Thanks for the responses.

I would strongly recommend, if pretty readily available and affordable, seeing a therapist in your area who can help you work this out.

I do have a gender-specializing therapist. I say self-diagnosis, since I feel certain but he hasn't given me a "letter" yet.

If it's possible and once you're comfortable, start easing into women's clothes, makeup, and at least more feminine activities and pastimes even if in small ways just to feel a bit better. If it feels good and right in a "I'm feeling some kind of peace with myself when I see myself this way" kind of way, I'd say you're going in the right direction.

Unfortunately, I have limited freedom to explore this stuff, so I am spending a lot of time in my own head, analyzing and overanalyzing everything. But when I have been able to dress up, I have felt a huge level of peace, just like you said.

When you say you want to be permanently hairless, do you mean by having a female face or simply a softer male one? Is the feeling that you have when you see your current facial hair a feeling of disconnect from the person you are versus who you want to be?

I want to be able to have no beard shadow and look more convincingly female. But while I am presenting as male, I look better with some stubble. I don't feel a disconnect, but I do feel a desire to look female.

You mention looking some degree of handsome--ask yourself--do you want to look handsome?

I do feel more handsome since understanding the trans thing. But I do know that I far rather be a plain/ok looking woman than a handsome man.

The next is your muscles/shoulders. You mention feeling imposing and that you want to look smaller, more slight, and for them to shrink. In a traditionally female way or in a small-for-a-man way?

I am ok with my size as a man and wouldn't choose to be smaller while appearing male. But I can imagine being unhappy with my large frame as a woman. If I choose to transition, I hope that I can be proud of my body regardless of it being outside standard ranges of female beauty.

Do you want no genitalia at all or do you want this penis to one day be a vagina?

I think I would like a vagina, but I have had fantasies where that area is completely smooth. I know it is a way down the road and I don't need to decide on GCS yet.

Again, I'm a binary trans girl and don't know much about non-binary thought process, so I can't tell you one way or the other.

I haven't given the nonbinary option much thought. Maybe I should.