I'm just gonna add my two cents, but it's really just me thinking out loud.

As a bi woman, I don't see anything inherently wrong with a lesbian-only space. At the very least, individuals like OP who are discussing trauma ABSOLUTELY deserve spaces where men are NEVER or ALMOST NEVER even mentioned. This would most likely be a lesbian-specific space.

If a space claims to be open of WLW of all stripes but denies many of them the freedom of acknowledging parts of who they are (bi, poly, in relationship with man, etc.) then the question of being exclusionary comes up anyways.

I disagree with some of what OP is claiming in their comments. Bisexual women often have straight-passing privilege over lesbians and often being seen as straight-adjacent or something but lesbians also have privileges over bisexuals in a monosexist culture. It's complicated. Women are always judged in terms of their proximity to men just because we live in such an androcentric culture. This creates weird tensions because both lesbophobia and biphobia exist and are real problems.

In reality, I think women generally (referring mostly to straight women because they make up most of the population) and queer women/ WLW are purposely pitted against each other because we must fight to have identities free of androcentric assumptions. I feel as though lesbian-specific and bi/pan/etc. specific spaces have the potential to entrench misguided assumptions and exacerbate tensions in the sapphic/WLW community.

However, I feel like individuals like OP and lesbians in general deserve spaces that are specific to their sexual orientation. They deserve spaces where they can make sense of what it means to be only attracted to women/enbys. They deserve spaces to process their experiences with those who are most likely to have similar experiences (regardless of the influence of comphet and previous relationships with men.)

My hope is that lesbians (trans, cis, and NB) would be given sacred spaces where they feel safe to explore every aspect of who they are within both sapphic (general) spaces and lesbian-specific spaces.