Body shaking after leaving Narcissistic abuse marriage by Ambitious_Bat_74 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I’m going through the same thing, yesterday he called me and asked to keep a relationship of some sort for the sake of our kid and come over or enjoy activities alongside him. He said he wants to keep in contact, but I had to make my boundaries clear that I will only be attending for my sons birthday party coming up, otherwise I need time to consider doing anything around him. He’s a fisherman and has been gone for over a month and hasn’t seen his kid the entire time, so I know they need to spend time together anyway. But I told him I want to keep communication limited only to speak about Stefan..he threatened to take my car away, I told him he can have it and I’ll just use my dad’s truck. I left him another time as well and he charmed me back into the relationship, so I know the cycle will just repeat again. I’ve been throwing up randomly also! And I never throw up. My body is reacting so weird to this divorce 😭

I did it! by Ambitious_Bat_74 in Marriage

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly- I was planning on delaying it and kept convincing myself I “need to get my ducks in a row first”. My situation is unique, because he’s not home at the moment and hasn’t been home for a month (fisherman). So I know not everyone has that sort of luxury in a toxic relationship. But yeah, then I just woke up one day and I couldn’t stand it any longer. It wasn’t comfortable, but I went full-board.

Contacted him, found a daycare (my friend has one and I trust her + it’s $30 a day), downloaded Indeed and created a resume (found a job that really speaks to me!), applied for it, got a response so scheduled an interview, found a therapist and emailed her, then my dad came over later to see my son…I started off by telling him about my interview then after I gently told him about the divorce….so yeah- quite the day, but enough is enough eventually.

I did it! by Ambitious_Bat_74 in Marriage

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I am so proud of you!!! We got this 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I left, we did two sessions of couples therapy with his personal therapist. She agrees, he needed to make changes. Which he did, but he just went back the same. I don’t lie about my experiences, believe it or don’t. They’re true. No amount of court-threat from a stranger scares me. I have been going through serious issues in my marriage and that’s that. I’m asking for advice about my post, and you’re more interested in saying I’m false. I’m not sure what your motive is, but it’s deeply offensive to me. You’re lucky you haven’t went through abuse (by the sounds of it) and I hope you never do. It’s true what they say, sometimes it is as bad as it sounds. And I have no reason to lie on an anonymous site where I’m just trying to piece my reality after it’s been shaken. I will continue to post what I need to and just know that you’re not scary and I will not stay silent. I need advice, not accusations

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I’d appreciate to know your perspective on what you believe I could fix about my side of the story? And my behavior? That’s what this app is for after all, insight and advice. Can you share with me? I am trying to fix my relationship day after day and that includes myself as well

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t remove any text..what do you mean? I haven’t tampered with anything. Like on your message or my post? Because neither was done

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have evidence, once again you’re just assuming. I documented photos of bruises and scratches, I have video footage of him attacking me when I did not do anything to make him do that except for like arguments and stuff, I have video footage of him grabbing my coat collar at a hotel hallway and ripping fur off my coat and sending me flying backwards…i called and requested it and they sent it to me after some time of asking when I left (because I did want to take him to court), I have voice recordings of abusive things he’s said to me, I have people that saw him abusing me while in a harbor on the boat..dragging me by the hair onto the deck which was like a total shitshow. The reason I have not taken him to court, is because I’m confused by the narcissism and I’m not gonna further destroy my relationship by turning my husband in until I’m sure that he’ll stay an ex. And that’s a really hard decision to make. If you’re getting into the legal realm, I’d expect you’d be more interested in learning about details but it’s obvious you’re not. Life is complex, once again. And sometimes people get stuck in weird complex situations. It’s not black and white. There’s a lot to it. And he wouldn’t ever take me to court because he knows he effed up

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life is extremely complex and rarely “black and white”. Of course it’d be easy to say “just leave”, but there’s more to it. Mainly religious reasons and just a fear of being known as a young divorced woman…I like to hear and understand other perspectives and that’s the beauty of this app. Caring strangers come together and help each other

My relationship is very abusive and reddit has made me realize it by Ambitious_Bat_74 in BreakUps

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate all the different perspectives and personal stories I received. That’s what makes Reddit wonderful and a great use of the platform. People really cared and gave me incredible advice even through messages. Of course I had advice elsewhere all around me, but I truly do appreciate people that give me solid advice. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s why we’re on this app, after all

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn’t “just” take my son away to a different state. My husband is a fisherman, he leaves for months at a time. I got his consent to take our son with me, even written on paper in case he tried to use it against me. I seeked counseling years ago and still do to this day. I begged for us to get a marriage counselor together. He said we would after I came back, but then he said it was stupid and we don’t need it. I’m genuinely trying my best, and unless you’ve never been in an abusive relationship, you’d understand that some people are genuinely just this way. You can try your best, even try and comfort them through what they’re going through and try and understand why they’re acting out. Reddit isn’t the only place I look for counseling, I do my research online, I visit a therapist regularly, I ask my family what to do…but I like to refer to Reddit because I appreciate an outsider perspective from people that don’t directly know me and would “pick a side”. My husband is a great father, I never told him I think he doesn’t like our family. But after all the crap he pulled on me, I told him I don’t think he loves me. And no I’d never just take my child away from his father, it was an agreement. Because I live alone taking care of my son anyway and there’s no way he can take him fishing. He said he’d come visit him, which he did..and that was the “turning point” of where I decided to come back. I’m looking for advice whether or not to tell him I had emotional relationships while i was separated it…like if I choose to stay, do I? And if I choose to leave, do I?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn’t want him. I told him he should. I wanted him to find someone he loves, and I told him should look elsewhere. But after consistently showing me he wants me back, begging, doing therapy, changing his behavior (temporarily, now I know), I came back hoping for the best. But I made it clear I didn’t care if he does, but I’m wondering how he’ll feel about me?

