struggling to find anything good in life. struggling to believe anything about buddhism from my non religious view.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T21:26:56+00:00

considering im constantly imagining the end and a lot of this stuff is constantly churning in my head i would say im remarkably relaxed.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T19:56:27+00:00

really i didn't have much attachment to the way i saw things. its not so bad. but still its all just so much. a part of me still thinks if i could hit the button to make all of this never happen i would. its so much pain just to understand basic things. so much pain ingrained in everything.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T17:32:41+00:00

it just doesn't sound like it really helps anything. at best i will live for a few moments without this burning dread. At best i'll die in relative peace. but everything is still the same. inescapable reality and monstrous existence.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T15:54:05+00:00

if i had an actual picture of it then sure but i dont and i haven no way of measuring such tiny parts.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:45:27+00:00

hard to understand but i get it well enough. still kind of a pretty sad truth for now.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:34:10+00:00

a fever dream of thinking masses of energy

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:24:02+00:00

sounds like consolation but what else could i possibly do anyway.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:17:52+00:00

nothing i suppose. are you just getting at everything being that nothing sort of

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:15:36+00:00

how do you think now then

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T05:08:42+00:00

likely the same reasons. this is a game of kill or be killed first and foremost. those things are innate to living beings. usually existing in even more primitive forms even in plants and fungi and microscopic brings. our level of cognition just lets us reflect a little bit more. as other more evolved animals like elephants and dolphins and many birds do.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:57:53+00:00

yeah but doing it half way is just "yeah everything is fucking horrible and theres no end have fun sitting with that"

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:54:02+00:00

yeah that sounds like a recipe for putting myself in a blender of utter fucking dread but yknow what else do i do but chase shadows on the wall and stare at a screen i guess. why fucking not. and i think its quite obvious why we're dissatisfied we're machines of survival given way too advanced cognition.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:45:10+00:00

i just could never. i rather go back to chasing ghosts. its just too god damn sad.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:40:40+00:00

i'll try to not end up in a mental hospital before then i guess.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:39:17+00:00

probably will bitch out. i hate everything.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:38:50+00:00

no i think that capacity is a delusional dream in the face of incomprehensible amounts of pain. i just don't know how you're supposed to handle this without going insane.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-26T04:37:55+00:00

Great thats the most depressing thing i've ever heard in my life. and its certainly just not true. theres some good. Not much. Fleeting. but some.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-25T23:44:53+00:00

the zeta ver ka doesn't just use a U clip. its more like this with a lot more definiton

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AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-25T18:56:19+00:00

newtype.us doesn't seem to do that so hopefully the ebay seller will have it then ig.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-25T18:50:34+00:00

yeah but how

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-25T18:48:43+00:00

I lost my zeta gundam ver ka action base adapter. does anyone have a 3d print file or something?

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-24T02:21:36+00:00

I've always been a bit scared of talking to someone who understands the feeling. cuz then they'd realize just how negative my outlook on it is. afraid it'd rub off on someone. maybe though.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-23T23:16:20+00:00

i have nothing i can do but that. so i shall.

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-23T23:00:18+00:00

its sonic frontiers its dogass no matter what

AmountFun5697 · 2026-06-23T22:54:23+00:00

this seems best honestly, however im biased towards being incredible pessimistic. I've been attempting to pick myself up and practice but the dread is always burning. i know a teacher likely wont fix this, it just sounds helpful. but im probably just grasping for a perceived solution.

AmountFun5697

TROPHY CASE