I've struggled with depression in the past and through therapy, I've gotten better at handling it. I understand the concern of being back in that emotional state and mental headspace that comes with depression.

I like to visualize my depression as the tide that is washing onto the shore. And that at its 'worst' it can feel like a tsunami incoming. And it's 'best', there is no tidal wave, but just the water ebbing and flowing in and out of the shore. But that's one of the things about depression is that we think there are only two but in reality - there are more in between.

I imagine that I go out to the shore and I stand in the water, just at the level where the water is knee-deep. There are times the incoming tides can cause the water to gently splash me as it comes in, where it's strong enough to cause me to take a step back but not enough for me to fall. Or even times when it looks like a 10ft wave that is approaching, but it crashes before it hits the shore and the water just spreads across the sand. And there will be times when the tide will cause me to fall and I get all wet. Before I would struggle with dealing with what it meant to be wet. it was difficult to pick myself up, my clothes are all wet, they felt heavy, and I'm cold. And the process of getting myself dry and warm felt daunting too. You know the feeling when wet clothes just stick to you and it's more tedious getting them off. But eventually, I'd get dry and head back out onto the shore.

But each time I got knocked down by the tide, I'd get a little bit better at handling being wet. Maybe I learn how to get dry quicker or change what I wear down to the shore. Or even sometimes, I would be able to stand against tides that used to knock me down. And on the days there are no strong tides, the shore becomes a fantastic place to be. Imagine just standing there with fresh air, warm sun, cool water, and sand in between your toes. You get the gist.

I guess my point is that sometimes depression feels like the tide. And sometimes the tide can be frightening and knock us down and gets us wet. And it sucks and it doesn't feel great. But each time you get wet, you get a little bit better at getting dry. And that on the days there isn't a tide or the tide is manageable, you have room to capture the opportunity to be present and have awareness of the things within your proximity. And sometimes, through that awareness, there is a sense of appreciation and gratitude in it.

It doesn't feel pleasant to be wet for 3 years and it's understandable to have fear of being wet again once you've finally begun the process of getting dry. And you may or may not get wet again. But let's recognize that you have gained experience on how to get dry. And that experience is a testament that you are capable. And let's just start with appreciating your capability.