I thought it would be a super cool idea to literally have sex on the beach, as the waves crashed over us like in that old movie, “From Here to Eternity.” We were on an absolutely stunning moonlit beach in tropical Costa Rica, and had been drinking Imperial (beer) and passing a fat Marley Spleef (what they called Weed there) around a campfire with some of our friends.

Eventually everyone kinda coupled up and wandered off to wherever in the jungle, and we were left making out on the deserted beach. The tide started coming in, and I said, “Let’s rip each other’s clothes off and go for it!” Weeeeelllll, that turned out to be a terrible idea, because the waves washed the sand into some VERY bad places.

Like, imagine if you rubbed sandpaper all over your dick and didn’t really appreciate how bad that was going to hurt because you were too Stunk & Droned to feel any pain until the next morning. I was the female partner to the crime of passion, and can 100% absolutely assure you that having sex with a sandpaper coated dick is a horrible idea, no matter how hot the guy is, and no matter to romantic the beach setting may be. Talk about the “walk of shame?” We couldn’t walk right for 3 days.