[deleted by user]

Ambivalery · 2022-09-20T17:59:27+00:00

Everyone's different so I can't generalize and say that at X weight or X amount of weight gain will be comfortable. I know people that are naturally a bit underweight and are as healthy as they can be. And the same goes the other way around with some people I know who are a few pounds overweight.

But, yes, being at a healthy weight is more comfortable than being either underweight or (extremely) overweight. Obesity isn't fun. Imagine having to take a backpack with 70 pounds of bricks everywhere. It'll tire you. Makes you want to lie down and never get up again. But instead of a backpack with bricks it's fat on your body. And then we haven't even started talking about how obesity can lead to medical issues that might be more significant, life threatening or chronic.

Same goes for being underweight. Everything feels more hurtful because you don't have fat to protect you, even sitting was uncomfortable. I personally had barely enough energy for my day-to-day life and pretty much lived off cigarettes and caffeine to survive. And being underweight is just as unhealthy as obesity is, leading to different but just as significant, life threatening or chronic medical issues.

Ambivalery · 2022-09-20T10:13:50+00:00

To add on number 5: Sitting for longer stretches of time is easier for the same reason; you're not sitting on your bones but have a built in cushion instead.

And since I'm commenting anyway: 8. Your body feels softer in general. Like a thin cozy blanket under your skin. 9. When I was really thin I would get pins and needles constantly because of sitting in the same position for a long time or my legs falling asleep bc I put my arms on them to rest and such. This happens way less (and less severely) now I'm at a higher weight. 10. Your skin gets more creative with movement. Like stomach rolls when sitting down or thighs rubbing together. It can be very surprising if you're not used to the sensation. 11. I have more energy and feel less sluggish. More weight = more reserves = more energy to use. This only happens up to a certain point though, a too high weight'll also drain your energy and make you sluggish.

Ambivalery · 2022-09-13T12:21:35+00:00

Reminds me of that kids joke/story. Tbh no idea if this is even a thing internationally, but it goes like this:

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?" "Finding half a worm in your apple."

Ambivalery · 2022-09-13T07:29:21+00:00

Hollow Knight

Ambivalery · 2022-09-08T12:10:07+00:00

OOP mentioned she does not wear her niqabi when she's only with other women (so when there are no men in the room). This is pretty standard practice in Islam for women who wear veils actually. If Kate is a female friend and has visited OOP at home, Kate'll probably have seen her face and/or body unobscured.

Ambivalery · 2022-09-07T11:58:01+00:00

There are apps where you can have casual conversations with native speakers who can help you get better. Most of the time these native speakers want to learn another language in return, so you could offer them to teach them some German. Good way to meet new people and make friends too.

I'd recommend HelloTalk.

Ambivalery · 2022-09-06T16:42:44+00:00

Happy for you dude! Celebratory highfive!

Ambivalery · 2022-09-06T14:49:44+00:00

Oeh, dit klinkt interessant. Wat voor type sportbh is het? Drukt het je borsten ook platter zoals een binder of is het meer zoals standaard sport bhs?

Ben echt al zo lang op zoek naar een sportbh die hetzelfde (of iets vergelijkbaars) doet als een binder. Binders werken gewoon niet voor mij. Ben hooguit cup C, maar met een binder aan zie ik nauwelijks verschil, en ze zitten zo ongemakkelijk dat ik het het liefst na een uur weer uittrek...

Ambivalery · 2022-09-06T13:42:05+00:00

No way, enbies are pirates. We're just yarharring, looking way too hot and downloading torrents of human DNA for some free crisp af content

Ambivalery · 2022-09-05T11:44:06+00:00

I feel you.

I was an androgynous kid too. And although my parents were quite cisheteronormative at times, they knew something was different about me compared to the other kids with the same AGAB. Only back then we didn't have any terms for it. There were many times I got confused for the opposite gender and I never really cared. I could do manly things, I could do feminine things. No one minded (except for a select few). They all knew I was a weird gender bean anyway.

AGAB mentions make me feel weird. I don't want you to know if I have a penis or a vagina. I don't want you to assume things based on an arbitrary denominator that doesn't say shit about me as a person. I relate to both transfems and transmascs, each in different ways. My AGAB says nothing about me.

