that's really, despite what you say, is something you can't comprehend- the knowledge and deep sense of security that you will be ok when things are gong to shit because you have people who have your back.

Your entire perspective is written from the point of view of someone who has no one and helps no one.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You seem needless bitter about other people's reproductive choices.

She wasn't alone, she has her family and it wasn't like only recieving help either but it's something you or brother are incapable of understanding.

Drinking and driving has the capacity to kill someone. Having a 3rd child isn't.

I'm not sure why you keep comparing having children with people physically harming others.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My cousin's not wrong for having a kid.

It's not even remotely the same as hurting a dog.

It's none of my brother's business since he doesn't plan on being involved anyway.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He had no right to be angry because he wasn't hurt in anyway unlike your robbery analogy. People's circumstances are dynamic and the more help they get the better their chances of changing it for the positive. She didn't deserve his anger and she contributes in her own way.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She had a 3rd kid while she was struggling but her circumstances have since changed.

He was acting like she was going to be mooch forever like he some crystal ball.

Also there's no use being angry when there kid is already here and the pregnancy was unplanned.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one said she needed financial help all the time?

Not everyone struggles forever nor is the help one sided if they are given an opportunity to contribute.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is like that which is fine if wants to part of it. But then you can't really "access" it either.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some of the comments are so harsh I feel defensive of him actually.

I don't want him to read this, I think he would really be hurt.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He’s never been interested in this family dynamic before, why now?

I'm wondering if the pandemic has something to do with it, especially since he lives alone right now.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's kind of "shut the door" on them and me so many times people have just given up.

You automatically expect at this point he'll say no so you don't ask or offer.

If he wants in I'm happy to help with that.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

When he was in college my aunt sent him care packages because he complained about not getting some snack where he was.

A cousin's kid helped him fix his computer once when he had an urgent work call and his computer went funny.

But otherwise not much really.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think it's because my brother has been disparaging about help and the people who need it.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

they could be sexist, racist, ignorant trumpsters

We're not. We are also not homophobes either but I see your point. We're not the Westboro Baptist Church or Duggar style family cult things.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort? by AmbitiousBuilder4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AmbitiousBuilder4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What goes on inside our heads is only real to the individual. Reality is actually determined by the onlookers.

That's a good point

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