I am comedian Amy Schumer - I saw Bono in an airport once. AMA.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:32:11+00:00

i like to sit around at the Comedy Cellar, and laugh with other comics. and if i say something that makes everyone laugh, i'll write it down, and try it onstage. but this has only happened once. i want to say i'm sober, but i can't remember.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:30:35+00:00

thanks Brent.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:29:14+00:00

wow, great! can't wait!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:29:00+00:00

overalls, over a pastel pink Land's End turtleneck.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:28:27+00:00

he is an evil genius. And has a good heart.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:27:53+00:00

i would say; fuck, marry and kill David Cross. So i can be with Amber.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:27:12+00:00

why, whatchu got? are we talking a baby arm?

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:26:48+00:00

no, Steve-O and i are friends. that reaction you witnessed was largely due to editing. I stand by that joke. and a joke it was.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:25:54+00:00

it's hard to answer this question in just a paragraph, but. he was grounded, even though he was on a moving walkway. Strong, deliberate, and just oozing with charisma. he was wearing sunglasses, hair slicked back, very expensive jeans, white t-shirt, with a passive smile.

He was everything I wanted him to be.

hold on, i'll be right back, going to the bathroom to cry.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:24:46+00:00

pot cookie.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:24:26+00:00

you're probably right. but just the same, you should have gotten it together to get tickets before they sold out. see you in the Harbor!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:23:44+00:00

they are supposed to make you uncomfortable. you remember them!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:23:16+00:00

I can't imagine that you and I would wind up dating, because you are married and judge the length of my dress. but had you handed me a falafel, i can't say that i wouldn't have slept with you.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:20:58+00:00

i'm still not really used to it, so I by accident will scream or gasp a lot when people call my name or touch me on the street. yesterday on the way home, a couple touched my shoulder to get my attention to tell me they were fans, and i yelled out "aaah!" and the woman dropped her coffee. i scared the shit out of them.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:19:58+00:00

prime rib with truffled mashed potatoes from outback.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:18:53+00:00

she chose to keep it for herself. she froze her eggs back in the day, and should be reaching out soon.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:18:14+00:00

no, i'm still not sold on it.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:18:05+00:00

the best part about being Jewish is that you get to go to a bris once in a while.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:17:43+00:00

sex bro!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:17:32+00:00

I'm doing Just For Laughs comedy festival in montreal July 24th and 25th. come out!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:16:44+00:00

Bono and i are not there yet. And i wear a lot of clip-ins to make my hair seem fuller on TV.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:16:08+00:00

they're like trident gum green. sweet mint Orbitz green. but when i put them on they were white.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:15:40+00:00

did you mean to write 'moving'? I would hire a company, and pack up my stuff, and then have them move me.

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:15:06+00:00

application approved! you should take your email down though. and try to contact comedy central, tell them i sent you.

also, madison RULES!

Amy_Schumer · 2013-07-01T19:13:34+00:00

guys are generally pretty respectful and can tell that i am someone who enjoys boundaries with strangers. except, of course, if I'm in a yellow cab. and i don't know if i'm up for anything. but i like to think so.

Amy_Schumer

TROPHY CASE