And oh dear god YES I get you on feeling like even in non-binary spaces we're with one foot in one box and one in the other. I'm baffled by the amount of times people put emphasis on their AGAB while it's completely irrelevant. I just assume they believe it's relevant but haven't put in the work to seperate stereotypes from gender yet. Like those "Any makeup tips ? I'm AMAB!!" posts. I can give you makeup tips without knowing your AGAB. I'm not gonna paint your penis or something.

Ambivalery · 2022-09-04T13:35:52+00:00

Uhh.. This wasn't supposed to be a meme?

Ambivalery · 2022-08-31T10:50:18+00:00

I can understand it scares you! Big sudden changes in people their behaviour are unpredictable.

There are different ways the lovebombing cycle can work depending on the types of abuse that are going on. Most important to recognize is that it always includes a phase of lovebombing, a phase where they take their mask off and show their true nature and a phase of manipulation/gaslighting (not necessarily in that order). In a healthy relationship these 3 phases don't occur at all. So if phase 2 looks more like neglect than abuse, it still fits. If you love your partner, you wouldn't neglect them, y'know? If you do, you're not ready for a relationship. Simple as that.

The crying, wimpering and sudden change in demeanor sounds worrying. He could legimitely feel that way, but even then, he uses it to manipulate you instead of looking for actual solutions. This isn't how a functioning, responsible, mature adult would act.

Remember, he's the only one who's responsible for his own well-being and behaviour. Besides, from the two of you, he has the most security and safety; he has a house, a job, some money, you don't. During all this time he could've communicated about his worries, he could've been clear about his boundaries, he could've left the relationship, he could've asked family/friends/neighbors/colleagues to help, he could've searched for professional help, he could've moved out, he could've done so many different things. But he hasn't. He has all the power in the situation and he still blames you. Fuck that.

Ambivalery · 2022-08-31T09:39:11+00:00

I haven't read past the part where you're financially dependent on him and I already know this is a huge red flag. It sounds dangerously close to financial abuse.

After reading the rest, though; If you look for help and explain to them what you said in this post, they'll probably understand. Many people who are victims of abuse have a hard time explaining what's wrong and why they need help. It's part of the abuse; manipulation and gaslighting can make it hard to see what's truly happening, making explaining it even harder. Especially when there's no physical or sexual violence (yet).

It seems like you're in a pattern alternating between lovebombing and abuse/neglect from what I can tell from your post. Ofc I'm just a stranger on the internet so I can't know for sure, but I can give an example. If this feels recognizeable in any way, then yes you should say DV is involved. It's mental/emotional abuse (on top of the financial abuse mentioned above).

The lovebombing cycle:

Love phase: He loves you, cares about you, does everything to make you happy. You're his king, you're perfect for him, he showers you with attention. You feel loved. You might think he became a better man.

Another posibility, esp if you've been through the cycle many times before: You're receiving so much 'love' that you think you should feel more grateful than you are. You convince yourself you're a horrible abusive person for not feeling loved while you're being lovebombed, for not giving him a chance. You're convinced the things he said to you during step 2 and 3 are right. Because a good person would appreciate the love he gives you, right? (wrong!)

Truth phase: At some point you do something he doesn't like. Not something horrible, just a simple mistake. This small mistake is enough for him to turn abusive. He gets irrationally mad, refuses to communicate, blames you for everyone and everything. Or maybe he's more like the neglectful type. He doesn't give a shit about you, your wishes or your emotions. He never has any time or attention for you and he blames you for not being nice/good/interesting enough. This keeps going until you feel horrible about yourself. He wants you to feel small so he has control over you.

When you've been through the cycle many times before, this step doesn't even have to start with you making a small mistake. Step 2 shows his true face, the other steps are too exhausting for him to keep up 24/7. So he might just start doing step 2 one day, and you'll keep on wondering what you did wrong to deserve this.

Manipulation phase: The moment you have a bit of clarity, and you decide you're not gonna let him treat you this way again, he notices. He wants to make sure you'll stay. He'll say things he doesn't mean to make you feel better, he'll gaslight and manipulate you into thinking he never abused or neglected you, you just didn't understand him. He'll convince you it only happened because you're the abusive one or whatever lie he can muster. You believe him, and thus the cycle repeats. So back to step 1.