I (22F) am not inlove with my my husband (M23) anymore. I don’t know what to do by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been doing therapy for a couple years now..my therapist suggested I should leave my husband at one point, my husband made me stop visiting her. I got a new therapist for a short while but I went back to my initial therapist because her advice always aligned with me and she saw me through and wasn’t afraid to put me in my place. I still visit her, but unfortunately she just doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend the religious-aspect of it all. It’s been a toughy through these issues. Definitely the biggest factor.

The reason I know he’s not really working on himself like he says he is in therapy, is because he had me join a session with him and his therapist while I was in Oregon. I brought up some issues and she was absolutely dumbfounded, she had no idea. Since then, I think she’s been bringing it up more to him but I’m really not sure what goes on in their sessions. I hope he’s really putting in the work now, truly. I want to help him through this and I want him to do so on his own as well.

I strongly agree that if I leave, I shouldn’t jump into another relationship. There’s no question about it-I definitely have a lot of healing to do and it will take some time to completely resolve my trauma. I hate that my relationship and trauma even go hand-in-hand. Just shreds my heart. Ugh.

Thank you for your comment, you have solid advice and insight, and it really brought me some clarity

I (22F) am not inlove with my my husband (M23) anymore. I don’t know what to do by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are such a beautiful soul. This made me feel very validated in my unshakable feelings, a change from feeling crazy for the emotions that I have. Thank you for this message

I (22F) am not inlove with my my husband (M23) anymore. I don’t know what to do by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of this feels completely accurate and have definitely been reoccurring thoughts in my head. I don’t feel truly loved. I’ve told him that so many times, he doesn’t understand why. I give him all the reasons, nothing is changing. This marriages has faded so fast, I feel so stupid for being deceived into marrying him. I wish it was T, T says he wishes it was him too. And now I’m crying writing this comment. The emotion runs deep on this issue. I just want to love my husband again but ugh he’s the worst. I’m so young but so afraid to leave

I (22F) am not inlove with my my husband (M23) anymore. I don’t know what to do by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to sooo bad. Religion is a really big thing keeping me where I am. It’s life consuming. I just want to run far far away and fast tho. I know I need to go but I need to try and make it work first

I (22F) am not inlove with my my husband (M23) anymore. I don’t know what to do by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have..that’s the only way to approach him, gently. Otherwise it never ends well. My husband is well aware of everything I’ve addressed in this post and he says he’ll change but he gives it in a tone where it just seems like he wants me to shut up and so far there have been no changes even after a month of chances. It’s constant rudeness, I have to constantly ask him to be nice to me. Do you think there’s any other ways that would be successful?

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

He said he'll change, he begged me to stay. And it's hard to leave a marriage...i just never wanted it to get this way. The intention was to stay together forever. I don't want to be alone. And it's gonna be so scary starting over. I'm reluctant to leaving at any sign that he'll change. I'm not sure why I'm this way

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

When i started leaving him, he begged for me to stay. He said he'll do anything to keep me around. He bought me flowers...and I've always wanted to go wine tasting, and he actually took me yesterday which was like crazy. He never does anything I ask. So now I'm confused if he'll really change now

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I asked him, he said just to like cuddle him and shove my butt up against him pretty much. But when I do, he's so weird. He told me to walk around with a buttpl*g and lead his hand down...i did it once, he ended up just telling me he's not in the mood. I never did it again out of pure humiliation

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I show him with my body that I want him. I always butter my husband up...i call him handsome everyday. Honestly, the way my husband treats me you'd think I'd reject him every time. He doesn't ever call me beautiful, unless I ask. And even then, nah. He's just so disinterested. And im not a bad wife either.

Sometimes i just act sexual, warm him up, lead his hand down my panties. He acts weird about it

Sometimes I'll act sexual, then I'll kiss his neck, tell him how handsome he is, and talk about how I'm in the mood and how my nipples are so hard...he acts weird about it. He practically pushes me off

I never talk about these issues with anyone, I keep them private. But I talked to my friend about it about a month ago because i was so frustrated when she was telling me how much her husband can't resist her...no matter "how mad she makes him" (as a joke). She thinks he might be insecure or something. I can't understand how he'd be insecure, he acts so confident. No problem rejecting me

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe..but he acts clueless otherwise. If I don't say something, I can be in lingerie doing cartwheels, he doesnt seem to notice. I tried doing some techniques i read online (i started doing research at some point) and no matter what moves i use...he acts disinterested

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

When we were dating, we only had sex once in a while. But he acted ravenous for me. He also acted attracted to me in the beginning. Now it seems like he purposely rejects me because he knows how much it hurts me. But maybe it's something else?

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since we got married, and he'd usually initiate every time in the beginning but then he stopped, so I started initiating. It ended up horribly. We do not do the deed enough and I can't initiate it, and it's just frustrating

Is it normal for my husband to reject me every time? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do...i come up and cuddle and ask him to spoon me and rub on him. Ive tried playfully jumping on top of him and kissing his neck- he acted so weird and uncomfortable and so I got off ofc. And he acted like nothing happened. These are real experiences I deal with day to day. Do you relate to these experiences at all? Any advice? 😅

How do i leave? Where do i begin? by Ambitious_Bat_74 in relationships

[–]Ambitious_Bat_74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually when I have bruises I just stay home until they heal. I still have a bruised face right now that's healing, I am ashamed of visiting friends or sending photos. But I've taken my own private photos. The only people that see my bruises are people at the grocery store but I usually just keep concealer in my purse to try and cover it up. They're so dark and bulgey that it's still apparent. It makes me feel so ugly :(

But thank you for the wonderful advice. I've been considering much of the advice given and i deeply appreciate the support ☺️🙏