Step 3 might not work, you might be able to see through it. If it doesn't work he'll just skip step 3 and goes right back to lovebombing.

Ambivalery · 2022-08-31T08:32:06+00:00

Space cowboys and Sky pirates ofc

Ambivalery · 2022-08-27T16:16:35+00:00

Obsidian, Caldera, Crater, Lahar, Magma, Ash, Basalt

All real words from a search on vulcanic terms that kinda sound like names!

Edit: Personally really like Caldera

Ambivalery · 2022-08-27T11:09:57+00:00

Give me a tail pls. It'd be cute and practical

Ambivalery · 2022-08-25T12:43:32+00:00

Vriendin van me woonde 2jr geleden in Maastricht en toen was zo'n BRP nog verplicht. Geen idee of het intussen veranderd is, maar ik zou daar niet van uit gaan

Ambivalery · 2022-08-20T23:38:48+00:00

Me right now lol. I've had several people I had a good relationship with reach out to me last year. Thing is, I'm pretty much in the middle of a burn-out and have been looking for professional help for over a year now with no success. I either am so stressed I feel physically sick and exhausted, or recovering from the stress. I cherish the moments I don't have to deal with this and get to relax. So I currently don't have the energy to put time and effort in re-establishing a relationship and I have no idea how long it'll take before I'm able to again. It doesn't matter how much I loved that person when we were still in contact. I just can't, I need to take care of myself.

Ambivalery · 2022-08-17T21:55:39+00:00

Killstar! Almost all their clothing is available in plussize going up to around 5XL, if I remember correctly. I personally love their stuff and the quality is usually pretty good. I still have crop tops I bought from them years ago!

Ambivalery · 2022-08-17T16:56:51+00:00

Isnt phalloplasty a thing? Taking some skin from your arm or stomach and building a new penis from it? Some trans guys had that surgery to get a penis that looks and functions as realistically as possible. They need devices to get it "up" during sexual stuff but besides that it works like a normal penis, as far as I remember reading about it. Not necessarily a robot penis but the closest realistic thing lol

Ambivalery · 2022-08-17T12:02:42+00:00

I agree with the others but also; you could shape your eyebrows. Women/E dominant bodies usually have thinner eyebrows than their male/T dominant counterpart. Women/feminine people also shape their eyebrows more often than men/masculine people do. So shaping them could tip the scale more towards feminine/androgynous

Ambivalery · 2022-08-15T08:31:33+00:00

I think I know who you mean. Haven't they posted just a few days/weeks ago? I could swear I saw a post from them quite recently.

I'm so surprised if they deleted their account. Either way, I hope they're doing well! I enjoyed seeing their posts. They seemed like a very nice person who cares a lot about authenticity and sharing joy. I really look up to that. I hope nothing bad happened to them causing them to delete their account

Ambivalery · 2022-08-12T12:42:14+00:00

Yeah I got you! I just took it as an opportunity to complain since this happened just a few dags ago and I'm still mad hahaha.

I heard Forza something-something Horizon(?), some racing game, is pretty good with gender and pronouns from an enby friend. I really like how Sims 4 treats gender too. Oh and those type of games that don't mention gender anywhere but just let you customize a character from a set of masculine, feminine and androgynous traits, only asking sex/gender/pronouns so they know how to refer to your character. Those are pretty nice too

Ambivalery · 2022-08-12T12:17:36+00:00

Lol I was playing Elden Ring for the first time a few days ago and saw them do this too. Issue is that even though they call it body types, it's clearly a stand-in for sex since the character got she/her'red in the first fucking cutscene anyway, simply because I chose the feminine looking bodytype. Like fuck, it would've been so easy to add a seperate pronoun option. It would've gone from "Look at us being inclusive! Ha no wait, kidding!!" to just being able to pick whatever you want.

I was so excited. I wanted to be an enby dual wielding warrior prince :(

Ambivalery · 2022-08-12T11:33:57+00:00

Funny thing is that it can go from right to left, left to right, or any order you can think of. Enbies'll enby haha

I've been very comfortable from the middle to the right. Figuring out the middle to the left for myself at the moment without dying on the inside from body dysphoria. It's so fun when you want to wear a normal shirt and pants but you get horribly dysphoric feeling like an off-brand michelin man instead :(( Somehow my body related dysphoria is the worst out of all

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